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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Erinmmo
member
sharing and tantrums- your stories and/or advice
Erinmmo
member
Hi- my daughter will be 27 months next week. She is an only child and goes to school 2 days a week. At this point I havent heard anything at school about not sharing toys or that she has any issues with the other kids.
The other night we were at IKEA just to walk around and really for our daughter to play- its cold out! She wanted to be held until we got to the kid beds then she wanted to roam free. We went a little later to this play area- had some tables a slide, toys- looks like it was a make shift play area- with a few kids playing there- looked like they were all around her age. All was okay until a little boy- (who just so happens to goes to school with her- ha of course his parents had to witness this)- had a plastic fork and spoon in his hands. And all my daughter wanted was that fork! Now his mom asked him if he would give it to my daughter since she was jumping up and down, whining as if she could not contain herself- and he didnt want to give it to her. I tired to re-direct her but she just followed him around and would not let it go. My husband sat her on his lap and then that was it- arms in the air, crying, head shaking back and forth- so we just got up and left. I apologized to the mother- and we walked downstairs. As soon as we got down my daughter settled.
Now it was a little pass dinner but I gave her snacks just a little bit prior and it was crowded and we had not been here since the summer. So I am wondering if she was also over stimmulated too? But I am also bummed out by her being so impulsive so quickly? Anything you think I can do to help with that?
I try to show her how to share at home and I am trying to make her wait longer for things when she asks for them but when its just us and she wants something I just give it to her.
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Re: sharing and tantrums- your stories and/or advice
Welcome to toddlerhood. This is totally normal developmental. It might not be fun when you are in public, but there is not much you can do but wait for her to mature and be able to wait/negotiate when she wants something. Toddlers don't have the ability to "delay gratification" which means they want what they want NOW. Making her wait for things at home is not going to help her mature faster. She will be better at it in a few months as she gets closer to 3. In the meantime, you can try to redirect her, you can ignore her, it you can carry her out of the place kicking and screaming (I have had to do this with my older son several times when he was a toddler). It's a tough age but it is short lived. Hang in there
DD1 regularly wants to grab toys off DD2. Any toy that DD1 was previously dis-interested in is the BEST TOY EVER as soon as DD2 has it.
I think it's fairly normal. I just return the toy to whoever had it first, and if I have to restrain and remove DD.
I always remind myself of this:
Toddler Rules of Possession.
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Totally normal & I think what you did was right- redirect, remove from situation and then remove from the area completely. We've had to leave libraries, museums, bookstores, etc in these situations, with me carrying a screaming kicking child...it sucks but they get the message after a few times so hopefully you won't have to do it too many times. Threaten to leave the area/store/wherever and give a warning & then follow through (but only if you really can follow through- the tough ones are where you need to be somewhere for some reason & can't actually leave, then you have to get more creative
).
GL!
At DC, they have encouraged kids to say things are "mine" when they have them, so they kind of get "not yours" when someone else has it. They also take turns, so each person gets a short time with something and then it's the next person's turn. DS doesn't like when it's not his turn or his, but he will respect it and not have a meltdown if we use that terminology.
LOL- without the word "months" can I assume this means 34 years? Because in that case, I can justify not sharing for a few more years
OP- I think you reacted just perfectly. LO is a toddler- she isn't going to behave like a mature adult because she isn't a mature adult. Don't let her behavior embarrass you are change how you parent. Your instincts were just right- it's one of those things they have to grow into.