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Dads & Dads-to-be
name1109
member
Question to Dads: Sex
name1109
member
Baby is due in 2 ish weeks. My husband hasn't wanted to have sex for a long time. It's making me feel so ugly, underappreciated, gross and down right repugnant. I've gained 25 lbs this entire pregnancy and I just don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm one of 7 children and am used to kids, he is one of 2. He's never dealt with children and is nervous. I'm not too concerned about having a bag packed, having the birth plan nailed down, ....it's all going to happen. So what is making me so darn unattractive. He says I'm pretty and I look great etc but no dice.
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Re: Question to Dads: Sex
I am wondering if this post is real.
Very real. I'm not stressing about all the little things. I just wish I didn't feel so un-attractive to him.
You can plan all you want...but at the end of the day it's going to happen whether I have every little thing planned or not.
Okay well, I doubt he is that he thinks you are unattractive.
You know how to fix this? Communicate. Does he know you are feeling this way? Have you told him you feel unattractive and you don't know why he wants to have sex?
I bet he could tell you how he feels quicker than we can!
When my wife was in her third trimester, she spent a lot of time complaining about how tired and unattractive she felt. As a man, if I've learned one thing on this planet, when your wife talks about how exhausted she is, don't try to have sex with her.
On top of that, the times we did have sex things just didn't go as smoothly as usual. I'm talking half the time we ended up stopping because she was uncomfortable or it hurt. So do you think there was any wonder why I was unenthusiastic about having sex with her towards the end? I figured it would just lead to her being uncomfortable and me being left blue balled. Whee.
Bottom line, give yourself the next two months from stressing out too much about sex. Things will go back to normal.
There could be many factors contributing to your lack of sex currently... none of which is likely to be your appearance.
Like one dad said previous, this late in the pregnancy, my wife wasn't feeling all that attractive and was very tired as well. She did not act like she wanted it at all. Have you made moves toward your husband indicating that you want some sex?
He may be worried about hurting the baby... yes, we all know that it can't happen, but despite the logic... it is a concern for some men. They don't want to hurt the kid, or the kid to see it coming at them (even though the child is well protected and there is no way to see anything in there coming at them).
He may be stressed about being a dad... you said he's nervous. This is a new world to him, and he's probably adjusting to the idea that it is right around the corner. If he's feeling stressed about the impending changes to his life, to both of your lives, he's probably not really geared up for a night of love making.
Great point. Nothing kills the male sex drive faster than stress. I think sometimes women are surprised that we're not just horny machines that want it all the time. I mean, compared to (most of) them I suppose we are, but stress really can stagnate things in that regard.
Each person is different. For me and my wife we did it up until she was induced. Towards the end we were doing it to try to speed up labor.
Other women would not let their husbands touch them from the time they found out to over a year after the child was born.
As others have said, communicate directly with your husband instead of guessing.
My wife has a horrible third trimester. If I would have tried to touch her at any point this past summer I would have been hanging from the roof like that cop in Silence of the Lambs!
I also was more focused on so much more than sex at that point. Work, getting the room ready, making sure my wife was comfortable and trying to pick up the slack. Life is busy!
Now, baby boy is going on 4 months (Christmas Day!!), and I just got me some this morning!!
In other words, life is changing for you guys.....you will adapt together, and before you know it, nasty time while the baby sleeps away in the next room!!
A whole different type of sex now.....
You are 38 weeks pregnant and your husband is new to all of this. Sex is probably the last thing on his mind right now and it wouldn't be a surprise if it was on the back burner for a minute. This is a lot to take in....being a father, and contrary to stereotypes, we don't always think about sex and humping our wives to death all of the time. He could be worried about the baby, you, the huge shift about to take place in his life, his to-do list, etc.
I know it sucks right now, but hang in there. You made the baby so I'm 100% sure you both will be back in the sack soon.