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Am I being irrational?

chardonnay24chardonnay24 member
in Parenting

My H's childless stepbrother has 6 "real" nieces and nephews and 1 step (our kid). He and his wife shower attention and gifts on the 6 and essentially ignore our kiddo. When the latest nephew was born, BIL posted on FB that "he now has a total of 6 nieces and nephews".

H is very close to his stepfamily. His stepdad married his mom when he was very young, and he doesn't have any relationship with his real dad. He refers to his stepdad as "dad" and his stepbrothers as "brothers". We treat his other stepbrother's children the same as our "real" nieces and nephews. They are cousins to our kid and they refer to us as "aunt and uncle".

This Christmas, they took all of the kids except A to Zoolights and to see Santa at Macy's. They were very excited to see them open gifts and posted pics all over FB. They brought tons of gifts for the cousins but nothing for our son.

It doesn't really bother me now since he's not old enough to notice, but I'm waiting for him to wonder why his aunt and uncle treat his cousins one way and him another way. I have no idea what to tell him. "Well, they are not related to you by blood so they have no regard for you, sorry."

Would you be bothered by this?

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Re: Am I being irrational?

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    I'd make other plans.  Some people are just s'hitheads, and you just can't fix that. 
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  • GrayGhost13GrayGhost13 member

    That's a shame. Every family is different but our family doesn't make a distinction between the sibs' and step-sibs' kids. We consider them all cousins.

    That said, there's not really anything you can do about it, other than adjust your expectations and limit your kid's exposure to them. Sorry. Sad

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  • HenHen25HenHen25 member
    That's really sad, and it would bother me. Has your DH ever considered confronting them? Otherwise, I dont think there isn't anything you can do. 
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  • LuckyMarleyLuckyMarley
    I would talk to him. I would be completely honest and say something like "I was really confused about your Facebook post, it made me feel like you don't consider our child as part of your family", and see where the conversation goes. His behavior is hurtful and if it doesn't stop I would keep my child from them as much as possible so that my child didn't feel left out / not as important. Mean people suck. I'm sorry. 
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  • RondackHikerRondackHiker member
    imagembenit4:
    Have you or DH has ever asked them the reason? What's up with that shlt?


    This. It will be hard. I think it should be your DH. Have him talk about how he sees his step family as real family, and feels hurt bc it seems as if his DC is left out, but that he doesn't want to make assumptions.

    Could it be bc of age? Or bc the other kids seek them out?

    I think they are just being sh!tty, but who knows.


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  • FrickandFrackFrickandFrack member
    imagesofamonkey:
    I'd make other plans.nbsp; Some people are just s'hitheads, and you just can't fix that.nbsp;

    Exactly this. Why even have your child go through wondering why they don't treat him the same?
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    How many other siblings does your DH have? What do they and his parents do? If they treat your child fairly- I'd try to focus on that, quite honestly.

    And have any of them ever said anything/ noticed? I would hope that THEY would start to question BIL on this. "Why isn't A included?".  To a degree, even if they don't actively exclude A the way he does, to not say anything themselves is to quietly agree w/ his actions.

    I mean, it's not their responsibility to fix this - but I just wonder about the larger family dynamics. 

    Your DH can talk to his brother, but really - what is that going to do?  Either it will be out in the open and he'll still do it and you may be even MORE annoyed.  Or he'll start including A but you'll know it's out of guilt/feeling forced to. 

    While I wouldn't actively exclude him or his child(ren), I'd also pull back.  Clearly he sees a line in the sand about what makes a person family, so I wouldn't be going out of my way to really be all that close w/ him.

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