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Toddlers: 24 Months+
WWYD about a 2nd child?
Hi everyone! So I need some advice. I have a 2 y/o and my husband brought up the idea of trying to have a second child. We moved in with my parents several months ago to pay off our debt and bc our condo just wasn't large enough for us with a toddler. My parents have no problem having us here and they have enough room for us to be comfortable however I just feel weird. Many of my friends and some family have said that having another baby while living with my parents is not a bad idea since that would provide me with some help with a toddler and new baby, my husband is working FT going to school FT and starting a new business, so he is very busy and not available to help me much if at all.
What would you do? My husband kinda stated now or never and we do want 2 kids. Help!!!
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Re: WWYD about a 2nd child?
I would like to clarify some things for everyone. We could afford our first child. My dh was in the army he was injured in Iraq and disabled. He was laid off from his well paying job due to his disability and his need for constant medical treatment. Bc he couldn't find a new job for 8 months we spend his 401k and this is why we are living temporarily with my parents. You all are so awesome to judge when you don't know the back story.
I'm not at all judging the reasons you need to stay with them right now. Things happen and I get that. But until you're able to right your financial ship, you can't add to your financial burden out of desire, kwim? You've got to make taking care of the family you DO have your #1 priority and that means getting on your feet and into a place of your own.
Freshie Girl 9.29.12
I think it depends on your financial situation now and how your parents feel. Would you be able to support your family on your own without your parents or are you dependant on them? If you can support yourselves and are just building up a cushion, AND your parents are ok with having another baby in the house and helping out, then maybe it's an ok situation. If you're not able to support yourselves without your parents, I would make financial independance your first goal before adding to your family.
I personally would prefer to be in my own household, but if you and DH are happy living with your parents, and your parents are happy having you, I think it's great that they can help you out and be closer to grandkids.
As a seperate issue, I would talk with you husband about why he feels it's "now or never"- that's adding a lot of stress to the decision-making process. If finances are an issue, it could help to space kids out- minimize the number of years that you have 2 in daycare at the same time, minimize time they will be in college at the same time, etc. so you can spread costs out. Also, if DH is away a lot, an older child will be more independant than a younger child and will make it easier for you to care for 2 on your own.
I would wait. You should not assume that your parents are wanting to help out a lot and honestly, if our DH is working and going to school FT and starting a new business it is all going to be you. Why in the world does he want another child now? He would never see him/her.
I would wait until you are financially stable on our own. Regardless of the reasons why you are not right now if you are struggling right now why would you want to add another kiddo to that. You may be stuck at your parents' house forever and they may not necessarily be OK with that. I would focus on the LO you have now and give him/her everything they need.
i would also want to know why your DH says now or never. MH was almost 48 when we had our DD and has 2 much older kids (college age). I guess it isn't for everyone but unless there is some medical reason I don't see the rush.
Newp. Wait until you can afford to be out on your own.
I don't care if you are living with them because you lost your job, or if your husband drank away your savings account or you just like your mom's cooking. If you can't afford to be adults and live in your own home and pay your own bills, you can't afford another baby.
Also, if your husband is working FT and going to school FT, when is he going to find the time to be a father? I understand its hard, and we put off a lot of things until we can afford them, I get it. But this is where you need to prove you are an adult who makes adult choices.
I'd have a talk with your Mom. If she's cool with it then I don't see the problem. If she wants to be able to help that much with her grandbabies then the help would be fantastic for you and the kids while your DH is so busy.
ETA: I wouldn't equate your living arrangement to welfare as pps have so long as you are there with your folks blessings and are pitching in appropriately. That's why I suggest a talk with your mom about it all. Maybe she'd be thrilled for the opportunity although you should be willing and able to hear her if she isn't and says that that wouldn't be ok or fair.
I'm very sorry to hear about your DH's injury.
My answer still stands though. It is not fair to your unborn child to bring them into the world in a situation where their parents are financially unstable and need to live with their parents to make ends meet. Unless there's some situation that we don't know about (like you're 40+ and your doctor said it's now or never) wait until you are on your feet independently and you rebuild the savings you once had. Having another child now is just going to delay that.
I also ditto the poster who mentioned that it's going to be tough for your DH to parent if he's working ft/doing school ft. Once he gets established in his field he will be able to appreciate having a child more. I could imagine it's tough enough to parent one child in that situation--let alone a toddler and newborn.