2nd Trimester

What if....?

The thread about circumcision causes me to always think about where people get their information, why they do what they do, how they come to the decisions they make. I know that we made the best decision for our son and our family.

I propose a question---a what-would-you-do situation. Circumcision is a difficult decision for some, for some it's simple; yes or no. But what if your child was born intersexed? (We used to call this "hermaphrodite") With a vagina and a penis? What if they had a vagina with undescended testicles? Or the other way around?

(Society demands us to raise our children as a male or female? This is a whole other issue that we could go on about but let's stick to the physical challenges...)

Your child is born intersexed. What would you do? Do you start to cut right away?

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Re: What if....?

  • In a class I took in college we learned this this happens far more often than we would think. The professors encouraged the idea of waiting until the child is old enough to choose their gender themselves and then once they have made that decision they would have the surgery. They referenced studies that showed that waiting and letting the child decide produced healthier children than making the decision right away for the child (with the possibility that their genitalia won't match their gender). No matter what that would be a very hard choice to have to make and I hope I never have to make it! 
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  • My simple answer: I would let the child decide when they are old enough to make that decision.

    However, that poses a whole other set of issues that have to be addressed.  The clothing, toys, EVERYTHING that we buy for our kids is geared towards one specific gender or another.  As a parent, I think it would be so challenging to try to raise that child without influencing them one way or another.  I can't imagine how hard it would be, in that situation, to raise an emotionally healthy child.   

    Another thing, how old is old enough?  Is an 8 year old really going to be "wrong" when he decides he is male?  Can you let an 8 year old decide it's the right time to have a surgery like that?   Are you making things worse if you deny him that decision until he's a teenager? 

    I can't imagine being in that situation, all I know is it would be really difficult. 

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  • I can't imagine being faced with this- but if it were to happen, I'd think I'd let the child identify themselves as one sex or another prior to any surgery and I don't think I'd let the physical surgery happen until they were at least past puberty so they knew for sure.

    But that raises another another question in my mind- what if you have a physically normal child that insists they identify with a different gender. Do you let them have a sex change?

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  • I wouldn't let my child who was physically normal have a sex change surgery until they were a legal adult.  I would get them a lot of counseling, and if they still felt strongly about being the opposite gender, I might let them dress as such, or potentially take hormones to prevent changes during puberty... very much depending on the situation.  But nothing permanent when they are not adults yet.

    If my child were born intersex, I think I'd like to wait until they were older to decide on a surgery themselves... but it's a good question of what gender you raise them as.  My first response is to say that I might raise them as a girl- because society tends to be more accepting of a girl with masculine traits than a male with feminine traits.  And again it may be more socially acceptable for a "girl" to dress as/become a boy than the other way around.

    But in all honesty, faced with such a situation, I think it would take a lot of information from doctors, a lot of counseling, and a lot of thought to decide how to proceed.

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