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Having a hard time

solemnlyswearsolemnlyswear member
in Preemies

I am feeling really sad right now, just saw that a friend who was also pregnant just had her baby four days ago and they are already home together. I am so happy for her, but a part of me is so upset.

I find myself thinking that I just wish I could have my baby home with me too. I fight with feelings that it's not fair and why couldn't I have a normal pregnancy and feeling like I did something wrong. Even though I know I didn't and there was nothing I could do. Then I fight with myself because I feel like I should just be happy that my son is alive and fighting. There is so much emotion going on inside of me that I feel like I am going to explode. I don't know anyone who has gone through anything like this so I feel like I have no one to talk to that really understands.I have my husband but I know he is dealing with this is his own way and while we are trying to talk and be open sometimes it is hard. I just want my son to be home with his mom and dad and not in an isolette in the hospital, I know that right now though that is the best place for him. He is doing really well and he is a strong little guy with a lot to say to the world. His nurses call him a spitfire. 

But to make matters worse he is in a hospital an hour and a half away in another state. So while we were able to stay with him the whole week this week and stay with family we had to come home today because my husband has to go back to work for a few days.

We are going to head back down as soon as we can, but I just feel so guilty because i can't be down there with him. I feel like I should be down there with him every minute and I feel like a bad parent when I can't be there. It's just so hard to be away from him and it makes me so sad and depressed.

I am going to try and keep my mind off of it by working on his room while we are home, but I could really use some advice on some of you coped when you couldn't be with your little ones. Is he going to be okay without me for a few days? Sorry this turned out so long just having so many emotions right now. 

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Re: Having a hard time

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    MinaE01MinaE01 member

    I'm sorry your son is so far away. That must add to the stress of having a baby in the NICU. What you're feeling is totally normal. I felt the same way and still feel jealous of friends who have gone full-term.

    I coped with DS being in the NICU by getting things ready for him at home when I wasn't there. He was born at 32w3d and we weren't very prepared! I felt when I wasn't there, I was still doing something for him. I also felt that pumping was something I could do for him also. He will be ok without you for a few days. Those NICU nurses are the best! I know it hurts but he's in good hands. Once he comes home, you'll get to make up for all that time you were away from him :) You may find it beneficial to talk to a counselor to help process your feelings. Congrats on your little spitfire! He'll be home before you know it!

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    MBB41707MBB41707
    I want to echo everything the previous posters said. Also, when my son was in the hospital it helped me to remember that eventually the whole experience would just be a memory. When you are in the middle of it, it feels like it will last forever, especially because it is so hard to predict when you will be able to take your little one home. But it won't last forever and there will be a time when it will be in your past and just a memory. Hang in there!
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    3litttlebirds3litttlebirds member
    It is very tough having a baby in the NICU. And I can imagine it is more so when the hospital is not nearby. Like a PP said, it is hard, but just think to yourself that this is only for a relatively short amount of time. It is not a forever situation. Everyday gets you closer to the time when you will bring your baby home. Right now he is where he needs to be getting the care he needs at this time. So you're on the right path for you and your son...it's just a difficult path to travel right now...but it gets easier!
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    solemnlyswearsolemnlyswear member
    Thank you ladies so much, it's nice to know that I am not alone in how I feel. I have talked to H about talking to a counselor and I think it may be something I need to do. DH and I did go out to dinner one night after we got done at the hospital and did the whole she-bang, and it did help. I can't wait to get back down to him, but thank you for the advice I really appreciate it. Going to get started on his room today, have to put away all his Christmas presents away, spoiled little boy   :)
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