Anyone still one and done?

tartertots9725 · December 2012

Any of you one and done ladies change your minds? Just curious....*cough, cough* Becca *cough, cough* We need more Bo babies!

becasmeca · December 2012

Tarter, you are so sweet!

Trust me! Last night my H and I had a date, and I was wishing I could pull this dang IUD out! We had such a hot and heavy night where I felt in my heart of hearts we needed to try for one more baby! We were laughing all night, talked about if we had a baby girl (names how I would do her nursery...hypnobabies AHEM) or a brother for Bo... But then my husband said "it is nice to dream...thank God for the IUD" Sad He is still hell bent we are one and done.

I completely see where he is coming from; actually, where we both were coming from in terms of being able to completely-easily provide an enriched life for one baby. Adding another would stretch that dream we have as parents and as consequence, the babies could receieve less than what we feel they deserve. It is really tough right now in my head. I call it my mental baby limbo--but I am the only one playing! My H is solid in his decision.

sami1784 · December 2012

If DH has his way, we'll definitely be "one and done". I still keep going back and forth between "one and done" and "but R *needs* a sibling!!" I know that we could give R so much more attention and so many more opportunities if we just have one child. If we have another, we would have to split our time and financial resources between the two, and "there is never any way to truly treat both kids equal" (according to DH).

bluejetta · December 2012

nope still one.

mnewlee · December 2012

Just one here too.

Part of me would like to have another eventually but H is firmly one and done so that makes the decision easier.

Yasiris1105 · December 2012

H sometimes say "just one" and sometimes he fuss about wanting a girl... I really don't know where he stands. I want another one. I hate it being pregnant but I love being a Mom and I have siblings... four to be exact [ 3 half siblings and my brother] so I want Matt to have what I had. H is an only son and I try to explain him and he says that he does understand because he had his friends... but... yeah, not the same. I hope that maybe in a year we can start planning :] oh and of course that financialy talking we are good to go and do it.

tartertots9725 · December 2012

I may need to start a petition to keep all of you from being one and done. The world needs more of your sweet LOs!!!

GingerNess · December 2012

jakstr0808:
sami1784:
"there is never any way to truly treat both kids equal" according to DH.nbsp;
Wow, so I guess all the mothers of two or more must've been really b!tchy to have decided to have more than one, since they couldn't treat their kids equally. I must be a really shitty mother to have two children at the same time, but must somehow neglect one or the other. All according to your H, of course. Hmmm, I guess the idea of consistent parenting doesn't strike a chord with your H? Yeah, I don't think he should have another.

:::slow claps:::

sozay23 · December 2012

GingerNess:
jakstr0808:
sami1784:
"there is never any way to truly treat both kids equal" according to DH.nbsp;
Wow, so I guess all the mothers of two or more must've been really b!tchy to have decided to have more than one, since they couldn't treat their kids equally. I must be a really shitty mother to have two children at the same time, but must somehow neglect one or the other. All according to your H, of course. Hmmm, I guess the idea of consistent parenting doesn't strike a chord with your H? Yeah, I don't think he should have another.

:::slow claps:::

::Joins the slow clap::

Seriously, what a weird reason not to have two kids. Do you agree with him? What exactly does he mean by that?

sami1784 · December 2012

sozay23:
GingerNess:
jakstr0808:
sami1784:
"there is never any way to truly treat both kids equal" according to DH.nbsp;
Wow, so I guess all the mothers of two or more must've been really b!tchy to have decided to have more than one, since they couldn't treat their kids equally. I must be a really shitty mother to have two children at the same time, but must somehow neglect one or the other. All according to your H, of course. Hmmm, I guess the idea of consistent parenting doesn't strike a chord with your H? Yeah, I don't think he should have another.
:::slow claps:::
::Joins the slow clap:: Seriously, what a weird reason not to have two kids. Do you agree with him? What exactly does he mean by that?

I definitely don't agree with him. His main reasoning is that he doesn't think that my parents treat me and my sister equally. It gets under his skin that they "run to her aid" when she calls them (I'm a lot more independent than she is, and and frankly don't ask them to "come to my aid". He still has a chip on his shoulder over them not coming down here to see to me when I was in a car accident a couple years ago (I wasn't hurt that badly, so I told them to not worry about it because I would be fine with a day or two of rest), but that they drive the 3 hours to my sisters' house anytime something happens). Not only that, but my sister was always involved in cheerleading, soccer, gymnastics, camps, and what not in high school, whereas I only really participated in Academic Team. DH doesn't think that it was right that my parents paid for my sister to particpate in all of that, but that I only particpated in an activity that didn't cost anything - I'm not atheletically inclined and I really had no interest in going far from home, thus I never asked to participate in any of those activities. Personally, I think that while no two kids will ever be the same (such as my sister and me), there is such thing as treating them "equally".

vnstacie · December 2012

EmpireMomof3:
. For the sake of everyone on the board maybe you should do us all a favor and not write what your husband says because its all just a bunch of malarkey and causes ill feelings.

I second this, I'm pretty sure nobody cares what your husband has to say at this point.

ALF222 · December 2012

I'm starting to think we might be one and done. I just can't imagine having another with how highmaintenance J is. Love her to death but just may not have the energy for another.

strngysgurl · December 2012

jakstr0808:
My husband literally counts out how many blueberries or pieces of cheese or puffs or yogurt drops he puts on each girl's tray. I'm sorry your parents treated you and your sister unfairly but I would hope your husband would be educated enough to understand that just because one set of parents doesn't treat their kids fairly does not make it right to assume it's impossible for others to be more consistent and fair. Like he does realize he's in charge of his own actions and is not required to follow your parents' or his parents' example to the letter, right? That's the genius of being the next generation. We can learn from our parents' mistakes. Like hopefully one day R won't be as ignorant as his father.

Touch! And that's so sweet of your DH to count everything out!

To OP no plans for one and done here. And I agree some people need more!!!

strngysgurl · December 2012

Ugh. Clearly bump mobile does not like the accent over the e. touche not touch.

valzee · December 2012

I'm glad to see there are so many of us who only want one child because every time I tell someone that we're not having any more kids they look at me like I have two heads. I feel so judged! lol

I will admit that I had a low-grade baby fever yesterday morning, but then I got over it. Smile

solsburyhill · December 2012

faupanda:
vnstacie:

EmpireMomof3:
. For the sake of everyone on the board maybe you should do us all a favor and not write what your husband says because its all just a bunch of malarkey and causes ill feelings.

I second this, I'm pretty sure nobody cares what your husband has to say at this point.

Word.

valzee · December 2012

OhBenji:
valzee:
I'm glad to see there are so many of us who only want one child because every time I tell someone that we're not having any more kids they look at me like I have two heads. I feel so judged! lol
I will admit that I had a low-grade baby fever yesterday morning, but then I got over it.
I feel judged as well but whats right for one family is not necessarily right for another family.
I just stay quiet when people ask about 2nd child because its none of their business. MIL will often say "You guys are not having just one child, are you? One child is like no kids" which really upsets me. There's a huuuuuuuge difference with having one child and no kids.

Uh, what? That's a horrible thing to say. By that logic she should consider your LO irrelevant.

I've started to just say "not yet" to end the conversation.

becasmeca · December 2012

I get "the look" too when asked when we will have another. Then I always say the wrong thing somehow to explain why my H and I are thinking one-and-done. A few weeks ago at Book Babies I pointed out to a nother mom that Bo mostly plays by himself...he will come and play trains or books for a minute, but then run off and do his own thing. The other mom told me it was because he was an only child?

so of course, I get a complex and think I am setting the foundation of social interaction for Bowen poorly because he is the only child. That night I searched peer reviewed articles; The Origins of Social Skills and Interaction among Play group Toddlers (Mueller et al., 1977) was interesting! I realize it is dated but it highlighted the notion of parallel play as the norm for toddlers and by playing alongside others is in fact their way of playing. Blah-blah-blah! zip it other mom. His play is normal...not because he is the only child at home.

I think this is the first of many comments and complexes about only having one baby.

Another was what if something happened to my H and I? Bo would be alone.

bluejetta · December 2012

valzee:
I'm glad to see there are so many of us who only want one child because every time I tell someone that we're not having any more kids they look at me like I have two heads. I feel so judged! lol
I will admit that I had a low-grade baby fever yesterday morning, but then I got over it.

I get this too from friends and strangers. Even though I really enjoy N now more than as an infant I feel even more strongly that I want to spent my time with her and soak her up. I feel our family is complete and it bugs the heck out of me when others see fit to tell me otherwise.

bluejetta · December 2012

becasmeca:
I get "the look" too when asked when we will have another. Then I always say the wrong thing somehow to explain why my H and I are thinking one-and-done. A few weeks ago at Book Babies I pointed out to a nother mom that Bo mostly plays by himself...he will come and play trains or books for a minute, but then run off and do his own thing. The other mom told me it was because he was an only child?
so of course, I get a complex and think I am setting the foundation of social interaction for Bowen poorly because he is the only child. That night I searched peer reviewed articles; The Origins of Social Skills and Interaction among Play group Toddlers (Mueller et al., 1977) was interesting! I realize it is dated but it highlighted the notion of parallel play as the norm for toddlers and by playing alongside others is in fact their way of playing. Blah-blah-blah! zip it other mom. His play is normal...not because he is the only child at home.
I think this is the first of many comments and complexes about only having one baby.
Another was what if something happened to my H and I? Bo would be alone.

Beca -- I have had these same worries and it is reassuring to know that if we decide to raise one (or many) that we are raising happy, healthy, super kids. Don't let anyone tell you different!

Amanda&EricB · December 2012

becasmeca:
Another was what if something happened to my H and I? Bo would be alone.

On the other side of this coin, having siblings does not always mean your child won't be alone. I have a brother, and he was not even in the state when our mom died, nor did he call me to mourn with me. When our father dies someday, I have no doubt the situation will be the same.

becasmeca · December 2012

Amanda&EricB:
becasmeca:
Another was what if something happened to my H and I? Bo would be alone.
On the other side of this coin, having siblings does not always mean your child won't be alone. I have a brother, and he was not even in the state when our mom died, nor did he call me to mourn with me. When our father dies someday, I have no doubt the situation will be the same.

Amanda, I am so sorry to hear this. Losing a parent is so tough. You are right. Having a sibling does not guarantee closeness or togetherness. I am the youngest of 5; my H is the oldest of 3 boys and well, Christmas dinner was just me, my H, and Bo.

babybmom · December 2012

Amanda&EricB:
becasmeca:
Another was what if something happened to my H and I? Bo would be alone.
On the other side of this coin, having siblings does not always mean your child won't be alone. I have a brother, and he was not even in the state when our mom died, nor did he call me to mourn with me. When our father dies someday, I have no doubt the situation will be the same.

I definitely see both sides if this. My brother an I are not close either. He has never met C, even though him, his wide and daughter have been invited many times. It's their choice.

The great thing is that you can make your family whoever you want it to be. I have a wonderful "family", most of whom are DH's relatives, close friends and their parents and/or siblings. I do feel like I'm missing out on something but I've tried to make the best of it.

Pips09 · December 2012

We are undecided at this point. I actually get a different reaction, though, at least from people who know us. It's usually "oh, I understand" because of what we went through with this baby being premature. I feel like its a bit condescending, like they think I couldn't handle it, but I think they are trying to be understanding, and I'm just being sensitive.

Anyone still one and done?

Re: Anyone still one and done?

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