a ? from a pgaler for late loss mama's (sensitive)

blessedhope · December 2012

Hi everyone!

The closer I get to delivery the more nervous I get about delivering in the same place where I last held my son. I have not been back to the hospital since that day although I have driven by it.

I was wondering if you toured the hospital after your loss and before the delivery of your rainbow? I am nervous about facing all of those emotions on delivery day.

I don't want to pay the high cost of childbirth classes just to see the hospital since I will be delivering c-section and the class is geared towards natural childbirth. Do hospitals let you just go in and "look around?"

If you feel like sharing, was being in the hospital again as hard as you thought it would be or did all the other emotions of delivering your rainbow take precedence?

Thanks so much for any responses.

Petunia844 · December 2012

I delivered in the same place, I had been there once before although it was shortly after I delivered my angel. I was apprehensive about it, but other than fighting back a few tears when we first got there it was really ok. It was just such a different experience from the first that once I got over that first entrance it was really ok. I will be emotional no matter what, I don't regret delivering in the same hospital, it was almost healing.

Carolee · December 2012

I also delivered at the same hospital, one door down from the room Eliott was born in. It was hard walking in, but I agree with Petunia - in some ways, it was almost healing, as we left this time after having a different experience and with our rainbow in our arms.

blessedhope · December 2012

Thanks for both of your replys. I hadn't thought about it being healing before. That's a good word to keep in mind and a different perspective.

Junebug060609 · December 2012

My loss before my rainbow was an early loss, but I delivered in the same hospital the loss was confirmed in. Had to ultrasounds there as well, which was actually harder for me since that's how the loss was confirmed. I agree with the other ladies that after giving birth there I now look at that hospital in a different light, looking at it as the first place I got to see my son and where he drew his first breath. Healing, for sure.

drvst8 · December 2012

I also delivered my DD at the same hospital that we lost DS at. But I also work at the same hospital. So I had a lot of time to get used to the place. Although I didn't visit L&D until I delivered DD. When we arrived at L&D they stuck me in the same triage bed and almost had a panic attack. But my MW showed up and reassured me that this time was going to be different. It was hard...I'm not going to lie. But in a way like the others said it was kind of healing. I cried before delivering DD because I missed DS so much but I knew he was there watching over us.

On a side note. Most hospital allow visits to L&D. They want you to be comfortable delivering in their facility. I would call and ask.

CheesyPeas · December 2012

I had a first trimester loss and actually delivered at a different hospital than where I had my D&C but wanted to add that both hospitals in my town offer L&D tours. I would definitely call and set one up if you think a walk through would help ease some of the anxiety on delivery day.

monica92603 · December 2012

Well, all of my MFM appts and u/s were in the hospital but on the other side from maternity. I never had a problem going to those appts.

I actually had to go to L&D for my last NST w/ DD b/c my OB was there delivering a baby that day. I had to go through admitting and honestly, it kind of freaked me out. Some of the nurses remembered me and were super nice and were all "we'll see you next week! (when I was scheduled for my rcs). When my OB came in to say everything was good and I could go home I was all "Get me the F out of here!!" As it turns out, I went into labor and had bleeding the next day and went to the closest hospital to deliver which was not the hospital of my loss.

DS was born just a few months ago at the hospital I had my loss. I did a lot of walking around b/c he was in the nicu for a day and 1/2 and I was back and forth from my room. That was a different experience b/c I never left my room when we had our loss. I was actually completely ok for my 4 day stay there in the post partum side. L&D side was a little odd but I was just excited about my baby being born, the bad memories definitely did not have that much of an affect. I think H was a little weirded out but he never said so.

Have you asked your OB if maybe he/she could give you a little tour if allowed. Like PP said, it might ease some anxiety.

weddedwife · December 2012

I think I wrote this same post a few months ago!

I had my rainbow in the same hospital where my son died. All the medical offices are there in the hospital so I have been going there since April for all my Dr appts. The first dozen or so times I went, it was hard. I would start to panic pulling into the parking lot. I would tear up in the elevator. It eventually got easier. For better or worse, I had numerous labor and delivery visits this pg. In hindsight, it was good. The first 2 times I was sobbing as they checked me in; I couldn't even speak. I highly, highly recommend visiting before you deliver if you can. It might take some of the edge off. Then when you arrive you won't have that thought of "the last time I was here..." etc.

I agree with the others, it was healing to have my rainbow there and it was such a different experience. I was so worried about the emotions but mostly it was just joyful. The anticipation was much harder than the actual experience.

Huge hugs, I know it's scary to think about.

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