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Pressure to have a baby.....

hoop13girlhoop13girl member
in Babies on the Brain

Hey everyone!

I am new, but I have been creeping on this site for a year now. My DH and I have been married since Sept and we are moving into our first house this coming Feb. Right after we got married it seemed like the pressure was on, every family event would include questions about "Are you two having a baby soon?" "When will you guys start trying?". 2 of his cousins just had babies and 2 more expecting this coming year, his family is large and very close. My husband was with me before on agreeing to wait on having children, but after this past Christmas Eve event, he saw all the babies together and now wants to try. Apart of me wants to try now, but a larger part wants to wait. I am in school and working full time, I would not get paid maternity leave and I know we are not financially ready.

Any advice?  

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Re: Pressure to have a baby.....

  • ricecakes1216ricecakes1216 member
    imagearagosta:
    Have a conversation about it.nbsp; Tell him you aren't ready and explain what things you want to have in place before you will feel ready.


    I agree. Having a baby isn't a one sided event. You have to be ready and so does your partner.
     TTC#1 Since April 2011 
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  • erincmckeeerincmckee member
    Only you and your H can decide when its right for you. Sit down, discuss your concerns, and make a list of goals you want to achieve first, such as finishing school, or getting closer to graduation.  You may want to consider waiting a few months before jumping in because it could just be that being around all the cute babies made him feel sentimental but distancing himself from that a little may give him and you time to figure out how you really feel about it. Good luck!
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  • Imani J. Imani J.

    Hello, I agree with everyone else.  The decision is solely upto you and your husband.  Only you guys will know when the time is right to start a family.  I am in the same bought as you.  My husband's sister is 40, never been married and the idea of her having children is long gone.  My husband's family is large and they are all very close however, his family is comprised of mostly older people.  Everyone including his parents are looking to us to start a family right away.  We agreed to wait a little while but, the pressure is really starting to get annoying.

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  • SarahBBowersSarahBBowers member

    If you know you are not financially (and otherwise) ready then wait.  Sit down with DH and make a list of your financial goals before baby comes.

    I do not get paid maternity either so we saved up quite a bit to prepare for me to take some time off.

    Its expensive to have a baby!  Good luck!

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  • hoop13girlhoop13girl member
    Thanks everyone! We are going to have to sit down. Also, I agree, I think I need to give my husband a couple of months to wait for the baby fever to go away, and then we can talk more. Thanks :) 
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  • waiting2bemommywaiting2bemommy

    I have wanted to have a baby for a long time and also get a lot of "when are you guys going to have a baby?" questions. It's really hard for me because I feel like people don't understand that it isn't as simple as "hey i like babies, i think I'll have one now!" A couple of months ago I was going through some stuff and was really hurting and some people went so far as to tell me "to just get pregnant already" when I was obviously not in any kind of financially OK spot to even think about trying.

    I know it is not the same situation as you, but I think the same answer applies, only you and your partner know when you are ready to try and a lot of people will open their mouths when they don't know what is going on. The only thing you can do is sit down with your husband and talk things out and make sure you and him both have an understanding of where you are as a couple. 

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  • Eastie156Eastie156 member
    We got married in May of 2011 and at our rehearsal dinner, DH's dad worked babies into his speech. People can be ridiculous. Wait until you are both ready.


                                                        [MC 11.20.11] [DS born 9.24.12] [DD born 10.15.14]

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  • little_brenlittle_bren member
    NEVER have a baby out of pressure from anyone! It's your body and it's your life! Stay strong, sister! :)

    Me: 29 / Hubster: 31
    Married July 2010
    DC #1 Oct 2013
    DC #2 EDD June 2016

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