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Blended Families
S/O parenting time and parent not being there
I'm a lurker but after reading the post by the SM and the BF being away during parenting time I have a few questions. Sorry it ended up so long.
I am the BM and my son's father has every Wednesday for three and a half hours and every other Saturday overnight.
When my son's father says he can't do one of his visits because he has something else to do his step mom doesn't get him. I'm expected to change my schedule and then let him make it up, which he doesnt always do. I plan my schedule around my son's because I don't get a lot of time to myself. BF's lawyer even got "with 24 hours notice the visit can be changed" in the custody agreement even though my lawyer and I said no. The master thought it was fine though. We don't have any type of right of first refusal in the CA.
So for the SMs, is there any type of statement is your CA about changing visits? Does it say anything about if BF cant make a visit he is responsible for making other arrangements? Can I tell BF no he needs to figure it out on his own? Was there a discussion about keeping your SK while your DH was away or it's just something that was understood? This area and a few others in my CA make me want to go back to court to get it changed and have it spelled out its on him.
I love my son to death but I just get so little time to myself that I think the schedule should be followed no matter if its BF or SM or a grandparent with him. I really thought the primary parent always just kept the child if the BF canceled or changed a day.
I am the BM and my son's father has every Wednesday for three and a half hours and every other Saturday overnight.
When my son's father says he can't do one of his visits because he has something else to do his step mom doesn't get him. I'm expected to change my schedule and then let him make it up, which he doesnt always do. I plan my schedule around my son's because I don't get a lot of time to myself. BF's lawyer even got "with 24 hours notice the visit can be changed" in the custody agreement even though my lawyer and I said no. The master thought it was fine though. We don't have any type of right of first refusal in the CA.
So for the SMs, is there any type of statement is your CA about changing visits? Does it say anything about if BF cant make a visit he is responsible for making other arrangements? Can I tell BF no he needs to figure it out on his own? Was there a discussion about keeping your SK while your DH was away or it's just something that was understood? This area and a few others in my CA make me want to go back to court to get it changed and have it spelled out its on him.
I love my son to death but I just get so little time to myself that I think the schedule should be followed no matter if its BF or SM or a grandparent with him. I really thought the primary parent always just kept the child if the BF canceled or changed a day.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: S/O parenting time and parent not being there
Nothing is in our CO but its just assumed each parent wants as much time as possible
I am SM and if DH isn't going to be home (he's away for work or whatever) SD stays with me. When we went on our honeymoon DH left SD with his parents. BM wasn't happy about it, but because their CO doesn't include right of first refusal DH can leave SD with whomever he chooses to take care of her.
If I were you I would file to have that stupid clause removed from your CO or ammended to say "Missed visits shall not be required to be made up unless mutually agreed upon." I don't think you should have to rearrange everything, not once but twice, because he can't handle a few hours on a Wednesday or a Saturday overnight.
I don't think you can tell him no. Should you be able to? Yes. I would try get that part removed because it is crazy/unfair.
There is nothing in the CO between DH and BM it is just understood. In the very beginning BM tried to tell DH that SS had to go to daycare on his days because she didn't want him staying with me. DH quickly pointed out he couldn't make those rules. If it is DH's time SS comes here no matter what.
I didn't read all the responses, but as a SM, when it is DH's parenting time, if he can't be there for whatever reason we are still expected to take SD. when DH and I were on our honeymoon it coincided with our wednesday afternoon visitation, his mom picked up SD and spent the afternoon with her. we have never skipped a visit. sometimes DH has to go into work for 3 on sundays and SD stays with us until 4:30. he doesn't drop her off early, it is my responsibility to get her back to her moms for 4:30. sometimes it is frustrating, but we know his schedule well enough in advance that we can plan for these things.
but, like littlejen said, do you really trust him? if he isn't going to be there, how do you know he won't just leave the child alone? or have an unresponsible neighbor watch him. there is a lot of grey area I would proceed cautiously.