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July 2012 Moms
reinedecajun
member
NBR even remotley (long)
reinedecajun
member
I need to get all this off my chest before I explode. None of this is baby related, but I honestly have nobody that I feel I can get all this out to comfortably. As much as I love this group of ladies, im so sad that this is the only place I feel comfortable "speaking". If you don't want to read this or think this may be inappropriate to post here, I understand, I just really have no where else to turn.
This long weekend has been awful, all me and dh have done is fight. Over petty nonsense, the same stuff we always fight about. We're both miserable here and blame ourselves for it, were both homesick even though DH is from SC he misses being in LA and being around my family and our friends. Moving back home financially it's just not possible, not for a while anyway and I don't know if our marriage can withstand the time it will take for us to save and finish the process. We've been planning on moving back for a long time, but it's honestly at least a 2 or 3 year plan. So we have that on our backs.
Then back story my dh has severe PTSD, he was hit with a IED in Iraq in 2004 and that's part of the reason he is out of the military now. He's had 8 back surgeries to repair the damage and he just will never be the same again. He is rated at 70% disabled, and 40% of that rating is for his PTSD. It's so hard to live with someone like that. I liken it to bipolar disorder, he has highs, and lows. I have to be very careful of the things I say to him because he takes everything to heart and put's the blame on himself. It can be something completely not his fault and he will accept the blame. He has also developed a bad habit of binge drinking, as of last night there is to be no more alcohol in the house. He's aware of this issue and agrees he can't be around alcohol. This is something we'll have to bring up at his next session at the VA.
AlsoI think I have PPD, I haven't been myself for about 3 months now. I thought I was just bummed because of changing from being a working mom to being a SAHM. Which is partly true, I should have never quit my job. I hate staying at home. I mean I love being able to spend so much time doing for my kids, but im not cut out for this. I need another purpose in my life other than raising my kids. So im calling my dr for a appointment today.
Finally, (this goes back to my husbands ptsd) since we've moved here 5 years ago, we have stopped enjoying life. We use to go camping and fishing literally every weekend when we were back home. We were never home, always out doing stuff with the kids. Now we don't do anything. We always made group plans with friends and family. But my husbands family is not close at all, we don't have that same family togetherness here. His dad hasn't even met Frankie and that's his only grandchild. DH's mom has time for us on holidays and that's about it, Christmas was the 5th time she's seen him. We moved to our "dream" home in the country or so I thought. When the reality is we moved in the middle of BFE because dh has ptsd and can't be around anyone. It didn't hit me until we had been here about a year or so.
So now im thinking about just walking away from everything, in order to save our marriage. Put the house up for sale and rent something back home. If DH can't transfer then we'll have to find something else. I know it's stupid and unstable but it's my last resort. I don't know what to do. MH was much happier back home and so were me and the kids. I know home is what you make of it, but 5 years later were not making it.
ETA: Thanks for reading this, I just really needed to get this out. Im sure it's makes about 10% sense and is probably all over the place in topics.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR even remotley (long)
The best I can offer is hugs. You're welcome to talk here anytime.
And at the end of the day if being around your family makes you guys happiest go for it. God knows Im miserable when Im stranded here and I know they are all together having fun. Dh knows now I need several small trips to see my mom and he is really good about it now.
One more thought... have you thought about a mini trip to visit your family and just get away all together?
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10 BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
This is what is the hard part. I can go back to work and I fully intend to. It's getting dh out around other people, before when we were around my family he sort of had no choice in the matter because my family is just in your face like that, and he would end up enjoying himself anyway. Which made getting him out the next time a little easier.
He's already on 90mg of prozac a day and I can't imagine it being increased. My heart breaks for him wanting to change and not being able to control his emotions.
We'll talk tonight, but im considering taking our tax refund and moving with it. We were going to do repairs on the house but now im not so sure. It's such a hard decision to walk away from our home and job security to go into the unknown. I'm contacting some real estate agents today, we have a VA loan guarantee that we never used so maybe that can help purchase another house down the line. My thoughts are just everywhere with this mess.
I have and it's in the works, on spring break i'll go down. I think it'll be to check out the area where my dad is and see about moving.
He's up for anything now, it's just the scariness of it all. Walking away from our home to the unknown. But I really think it's what''s going to end up happening to save our marriage. It's gotten to the point to where, we would rather have nothing and be happy than everything and be miserable.
I agree with PP. it may seem like an unstable choice to move, but really it seems like the best choice you could make at this point. The health of your family and your relationships are the most important things right now.
Don't apologize for posting this here. We are here for you no matter what.
Hes been on everything under the sun. Prozac has had the best results, i need a time machine pill!!