Anybody go back to using birth control after deciding to adopt?

arbutusbride · December 2012

I have recently switched from the IF boards to adoption since that is our new path.

I have brought up the subject with DH about going back on BCP since we have moved on. He wants to keep "trying" despite our failed attempts at conceiving both naturally and IF treatments. We are unexplained IF and I have had 4 c/p's. He thinks we should continue to try to get pregnant while going through the adoption process while I am not so sure.

My feelings are a bit different. I have come to terms with not being able to get pregnant and feel good about where we are in our journey. Also, I am really scared to get pregnant because I fear it will end up being another c/p. Does/did anybody else feel this way too? What did you decide to do? Why?

To BCP or not?

ycristina84 · December 2012

I did! First, I wanted to for health reasons, because my endometriosis gets worse without it. (Which is why I am infertile).

Second, I feel like you cannot fully move on to adoption after infertility unless you have dealt with the pain and loss of infertility, and shut that door. We are simply done. That means, I am done grieving and I am done feeling the heartache of seeing negative pregnancy tests. That is just simply not how I am going to build our family, and it is liberating to know that! If I kept the door open on conceiving on our own, I will never heal from that. Will I change my mind in 5 years and do IVF again? Maybe. But I am not planning on it. I have fully shut the door to any more ttc, as I don't feel it's healthy for me and it really robs the adoption process of what it could be. Adoption, for me, is not plan b. It's not the backup plan if ttc fails, you know? I want to go all in, with guns a blazin', and I didn't feel I could do that by holding on to something that isn't going to happen for us.

Thirdly, a lot of agencies will not move forward with you if they know you are ttc, or if you get pregnant. For us, if I magically got pregnant, we would still pursue adoption, so it seems really stupid for me. I want to be a mom soon. I want to be a family. If a bio child happens in 10 yrs, that would be a blessing, but I am not going to put my life on hold for something that I cannot physically do. And I CAN be a mom now, through adoption.

That said, everyone is different. Your situation may not be mine, and your husband may not be ready to shut the door on ttc. You have to make that choice together, to a certain extent. Do you want to keep going through that? If you don't, maybe he doesn't realize how much you want to stop. I know my husband only got 100% on board with adoption when he saw how much pain I was in, and how I really really really wanted to stop ttc.

sarahtoledo · December 2012

I won't. I am so darn infertile... and if a miracle baby came, I'd be thrilled.

DaisyZH · December 2012

We are kind of having this discussion as well. I have been on BCP for the past 6 months while we actively pursued/planned on adopting. We still want and plan to adopt but for financial reasons we have to wait a while before proceeding - as in 6 months to a year : (. Then you figure the program we are interested in takes 1-2 years. Also DH's company has added IF benefits and would now pay for RPL testing.

For me personally, if I was in process I would not TTC because our agency does not allow it. Since we have to wait we are considering it but I am with you - I hate losses, and I just don't have positive feelings towards TTC anymore. So I'm not much help since we're undecided too. I'm glad you posted this, nice to know someone else is going through this too.

raecheleblue1 · December 2012

I haven't gone back on BC. My DD is 7 weeks old and ideally we would like to wait a while to ttc or adopt again, but we aren't preventing. We got pg once, 2 years ago and even with fertility treatments were not able to get pg again. It would be a miracle at this point, but if it happened we of course would be happy. Our agency didn't have any rules against adopting and ttc, so that wasn't anything we needed to factor in.

Rachel Sonnier · December 2012

ycristina84:
I did! First, I wanted to for health reasons, because my endometriosis gets worse without it. Which is why I am infertile.

This.
But I also needed some real time to move on and a few months without all the pressure I put on myself. I took bcps from march through september and recently stopped BC of side effects. I was worried about that first month's AF affecting me the way it used to, but I didn't. That's how I knew I had accepted it and moved on. I guess old habits die hard, and I just had to take a break in order to break that cycle, if that makes any sense.

Mrs.Slick · December 2012

I'm not going back on bcp but that's because it makes me a crazy lady.

Dr.Loretta · December 2012

I didn't. I had 3 c/p's, but by the time we started the adoption process I hadn't been pregnant in over a year. Now it's been over 4 years and nothing. So at least in my case, BC would be a waste.

But it's a personal choice. If you don't want to go through that again, I think it's a perfectly valid reason to go on BC and avoid the heartache.

JennaNAaron · December 2012

sarahtoledo:
I won't. I am so darn infertile... and if a miracle baby came, I'd be thrilled.

This

sgb721 · December 2012

Yes I did- but only because I get pregnant very easily (never tried more then a month) but we cannot conceive healthy babies. It's a health risk for me and any baby. Also, our adoption agency asks that you determine you are truly done TTC before you turn in your application as its hard when people suddenly back out. It's sort of 'unfair' to others waiting who may have been matched the first go around but are matched with a family after the EM has chosen someone who ended up expecting and fell through.

bhead81 · December 2012

I thought about it but BCP for me were worse than not being in them. While I am very irregular without them and get the "what ifs" occasionally I am so infertile that I did not see the point. If we ended up pg at the same time as having a newborn we would have embraced it...been scared but embraced it.

IRR · December 2012

This made me laugh. Sorry, but I don't believe I will ever get pregnant again I had two failed IVF's based on not enough eggs even being produced on a ton of drugs. No need to take BCP.

jillianmb · December 2012

We did (not BCP but BC) while we were completing out adoption b/c if we miraculously got pg we would have had to stop our adoption and that was not an option for us.

Now that our adoption is complete we aren't using BC anymore, but we're not doing IF treatments either. I would love a surprise baby but I am not ready to really "try" either and go through the roller coaster every month.

ellekae · December 2012

We never stopped using BC, since I am not interested in getting pregnant again any time soon. I know that annoys MIL, since she wants me to have a "real" baby (apparently Chinese kids aren't real).

Julie721 · December 2012

I won't. With my PCOS, I only get a period about 3-4 times a year, and I don't want to get it more than that, haha! The only upside is that the BCP would take away some of the leftover symptoms of PCOS (i.e. acne and unpredictable periods), but the symptoms are not painful, so I just deal with them. I don't think choosing not to be on BCP says anything about not closing the door on infertility (believe me, that ship has sailed), but instead it is about learning to live with the way my body works without trying to "fix" it.

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Anybody go back to using birth control after deciding to adopt?

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