- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Stay at Home Moms
SAHM, How do you do it all?
Hi Everyone,
I've been a SAHM for a year now and I'm constantly struggeling with my domestic duties (cleaning, organizing, bill paying, etc.).
My girls are 1 and 2 years old.
I also run a blog and a business from home (graphic design).
I'm trying to learn tips and tricks from other SAHM's who get their kids to be well behaved so I have an hour or two to breath and work on my business assignments.
I tried to do my business/personal agenda during the evening when my husband gets off work at 2:30PM.. but laundry, dinner, running errands (mainly lots of grocery shopping), and helping give the kids a bath constantly dip into my quality "me/business" time.
When I can sit down without all those distractions, my husband is constantly pulling the kids away from the door where I'm at on the other side.
I want to know any tips/tricks from other SAHM's who manage to get it all done, or most of it, and get a chance to breath for about two hours a day.
What works for you? Calendar's, to-do lists? Nothing at all?
Looking for inspiration! Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SAHM, How do you do it all?
I don't do it all, plain and simple. I've been a SAHM for 4 years and am nowhere near figuring out how to get everything done in a day and still be a good mom too. It's something I really struggle with, emotionally and practically. On the rare days I do get a lot done it means that the kids have spent all day in front of the TV or playing on the iPad!
From what I've heard, people who work from home successfully still need to have some form of child care when they are working.
I agree. That's only the tip of the iceburg of the 5 hour time frame of stuff I have to get done before my husband gets home (his requirements, not mine).
I wish my grandparents are around to tell me what it was like being a 1950's housewife and how they managed to do it all back then.
I would absolutely love to close my graphic design business and focus my efforts elsewhere, but my blog doesn't make enough income yet.
I don't think your grandparent's did get it all done. I think that is just an illusion we have romanticized over the years. They also had a larger sense of community than we do today. Life was also much more simple back then. Most women in their neighborhoods were all SAHM's and they leaned on each other. I'm also pretty sure very few of them worked form home while having a 1 & 2 year old.
I have a things I'd like to accomplish each day of the week such as laundry on Monday, grocery shopping on Tuesday list but it doesn't always happen. I also have a general to do list such as call & make this appointment, pick up dry cleaning, buy this gift sort of thing. I'm not sure about the "requirements" list your DH has, he is not your employer & that may be adding to your stress. I only have 1 and she's 3 1/2, I don't work from home & there are days we don't even get out of our pj's!
Can you grocery shop during the day with them? I break my shopping into 23 quick trips a week so LO doesn't get too fussy. Not super efficient but one less thing to do when MH gets home.
I still don't do it all. It's hard. It will probably get better when they are older.
I was JUST asking my mom about that yesterday! She said that (from what she can remember) in the 50s the housewives all drank and smoked like crazy while they ironed and cleaned. I guess with that kind of "stress management" it might make it easier to get through the day, or to at least not care if everything was done or not!
But she also added that my grandma had cleaning crews that would come through and do the whole house, and that most of the time she took the laundry to the dry cleaners. Apparently grandma slept in most morning too (hungover perhaps? Lol), while my grandpa got the kids ready and off to school. I was shocked to hear that! I had always imagined my grandma as the perfect housewife. She also said that all the neighborhood kids all did chores and helped with the housework.
Yeah--with a 2 and 1 year old your expectations are unreasonable. My kids are 3/almost 2 and they're just getting to the age where I can leave them for a bit to play together without distracting me. They definitely are nowhere near doing that for two hours a day though!
Do you need the revenue from your business to pay the bills? If not, why not get it started when they're preschool aged and you have them out of the house a few hours everyday?
If that's not an option, could your DH take them out of the house for a few hours everyday/every other day? We spend about 2.5 hours at the Y nearly everyday--I work out for an hour and the kids play in the play center then I let them play a little longer after my workout. Ours is a pretty big, awesome facility but I'm sure that varies by location. It might be a way for Dh to get some exercise and the kids to have some fun as well.
In terms of errands, if you go to a store with a grocery list it will help you get in and out quicker than just wandering around.
I would not aim to be like a 50s housewife. For one, they didnt have to work at home. Kids could run around the neighborhoods with no supervision. They didn't do the kinds of activities we have the benefit of providing our young children.
I don't do it all. But I do my best, and I try not to beat myself up about what I didn't get done.
Here is a sample of my household duty schedule. Now, keep in mind that I don't get everything done every day... I have 2 small children who, as you know, change the gameplan every day. I also kind of made it detailed, because on days that I'm away and DH is at home with the kids, he can look at the list and know what needs to be done for that day. Each day I do everyday pick up in every room, and then I tackle one room to thoroughly clean. Daily regular pick up does not involve heavy cleaning.. .it's just picking up and keeping it decent. I save the deeper cleaning for the day specified for that room. I also strive to keep weekends free of thorough cleaning and laundry if possible. Saturday is catch-up day for anything that was missed. Sunday is rest day, except for regular daily pick up. It doesn't always work out... actually, most days I do NOT finish everything, but, this is what I strive for:
Monday: Laundry taken downstairs, cleaned, dried, and brought upstairs
Regular everyday cleaning around the house
Maddie's room thoroughly cleaned
All sheets changed (cribs & master bedroom)
Clean off washer and dryer
Tuesday: Clean laundry folded/hung up and put away
Regular everyday cleaning around the house
Thorough cleanup of dining room
Etc.
It sounds like your problem is your husband. You need to sit down with him and discuss these "requirements." What does he do? Come home and watch tv with his feet up?
There is absolutely NO WAY you can work, take care of the house, the kids, etc. all at the same time. You just can't.
Wait.....what?
You don't work for your husband. He is not your employer.
Is he abusive to you?
she said in her later post that he has a list of requirements that she has to get done before he gets home.
agreed!
Thanks for the heads up! I deleted the siggy but I can't figure out how to remove it from the other posts? Any advice on how I can remove it from the other posts? Edit: It says it's deleted but it's still showing up...
For the rest of you who are trying to help, thank you so much for your kind sweet words and lots of encouragement. I'm very thankful for all your responses and I'll be trying all your suggestions. Thanks everyone!
It is extremely difficult when your children are that close in age. Mine are 15 months apart and I'm pregnant with number 3, I volunteer, and I do freelance event planning for my township.
Sometimes I do feel totally overwhelmed. In general these are my tips that have helped me organize myself and get by until they are more self sufficient.
1. I had to do my work out of the house. It was becoming impossible to plan around naps, I only let them watch 1 hour of tv a day, and I was exhausted at night. So every other week, DH agreed to go to work an hour later and stay an hour later and I go into the office and work from like 6am-9:30am. If you don't have an office try the library,starbucks, or anywhere that is not at your house. The early morning works best cause I get out of the house before anyone wakes up. This really helped me out in many aspects of my life. For meetings with other co-workers that have to happen during business hours, I worked out a deal with another SAHM friend. We take turns watching the kids when we have meetings or doctor's appointments. She does Marykay so I help her out and she helps me out.
2. Clean your whole house once a week. I pick Wednesdays as movie/cleaning day. I neglect the rules and do whatever entertains them and the house gets a deep clean. I still have to obviously clean up the kitchen and sweep the kitchen floor everyday but in terms of the rest of it, only one day a week.
3. Crockpot and easy dinners. I do monthly menu planning so I can plan easy and crockpot dinners on the days I know we will be busy. This also enables me to shop once a month. I go to Costoc/BJ's and a place to buy organic food not in bulk and get everything I need for the month (I freeze bread/milk). DH goes to our local produce store on his lunch break every other week to fill in veggies and fruit. I then go ahead and home make healthy waffles, pancakes, oatmeal cookies etc.. and freeze them so I can heat them up for breakfast in the morning with some fresh fruit.
4. With two I had to narrow us down to one activity at day. Whether it be a class, playdate, doctor's appointment, running errands, etc... We only do one a day now. That way they stay on schedule and I don't overwhelm myself when all the little things come up.
5. I minimize volunteering to once a month mainly at night and weekends unless it is something I can do with the boys. My volunteering is really important to me and I didn't want to give it up but had to be reasonable. DH gets to do basketball etc..
6. Be honest with DH. Some days I call and say I really need your help. I can't do it all today, whatever. He understands totally. It's no different than him calling me saying he needs to work late or whatever he needs to do to make his job successful.
Good luck to you I know it is hard trying to do it all!! I just think once a few of them start school things will be so much easier!!
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
As a mom that worked from home, it's really not possible to do it all. Your H needs to help. It isn't fair to ask you to earn an income, take care of the kids full time, and do all of the cooking and cleaning. Currently, I'm a freelance writer and watch another LO during the day a couple of days a week. My writing has to come last. I just don't have the time to do it all. By the time the kids are in bed, I'm exhausted.
As for our Grandmothers, they usually didn't have to earn a living at the same time. Cooking, cleaning and taking care of your children full time is a full time job!
It is possible, but all the stars have to align. I cared for DD another LO for 2 years while working from home part time. I worked while they took naps. Both were great nappers. When it got to be too much and the naps got shorter, I hired a part time nanny.
I also don't do all the household chores even though I do most. There is no F'ing way my DH would give me a list to get done. We actually sat down and divided up chores.
Bottom line: You can't be expected to do it all and your DH is out of line if he expects you to. Care for 2 kids, work and all the household stuff? That's 2 jobs to his one.
My Blog - 86'n It