Deployment, Baby, Wedding, PCSing Overseas.. yay? — The Bump
Military Families

Deployment, Baby, Wedding, PCSing Overseas.. yay?

So my fiance is deployed, baby is due end of January, he gets home in the summer, planning on a July wedding, and moving to Japan in August...

What I need to know is any advice about 1. Planning a wedding while he's gone, how to get him involved when he does not want to even talk wedding stuff.. 2. Dealing with the ups and downs while he's gone and staying positive about getting married 3. Advice on moving that far from home with a baby let alone traveling with a baby that far.. 4. Military moving in general.. Since we have never moved before we both don't know what to expect about getting our things over to Japan and getting housing in Japan before or once we get there?! 

 

There is so much going on any advice or hints to what I can do now or things that have worked for you guys would be so helpful! 

 

*edited by Mod. Please don't post specific months for deployment dates. 

Re: Deployment, Baby, Wedding, PCSing Overseas.. yay?

  • Wow what a plate full! Congrats on the upcoming wedding and baby Big Smile Where will you be stationed in Japan? We are currently in Yokosuka!
    TTC our first Navy baby! Me:27 DH:30, together since 8/2003, Married on 7/2006
    9/26/10 stopped BCP and started TTC.
    9/2011 referred to RE. All blood work normal and DH's SA=normal results
    11/2011 HSG=both tubes clear
    One natural (monitored) cycle of Clomid, 50mg 2/2012= BFN
    Getting ready for first IUI, 3/2012 received orders to Japan! (postponed IUI)
    5/2012 Moved to Japan, fought Tricare for months over referral (no fertility treatment on our military base) for Japanese RE out in town!
    8/2012 Started seeing new RE
    9/2012, post coital test= hostile cervical fluid, (finally) moving on with first IUI!
    9/29/2012 IUI #1+trigger= BFN
    10/27/2012 IUI #2+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger= BFN
    11/28/2012 IUI #3+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger= BFN
    12/28/2012 IUI#4+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger=BFN
    2/1/2013 IUI#5+injectables+trigger=BFN
    3/2013 IUI#6+injectables+trigger=???
    image
  • Wow! Good luck!! :

    My advice on the wedding planning get a couple of girlfriends to help you and don't take it personally that he doesn't want to talk about it. When my H was deployed, there were a lot of things he didn't want to talk about, partly I think because it was his third deployment and he was afraid he wasn't coming home... Sad, but true. He would never outright say that, but I learned fast what topics to avoid because they would make him upset which made me upset. Anyway, try to enjoy the planning with some girls over a pedicure since drinking wine is now out. I might send him email updates with pictures, so if he wants to know what decisions are being made he can, but he has so much going on that he doesn't have to decide anything.

    I've never moved overseas, so I can't help there, but we've moved 2 times with the military since being married. 1 time was excellent, the 2nd time sucked. They broke a bunch of stuff, were jerks, etc. You should be able to go into temporary housing right away until you find a permanent place.

    I would try to take one step at a time... You have a really full plate this year. Good luck! TPs!
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  • You will definitely get to Japan before your stuff, but they'll have you pack essentials (they'll call it unaccompanied baggage usually) that you'll need right away.  Housing (if you live on post/base) will be assigned once you get there, so you might be in a hotel for a little while.  I don't know much else about moving OCONUS, we've only done continental US so far.

    For deployment, this is difficult but try not to focus on it.  Get yourself involved in a local Bible study (if you're religious) or get together with girlfriends for lunch or a spa day.  Just do something that you know will make you feel better when you get down.  

    I did a majority of the wedding planning for our wedding with little to no input from my husband, and he preferred it that way.  (I also got tired of "babe, what do you think about x?" Hubby: I don't care. *sigh*)  He did have input in the cake, the food, the venue, and what the wedding party wore (mostly the groomsmen), and he did agree to the colors (i picked out a couple different combos of colors, he told me which one he liked the best and we went with it). If you have a girlfriend whose super excited about your wedding (or your mom or sister or any one really) than bounce wedding ideas off them, it'll help you get excited and the more excited you are the more you can try and get your fiance involved.

     Hope this helps! 

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  • I just want to add that you will not be on his orders to Japan until you are officially married.  There is a possibility then that they will send him to Japan and you might have to wait back while they can get you on his accompanied orders.  It's possible they can rewrite the orders on the spot, but it's also possible that it can take a few weeks, so you may want to be prepared for that just in case.
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  • I planned my wedding without DH as well, so I've been there. All in all, if he doesn't want to be involved with the planning, don't involve him. Ask his input for only essential things.otherwise, have at it. If he were local, he still probably would take little interest. Don't take it personal.
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  • We will be at camp zama which I think is right next to Yokota...? He's af but we will be on an army base I guess.. Which makes things even more confusing since I don't know army terms or anything. 

     

    Im curious how traveling with a 6 month old is going to work too.. That'll be an experience by itself. 

  • Do you know if its possible for his orders to get cancelled when we get married? Would they do something like that?
  • imageLindsayB523:
    Do you know if its possible for his orders to get cancelled when we get married? Would they do something like that?

    I highly doubt they would cancel them just because he got married, but with the military anything can change at any time so it's always a possibility no matter what circumstances you are under.  I would just continue to plan everything with the info you have and if for some reason they do change you'll just have to go with the flow :)  It'll work out no matter what, I promise!

    Since you're AF moving onto an Army post (we're Army btw) you might want to look into that post's facebook group if they have one so that you can start asking questions and getting used to the lingo and whatnot ahead of time.

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  • I have moved internationally twice on orders and once unaccompanied, so if you have any specific questions let me know.  I have also moved with a baby and it wasn't that bad at all.  You'll know closer to your move date which baby items are essential for you and you'll figure out a way to have those readily available.  It's hard to plan for before baby comes since every baby is different, but once the time comes, you'll be so used to your LO that that part of the move won't be too hard.
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  • imageAFwifelife:

    imageLindsayB523:
    Do you know if its possible for his orders to get cancelled when we get married? Would they do something like that?

    I'm going to straight up say no, they will not cancel orders for a wedding.  That's why many just go to the courthouse to get paper married and have a ceremony later.  Best thing to do is to continue planning the wedding and be flexible.  The mil brides board on the know can help with that.  

     Oh and if you haven't heard the phrase  "hurry up and wait", it will soon become your new mantra lol DH and I pushed up our wedding date because he had a EAD of early May to come to our base then didn't actually leave until Sept. 30th.  I love the AF lifestyle but you do need to be flexible with everything and know that your FI's first responsibility is the AF.   

    Not true. They could cancel his orders. DoD is cutting back on families going OCONUS due to budget cuts and they're making command sponsorships harder to get. Now if he's already there and they get married they'll have to get her a command sponsorship. But it is entirely possible they cancel his orders because he got married.

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    CJ 05/29/2013

  • imageAFwifelife:

    imageLindsayB523:
    Do you know if its possible for his orders to get cancelled when we get married? Would they do something like that?

    I'm going to straight up say no, they will not cancel orders for a wedding.  That's why many just go to the courthouse to get paper married and have a ceremony later.  Best thing to do is to continue planning the wedding and be flexible.  The mil brides board on the know can help with that.  

     Oh and if you haven't heard the phrase  "hurry up and wait", it will soon become your new mantra lol DH and I pushed up our wedding date because he had a EAD of early May to come to our base then didn't actually leave until Sept. 30th.  I love the AF lifestyle but you do need to be flexible with everything and know that your FI's first responsibility is the AF.   

     I completely agree with all of this, especially the bolded.  I never ever heard of orders being cancelled because of getting married.  I suppose it's possible, but the chances of it are basically slim to none, and I'd err on the side of none.


    I grew up an AF child and am now an Army wife, "hurry up and wait" is alive and well in both branches, so just be as flexible as possible and keep a large supply of wine (for post prego) so that when you get really frustrated, you, Ben&Jerry, and some Merlot can watch a chick flick.  Sometimes it really helps to just let loose and relax and not worry about whatever the military wants/tells your hubby to do.

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  • imageAFwifelife:
    imageBacon+lettuce+tomato:


    Not true. They could cancel his orders. DoD is cutting back on families going OCONUS due to budget cuts and they're making command sponsorships harder to get. Now if he's already there and they get married they'll have to get her a command sponsorship. But it is entirely possible they cancel his orders because he got married.



     


    This is not what I have ever heard.  For AF they haven't stopped sending anyone over.  Maybe it's different for enlisted ::shrugs:: 



    I have a friend who is currently living in her hometown while her H does an unaccompanied tour overseas because they didn't want to send her. He is AF. It does happen.

    ETA I'm not trying to be rude or say that it will happen but you can never be certain with the military.

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    CJ 05/29/2013

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