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Attachment Parenting
BeachMama7693
member
self weaning extended breastfeeder? (xp)
BeachMama7693
member
im not sure the best place to post this. but we practice ap and my 15 month old still breastfeeds. we only nurse at bedtime and once in the middle of the night/early am hours. my questions:
how did you know your lo was ready to stop breastfeeding? if they self weaned, what did they do to show you they didnt want to nurse anymore? did you completely stop offering after that?
for the last 4 nights at bedtime i have offered to nurse my lo, just as usual, and the first 2 nights, she latched for about a minute, turned over, and went to sleep. last night, she basically bit my nipple and wouldnt let go, and i said "nononono". i didnt really mean to say no, but i was scared she was about to bite me really hard and that was my initial reaction. she started BAWLING. she was really upset and i felt awful for saying no, i kept offering and she ended up putting her paci in and going to sleep. tonight, i offered, she patted my boob and just looked at it, then started to cry. she rolled over, crying, and went to sleep.
is this her indication that she doesnt want it anymore, but she doesnt really know how to "let go"? if that makes sense? or she has been doing it so long that she wants it but doesnt???
or did she cry again tonight because i told her nonono last night?
advice?? (just fyi, transitioned from bedshare to her toddler bed about 2 weeks ago and i sleep on the floor in her room still, also, i lay down with her to put her down at night.) sorry so long!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: self weaning extended breastfeeder? (xp)
thanks! so you think the crying is because i scolded her? thats what i thought, as did dh, but i wasnt sure. shes a sensitive little girl!
DS1 had some days like that around that age. It definitely wasn't self-weaning for him though! He's still nursing 1-2x/day. I would just follow her lead. If you feel like you're ready to be done, you could do don't offer/don't refuse. That never worked for me since I haven't initiated nursing since DS1 was like 9 months old or something. He has always asked very often.
I also agree with PP that it could also be her reaction to the biting incident. You may find she's back to her usual self in a few days.
I think it would be easy for you to get bogged down trying to analyze whether your daughter's actions are due to your sharp "No!" or because she's self-weaning or a combination of the two. You are not going to be able to parse this out. Even if she is feeling sensitive and upset now, you were right to correct her and let her know that biting your nipple is NOT okay!
What you want to do is to determine, based on what things were like leading up to the biting incident, if she's on the verge of self-weaning. If you think she is and you're ready, you probably want to move forward with weaning. If she's close enough to weaning that the "no" was enough to push her into it, then maybe it's time.
If you feel that she was still very interested in nursing at those 2 times a day, then keep offering her the chance to nurse and soothing her. She'll come around! It might take a few days, but just keep to your routine and she'll get back into it!
My DD self-weaned at about 12 months. Like your DD, mine was down to 2x/day anyway. I reached a point where I realized that I was making far more of an effort to continue nursing than she was. One day I just decided to skip the pre-nap nursing and see what happened. This was the one she had seemed to "need" most. She didn't even bat an eye. It was very bittersweet for me, but I was glad I followed her lead. I probably could have kept offering her the chance to nurse, and she would have kept nursing, but it would have been more about me and less about her needs.
DS self-weaned at 19 months (but I was already pregnant too, so I know my supply was changing too at the same time.) He just kind of tapered off on how long he fed, from 15 minutes-ish down to ten, then five, then latching, giggling and running off instead. We did morning and bedtime towards the end and when he stopped nursing for more than five minutes at bedtime, I took advantage and dropped that feeding because I was ready to drop it and we were trying to get him out of our bed. He's a very active toddler and was kicking us to death in our bed. The morning one he held onto for a lot longer, but eventually he dropped that one on his own. I kind of did the "don't offer, don't refuse" method though because I was ready for him to be done too. If you aren't ready yet, then keeping offering and if she really doesn't want to nurse, she will refuse.
I too reacted badly to being bit with both my girls, and they cried for that session but totally forgot about it afterward and it didn't negatively affect future sessions.
My first daughter gradually self-weaned at 2.5 years, but I was gently encouraging it at that point. I don't even remember how it happened, it was so gradual. I don't remember our last nursing session.
With my second daughter, around 14 months she went on what I thought was a "nursing strike". She would only nurse once a day, and even then she would only latch for a few seconds and then pull away and want to get down. I thought it was a phase and so kept offering it often for the next couple months, but she got more and more agitated with it and ended up completely weaning by 16 months.
I would guess her reaction is to being scolded and not because she doesn't want to nurse anymore. From what I've read, toddlers don't really self wean before 2 years.
https://kellymom.com/bf/normal/babyselfwean/
DD2 went through a period around 15 months when she was less interested in nursing. She started to go down for a nap without nursing, but she continued to nurse morning and night as usual (and multiple times throughout the night). I ended up night weaning her at 25 months and got pg pretty soon after that. We gradually tapered off nursing after that as it got too uncomfortable for me and as my supply decreased. She weaned around 27-28 months.
DD1 was much more attached to nursing than DD2. She never went though any decrease in nursing unless I initiated it. At 15 months she was still nursing 4x a day and 1-2x during the night. I night weaned her at 26 months. She started having problems with her latch as she got older. She never bit me, but she'd kind of dig her top teeth into my nipple and leave marks. After a few months of that I gave up trying to correct her latch and started slowly weaning her. We started weaning at 34 months, and she was weaned at 38 months.
With both girls, I just stopped offering at times I didn't want to nurse, but I let them nurse if they asked. I basically did one session at a time, and we kind of gradually dropped it as they stopped asking. With DD2, there were times I offered at bedtime, but she refused or she nursed for 30 seconds and then was done. I just kind of followed her lead and kept offering until she consistently refused.
If you want to keep nursing, I'd just try to follow her lead. (Maybe remind her to be gentle before she latches on.)
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