I want to share a book with you

Chocodoxies · December 2012

Shared from PGAL

(Sorry so long)

I know for me that my PGAL (pregnant after a loss) brain gripped me in utter fear and anxiety for the duration of my pregnancy with my DD, and again with this LO (who will hopefully be here safe and sound in the next two weeks). Unfortunately, birthing my DD did not remove all that fear and anxiety. Now that she was safely out of my uterus I found a million other reasons to worry about her. What if she died of SIDS?! What if she rolled into something and smothered?! What if she bumped her head crawling, or something fell on her?! The list just went on and on. Soon I was an organic, vegan mama and I was more of an anxious wreck than ever before. I have endometriosis, what if she gets it? What if she has a thyroid disease like I do? And so on.

My DD is now five, and I have had to learn to loosen my grip, but I found that my other mama friends were even tighter wound than I was! One has forbid her daughter from attending Science Camp in the sixth grade because she can't share the tent with her. Another won't allow her 13 year old daughter to use the swings at the park literally across the street from her front porch (in full view of her living room) because of stranger danger. This all had me wondering what our world was coming to. We played until the streetlights came on. We drank from the hose. We played tag with the other kids in the neighborhood, because we were all outside during daylight hours! What happened to childhood?

My mother bought me the best book, "Free-Range kids" by Lenore Skenazy, for Christmas this year and I devoured it. This woman has managed to alleviate my fears in one small book by using statistics and common sense that really put into perspective the fear vs. reality ratio of today's dangers as well as the reason that our generation of parents is so terrified when statistically our children are safer than they have ever been before. For example: the chance that our child will be the one kidnapped by a stranger and harmed is actually .00007%. Really! Or... if you WANTED your child kidnapped you would likely have to leave them unattended outside, looking cute as a button and ready for the taking, for about 750,000 years.

The author runs a fantastic website as well that I would suggest to every mama. Perhaps this time I won't carry that PGAL brain so willingly into the child rearing years as I did before.

adamsabigail14 · December 2012

Sounds interesting enough adding it to my shopping list, thanks!

lcmilla · December 2012

Thanks for sharing. I'll check it out

dande2129 · December 2012

That does sound interesting, thanks for sharing. I'll have to look into it.

On the same note though, I assume that the author doesn't mention kidnappings that are done by close family friends or even ex-spouses, which are much more prevalent than "stranger danger." THAT is scary.

Chocodoxies · December 2012

dande2129:
That does sound interesting, thanks for sharing. I'll have to look into it.
On the same note though, I assume that the author doesn't mention kidnappings that are done by close family friends or even ex-spouses, which are much more prevalent than "stranger danger." THAT is scary.

She does cover that. That is what impressed me about this book. She breaks down the statistics as well as the reasons for why our society has become so fear filled. She mentions that the "face on the milk carton" strategy was both a help and a hurt to our society for this very reason. While we all sat around the table in the 80's aware of those children missing, we were not informed whether the child was taken by family, friend, stranger or a runaway, thus leading to further fear that there were "all these children" taken.

dande2129 · December 2012

Chocodoxies:
dande2129:
That does sound interesting, thanks for sharing. I'll have to look into it.
On the same note though, I assume that the author doesn't mention kidnappings that are done by close family friends or even ex-spouses, which are much more prevalent than "stranger danger." THAT is scary.
She does cover that. That is what impressed me about this book. She breaks down the statistics as well as the reasons for why our society has become so fear filled. She mentions that the "face on the milk carton" strategy was both a help and a hurt to our society for this very reason. While we all sat around the table in the 80's aware of those children missing, we were not informed whether the child was taken by family, friend, stranger or a runaway, thus leading to further fear that there were "all these children" taken.

Oh, good. That does makes sense, and not that a missing child is any less "scary" depending on HOW they are missing, but the ex-spouse fear of kidnapping is highly close to home for me. I have less anxiety about a stranger taking him than his biological father taking him.

Chocodoxies · December 2012

dande2129:
Chocodoxies:
dande2129:
That does sound interesting, thanks for sharing. I'll have to look into it.
On the same note though, I assume that the author doesn't mention kidnappings that are done by close family friends or even ex-spouses, which are much more prevalent than "stranger danger." THAT is scary.
She does cover that. That is what impressed me about this book. She breaks down the statistics as well as the reasons for why our society has become so fear filled. She mentions that the "face on the milk carton" strategy was both a help and a hurt to our society for this very reason. While we all sat around the table in the 80's aware of those children missing, we were not informed whether the child was taken by family, friend, stranger or a runaway, thus leading to further fear that there were "all these children" taken.
Oh, good. That does makes sense, and not that a missing child is any less "scary" depending on HOW they are missing, but the ex-spouse fear of kidnapping is highly close to home for me. I have less anxiety about a stranger taking him than his biological father taking him.

I am so sorry to hear that. Though the book does cover the different statistics for kidnappings, the major focus is to reintroduce some perspective with regard to the reality of the fear and the possibility of the danger. Why are we so terrified of kidnapping from a stranger leading to some Law and Order style crime/murder that we don't let our children play in their own front yard? Why are we, social creatures that we are, so fearful of our own neighbors when our children are 80%-90% more likely to be harmed by a family member or friend? The point, however, is not to introduce new reason to be fearful, but to add perspective into a society that seems to have lost just that.

dande2129 · December 2012

Chocodoxies:
dande2129:
Chocodoxies:
dande2129:
That does sound interesting, thanks for sharing. I'll have to look into it.
On the same note though, I assume that the author doesn't mention kidnappings that are done by close family friends or even ex-spouses, which are much more prevalent than "stranger danger." THAT is scary.
She does cover that. That is what impressed me about this book. She breaks down the statistics as well as the reasons for why our society has become so fear filled. She mentions that the "face on the milk carton" strategy was both a help and a hurt to our society for this very reason. While we all sat around the table in the 80's aware of those children missing, we were not informed whether the child was taken by family, friend, stranger or a runaway, thus leading to further fear that there were "all these children" taken.
Oh, good. That does makes sense, and not that a missing child is any less "scary" depending on HOW they are missing, but the ex-spouse fear of kidnapping is highly close to home for me. I have less anxiety about a stranger taking him than his biological father taking him.
Why are we, social creatures that we are, so fearful of our own neighbors when our children are 80%-90% more likely to be harmed by a family member or friend?

Amen!

sekura · December 2012

Chocodoxies:
Shared from PGAL
(Sorry so long)
I know for me that my PGAL (pregnant after a loss) brain gripped me in utter fear and anxiety for the duration of my pregnancy with my DD, and again with this LO (who will hopefully be here safe and sound in the next two weeks). Unfortunately, birthing my DD did not remove all that fear and anxiety. Now that she was safely out of my uterus I found a million other reasons to worry about her. What if she died of SIDS?! What if she rolled into something and smothered?! What if she bumped her head crawling, or something fell on her?! The list just went on and on. Soon I was an organic, vegan mama and I was more of an anxious wreck than ever before. I have endometriosis, what if she gets it? What if she has a thyroid disease like I do? And so on.

My DD is now five, and I have had to learn to loosen my grip, but I found that my other mama friends were even tighter wound than I was! One has forbid her daughter from attending Science Camp in the sixth grade because she can't share the tent with her. Another won't allow her 13 year old daughter to use the swings at the park literally across the street from her front porch (in full view of her living room) because of stranger danger. This all had me wondering what our world was coming to. We played until the streetlights came on. We drank from the hose. We played tag with the other kids in the neighborhood, because we were all outside during daylight hours! What happened to childhood?

My mother bought me the best book, "Free-Range kids" by Lenore Skenazy, for Christmas this year and I devoured it. This woman has managed to alleviate my fears in one small book by using statistics and common sense that really put into perspective the fear vs. reality ratio of today's dangers as well as the reason that our generation of parents is so terrified when statistically our children are safer than they have ever been before. For example: the chance that our child will be the one kidnapped by a stranger and harmed is actually .00007%. Really! Or... if you WANTED your child kidnapped you would likely have to leave them unattended outside, looking cute as a button and ready for the taking, for about 750,000 years.

The author runs a fantastic website as well that I would suggest to every mama. Perhaps this time I won't carry that PGAL brain so willingly into the child rearing years as I did before.

Yes Awesome post! I'm a Risk Analyst by profession, so understanding the probability of bad things happening is what I do. I can't stand helicopter parenting for just this reason--most things that people worry about are just incredibly unlikely to happen. Swimming pools and cars are far more dangerous than guns, for example--so why aren't parents trying to outlaw them?

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