BTDT Moms: When did you bond?

JennyLynne · December 2012

So I'm wondering when you BTDT moms started bonding with your LO. Was it right away in the pregnancy? Sometime during the pregnancy? Or not until after he/she was born?
My emotions have been very much all over the place so far (I'm only 10 weeks for those mobile bumping), and I think I'm actually dealing with depression again, not just pregnancy hormones. I can't seem to get that excitement about the pregnancy yet (even though I really do want to be a mom--DH & I were trying for this)--I'm either just status quo or I'm super low and freaked out about this process (which results in me sobbing). I feel like if i ever get to the point where I feel that bond with the baby maybe some of these feelings will start to dissipate and I can start to relax?

pepomntpat · December 2012

I don't think there was a particular moment. It was a growing relationship...and still is. I know I felt pretty excited with the first u/s.

There are things she does now that just still give me that woundrous warm fuzzy feeling of brand new love. (yes, I know very sappy). Like the other night she wanted me to snuggle with her before bed and she was patting my head and saying she loved me and kissing my forehead.

I'm still not anywhere near bonded with this baby even after two u/s. I am just too busy to really think about it. Plus, it wasn't planned so I'm dealing with that. I know I will get there and it will be fine. Thinking about names has really helped me, though.

MOMofGnGn+1 · December 2012

With DS1 it was pretty much right away. With DS2 it wasn't I think until months after he was born. DS1 was only 19 months when DS2 was born and still needed tons of attention so I didn't snuggle DS2 as much. But he's 5 now and we are very close, so don't worry too much!

PrimRoseMama · December 2012

All of my pregnancies have been love as soon as the pee stick dried. I know it sounds extreme but even after loss I still feel excited.

oh_maria · December 2012

Prenatal yoga in my third tri helped me focus on DS for bonding. It wasn't until we took DS home from the NICU that I really felt close to him. I do still struggle because of how traumatic his birth was but it gets better every day. With this LO, I am holding my breath until many weeks from now.

JennyLynne · December 2012

pepomntpat:
I know I felt pretty excited with the first u/s.

Maybe that's another part of why I just feel such a disconnect between myself and the baby--I won't have my first u/s until late feb/early march. We were going to have the elective done, but don't know that we have the time with our work schedules to get to Madison where they have the place that does it.

Just want to give sincere thanks to everyone again for all the advice that's been given to me over the last few weeks. I'm the first of my friends to be Pg, and you guys have been a wealth of information. And really great with calming my nerves. THANK YOU!

JennyLynne · December 2012

oh_maria:
Prenatal yoga in my third tri helped me focus on DS for bonding. It wasn't until we took DS home from the NICU that I really felt close to him. I do still struggle because of how traumatic his birth was but it gets better every day. With this LO, I am holding my breath until many weeks from now.

Prenatala yoga seems like an excellent idea--did you do a video or go to a class? If it was a video, do you have recommendations?

luvmyducks · December 2012

With DD it was right away once I knew I was pg.

With this one, just recently started a little bit.

Carrie3102 · December 2012

I guess it wasn't until she was a monthish old. I had a very hard time at first I was trying to bf which wasn't going well and my mom was going through chemo, and couldn't be around the baby for 48 hrs after a treatment and h had to go vack to work tge day after we got home. I felt alone and lost...

Once I stopped bf and realized that a
happy mom = happy baby and that as long as she was eating and growing she was fine everything seemed to get better.

After my mc in September, I ended up finding out I was dealing with pp anxiety and was put ob zoloft that made all the difference in the world, I finally felt like myself again.

missyjg · December 2012

When I held her for the first time. I didn't bond with the pregnancy out of fear. But as soon as I saw that little being looking up at me I was gone.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

I'm a little over 10 weeks I think it's a little early. I was so excited to see my LO on the u/s, but it didn't necessarily create a bond. I remember feeling the bond with DD when I found out the sex, felt the kicking, set up the nursery, bought clothes, etc... All the things that make it more real! With the morning sickness and no baby bump or anything sometimes you just feel too miserable. It will come, don't worry!!!

gemini2005 · December 2012

I think with DS I "knew" I was bonded to him very early in the pregnancy. I had some spotting and a few other scares and realized how in love I was. After he was born I had trouble with leaving him even for a minute. I developed post-partum anxiety because I was so uptight and worried all the time so maybe I was too attached. I still go to therapy about once a month and she gives me a reality check and helps me work out the root of these worries. I really hope I can be more laid back this time. I'm bonded but I have my son to concentrate on so it's not as powerful as before.

Have you considered talking to a counselor? It improved my life so much and I think it will help you sort out your worries a little bit. Best of luck to you!

kathleen02 · December 2012

You always have a natural bond I think. For me I began feeling protective early on in my pregnancy. I also know those scary feelings of the unknown. Once the baby starts kicking I really began falling in love...to me it's the best feeling in the world. When DS was born I was in awe to meet the little boy who was moving inside me for so long. I won't lie right away was HARD the first few weeks are so difficult but you get used to it. It's sometimes gradual. You begin loving the person he or she is. There are different types of love and affection and this whole process builds on itself. You'll get there, don't you worry.

meltoine · December 2012

It took me a while. I had terrible PPD and I really didn't do anything but go through the motions until he was almost 1. The only emotions I remember from that time are anger and sadness.

je2161 · December 2012

Honestly, it's hard to pinpoint a specific time when we really bonded. It was a gradual evolution that took time. I guess it first started when I first saw an u/s that resembled a human form, and it picked up more when I started feeling first kicks. I was in love when DD was born, but the love got stronger and deeper as she became more interactive. I think all of that is natural and common.

Liz4444 · December 2012

Honestly, not until Li was about 6 months old.
I still don't feel it with this pregnancy. I think a lot of it is a fear of miscarriage.

Xles10 · December 2012

For me, finding out the gender helped. It allowed me to think of the baby growing in my stomach as "my little boy" and not "he or she" or "it." After that, I think we had a bond pretty early, but it definitely grew slowly. I was afraid of PPD. I didn't have it, but I don't think every women necessarily has an instant connection.

ChristineH79 · December 2012

I didn't bond with my first until after the first week, my labor was hard and I had issues healing and I was miserable. WIth my second I bonded with him the second I saw him. Big Smile

luckylindy · December 2012

For me it was when I saw him during a 3D ultrasound and oddly enough he had the hiccups. It just hit me hard then. I really fell for him though when I saw him the first time. I will never ever forget the flood of emotions and love I felt when his blue eyes met mine. I get chills just thinking about it.

RumbleLina · December 2012

When I started feeling movement. Eventually you will get to know the movements of your child and when they are most active and they will respond to certain things you do. Plus then they will start kicking you in the cervix, the ribs, making you almost pee yourself....great bonding moments.

ETA: For me, there is a huge difference between pregnancy bond and outside baby bond though.

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