I need help (so confused)

lashanna92 · January 2013

I am 20 yeers old and 18 weeks pregnant with my first child. I really want to have an all natural birth without any medications. My parents are very against this and want me to do this this traditional way. I feel that the natural way is the traditional way. My fiance is very on board with this, but wants me to be as comfortable with or without the meds. I once was very sure that this is want I want to do. Now all i hear is negative comments about it. All i want is to be alert and in total control of my body. I just wish i had more positive support. Now im confused as to what it is I should do now. This was something I was so sure that I wanted to do. I am very stuck in a decision now......PLEASE HELP!

thanks.

Amanda&EricB · January 2013

Well first of all, in my opinion, a natural, drug free birth is very traditional. Women have been doing it for millions of years. Not only women, but all animals.

Anyhow, this is YOUR baby and your body and your choice. I'm glad your fiance is supportive. Talk to your doctor, and when you get to the hospital to have the baby, talk to the nurses. Tell them your plans.

And good for you for wanting to do it your way!

Joyfullnoise · January 2013

It is hard when people you love, trust and respect disagree with you.

Birth was the most intimate and powerful thing I've ever put my body through: your gut instinct and the support of your loving partner are enough to get you through it. There are many approaches but you do what is most comfortable and appealing to you.

jinnymb · January 2013

Unfortunately with you being 20 years old, you are going to face a lot more opinions and advice than an older mother would. Trust me we all get it though.

I think that you are being very responsible and proactive in choosing a birthing option at all, versus just letting people decide for you. With that in mind try signing up for Bradley Classes, and educate and prepare you and fiance as much as possible for a natural birth.

I would stop discussing it with unsupportive people as you can absolutely do it!! Good luck to you and stand your ground even if it doesn't work out for some reason, which is the reality of anyone attempting med-free birthing.

You need to take a stand now for yourself and your baby, because the opinions only get worse after the baby is born when your mothering is called into question. Not that you shouldn't take advice of course but do your research and be confident in your choices. Good luck!!

kds717 · January 2013

I am so sorry you are facing such opposition in this decision. If it makes you feel better, I am 28 and have been hearing the same kind of opinions. Do your research and if you believe that natural birth is the way you want to go, then go for it! Don't allow the opinions of others to sway you--remember, they aren't the ones giving birth!

Bradley Method classes are awesome, and I recently read a really good book called "Posh Push." Hopefully those resources will help you out!

QBall27 · January 2013

I can relate. Plenty of people (including family & friends) I know are pro-epidural and even pro-c-section. Like PPs, I find that simply not discussing it with others can be helpful (unless you know they are supportive of your plans). The other piece of advice I have is to arm yourself with as much information as possible... Check out books from the library (Ina My Gaskin's books are wonderful), watch "The Business of Being Born" and "More Business of Being Born" and similar videos, check out online resources/forums - like this board, where people are so positive and helpful. Also, if there are any natural birth groups near you that you can attend, they can provide amazing support. Hiring a doula - and of course a midwife or OB you trust - can also make a huge amount of difference in the support you receive and the confidence you have in yourself & your body. GL!

abell77 · January 2013

I agree with you, a natural childbirth IS the traditional way. It is great that your fiance is on board, but it sounds like he will need to become more educated about natural childbirth in order to support you effectively. For him to say that he wants you to be as comfortable with or without meds is a bit of wishful thinking. Natural childbirth looks very different from a medicated one. The pain is definitely manageable, but he needs to be prepared to see you in some discomfort and to help you through it. If he is able to support you, then honestly it doesn't matter what your parents think. I know you are young and it's probably hard for them to really see you as an adult, and it may even be hard for you to think about making such a big decision without their approval. But I would ask you to consider that this is just the first of many decisions you will be making for your child, and it's probably a good idea to set those boundaries with your parents now. It is common for those who choose natural childbirth to receive a good amount of ridicule and criticism, but that shouldn't deter you from your plans. This board will be a good resource for you. Best of luck to you.

nyki06 · January 2013

I think that if you're mature enough to get pregnant than you should be mature enough to make your own parenting choices. I don't think this is an easy task for any of us, no matter how old (I'm 24 and was 22 when I was pregnant with my daughter). Tell them that, although you appreciate their support and concern, that you are the one who will push this baby out of your vagina and you get to make the choices around how that happens.

KateLouise · January 2013

As a Mum you are going to be making daily decision about how to raise your baby. Some of them will be met with negativity, some of them they won't. But YOU are the Mum.

So this is a good opportunity for you to practice your "nod and smile" face. Where you just let people say whatever they want and then go back to doing what suits you.

It is tough when people you trust have a very different opinion, but if you're making an informed choice then who cares what they think. You might also find it easier to discuss fewer details with them. I don't know if your family are open to learning about natural birth or not, but if not then just keep your decisions to yourslef and move on.

My parents think I am out of my mind having my baby sleep in my bed, and I'm completely ok with that. They have valid reasons for their opinion. I have valid reasons for mine, and either way it's my choice.

FWIW I've had two fantastic natural births, and I wouldn't choose to do it any other way.

Good luck with your decision and ocngratulations on your upcoming birth!

Hyaline · January 2013

First--your decision, not theirs. Research. Research a ton, if making an informed decision is important to you. Not just books that reaffirm natural birth, but sources that challenge it, too (ie, don't just read Gaskin. She's great, but it's not going to give you a full picture IMO). Know all of your options, and all of the standard practices for your hospital if you'll be in one. Know the risks and benefits to common interventions. The more I learned, the more I felt that med-free was preferable not only from my own personal standpoint of the experience I wanted but from the perspective of a healthy outcome. (I like this website for breaking down the research on common natural birth questions: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/).

And once you've made your decision, don't talk about it with people unless a) you want to have to defend your choices or b) they're people who agree with you and will affirm you. I found a friend who had the same mindset I did and we talked birth--and I kept my mouth shut about my choices with everyone else.

alandals · January 2013

Are either of your parents birthing this baby? No. So they don't get a say. Laboring and delivering a baby drug free IS the 'traditional' way to do it, you are very right. You CAN deliver your baby med free because that's what your body was designed by nature, or God, whichever you believe in, to do. You need only believe in yourself and your baby and your body. You should do what feels right to you in your heart. I was 20 when I was pregnant, as well, and had many family members not understand why I wanted to deliver med free. To me it was never a choice. I always knew I wouldn't use drugs. My husband was my rock and I ignored all others.

If I were you I would start watching as many birth videos on YouTube as possible (mostly homebirth, even if that isn't your plan). Watching other women bring deliver their babies without any influence other than natural hormones was so empowering to me and made me believe in my body that much more!

Good luck and ((hugs))!!

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