Blended Families
mccall0113
member
Options
being told what to do...
mccall0113
member
My DS (11) was scheduled to visit BF for 7 hours yesterday. DS is allowed to come home if he becomes upset per the CO. DS called 1.5 hours into visit needing to come home. I was driving my SD to her mother some distance in snow storm. I made arrangements for my parents to watch DS. His father "did not feel comfortable" dropping DS off there. He proceeded to tell me that I am not allowed to go out of town for this reason and that I wanted all of this to begin with. 1. I hate being told what to do and feel ex has no right to dictate where I go. 2. He should be a man and "deal" with our son or man up and drop him to my parents. Who do I get to call if DS has an outburst? No one, because I am the mother. I am at a loss on help the relationship between ex and DS. DS has aspergers and bipolar, has therapist & psychiatrist but ex makes no effort to get involved. I feel this is a slippery slope ad we are in for a long struggle. Not picking up my son is not an option for me. There was a no contact order earlier this year because ex lost his temper toward DS. Thanks if you read this far! Needed to vent.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: being told what to do...
Ditto this. That is probably the worst clause I have seen. If the child can decide to come home if he gets upset then it sounds like you need to be "on call" just in case.
If BD can just wash his hands of your DS if he "gets upset" how will he get used to dealing with him when it is difficult?
I think the "get out" clause is warranted in this situation. If the CO isn't drawn up yet, I would request that either you or your parents can pick him up in that situation.
That gives you a back up if you need one. You shouldn't have to be waiting around at home during his visitation.
I agree with this. If Dad has lost his temper with DS before, DS should def have a way out if he gets upset. You shouldn't have to be on call though, see if you can add to the CO that your parents can pick him up if you are unable.
I am NOT trying to be rude or snarky here, but if you had to HAVE a "get out" clause written into your Court Order, BECAUSE you know that your son and ExH have problems interacting, then it behooves YOU (the person who forced this loop-hole) to be available during visitation times.
I am not saying that your son does not need or deserve this clause. I am not saying that you shouldnt' expect your son's father to be able to handle his son appropriately and effectively.
But damn it, you KNEW the situation and you choose to bring your SD to her mother's in a snowstorm? YOU opened yourself up to this occurring the minute you got into that car.
Where was your husband and why wasnt he fulfilling his custodial duties for his kid so you could ensure your responsibilities for your child were set?
At the very least, you should have had your contingency plan figured out with ExH BEFORE you left.
Lessons Learned.
If there was a no contact order(I assume for your child and ex not you and your ex) then why wasn't something more like supervised visits put in before an escape claus?
That being said I know if my ex and I had an escape clause my ex would either not use it and force DS to stay with him or he'd also make ME come over and pick up DS...that said I would suggest adding a different person have the ability to care and pick up the child until you are available. I think to smooth things over it should state you will make appropriete arrangements to become available as soon as possible in situations like that...