Baby Shower IL stress (rant & advice needed)
ToAoShesha
member
My IL live in another state and are struggling financially (A LOT!). Yesterday while talking to my MIL I requested she create me a list of family members she wants to receive an invite for my baby shower. She then proceeded to tell me that she and the family plan on coming to town for the baby shower and staying at my house!! She stated if that was a problem they would stay elsewhere (which I know they cannot afford). My mother and sister are also coming in town (planned months ago) and staying at my home.
The baby shower takes place at my home and we are expecting 40 people. I do not have room for all of my in-laws to stay here. My hubby of course wants to see his family and doesn't understand why my family can stay but his can't. He feels as if I am choosing my family over his. I don't think I am, my mother and sister have been planned for months!
I requested that just the women come and it became a huge deal! They want the whole family to come (Mother, Father, Grandma, Grandpa, and 21& 17 year old boys) to stay with me in our three bedroom home where the baby shower is being hosted!
Am I being selfish? Crazy? Over kill? Or am I in the right to say the women can come but if more come they cannot stay here? Do you think I am picking my family over his? What would you do? HELP!
Re: Baby Shower IL stress (rant & advice needed)
I think it's weird to suggest that only the women can stay.
how long are they planning to stay? if only a few days.. well, i know it sucks, but a few days is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I personally would not like it, but what can ya do?
No, I don't think you're picking your family over his. Obviously you're going to want and feel more comfortable with your own.
I would just relax and try not to let it bother you. Days go by pretty quickly.
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My personal opinion on the matter is that they don't have the right to say who gets to come if they're expecting you to put them up. That said, if they're so insistent that everyone you mentioned be allowed to attend, you should tell them you can't house them. The ball will be in their court at that point, and they can either decide that they can afford to stay elsewhere or that they should cut down numbers so it wouldn't be unreasonable for a couple of them to stay with you.
As for your husband's reaction, it's understandable. He wants to see his family too. But your family has been planning it for months, and his family is not only just now bringing this up, but, if what you say about their financial situation is true, they're surreptitiously trying to fob a LOT of responsibility and strain onto you instead of taking responsibility for it themselves. It's not that they can't come or that you're trying to put your family first, it's just a lot for them to expect you to do so much of the legwork. Besides, first plans get priority.
Then again, you could be jumping to conclusions about whether they have the money to put themselves up for the trip. Maybe they've been saving? Maybe they're going to use refund money? You can't know for sure, so I don't think it's unreasonable of you to actually take the option they gave you of them paying to stay elsewhere.
So, again, what I said above about putting the ball in their court.
I'm a big believer that if someone is going to insinuate themselves into a plan, they ought to be able to flesh out the plan themselves. And I honestly don't understand why baby showers have to be such a big source of pointless drama. Just my two cents.
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I am astounded by the bad manners of people. I can't imagine a whole family inviting themselves to stay somewhere, especially somewhere that is the home of a pregnant woman.
Good luck. No advice.
Maybe say you would love to see them, and since you unfortunately cannot house them all, they can put the money that would have gone towards gifts for you and babe towards a hotel/motel stay? Their "presence" is more important than their "presents"!
Yes this sounds like a nice idea. I would just tell them that your mother & sister had planned months in advance to stay so all of them would not be able to stay. What if a few stayed with you & the other stayed in a hotel?