I know we should be happy...but still...(vent)
NM86
member
So DH and BM have never really gone by their divorce papers and parenting schedule. DH wanted to update/change some things, but BM didn't want to go back to court. She says it's pointless if they both agree on the changes...but DH thinks it's because she got a substantial raise and since she technically would owe DH child support, she doesn't want it to be set in court papers.
(long story short on that part...DH was going to move out of state for his job and asked BM for her information to see how much he would be paying her if he did move. We ended up not moving...thank goodness!...anyway, DH plugged in the numbers with how things are now and she technically should be paying DH CS)
Back on topic...So...DH asked if they could put the changes in writing and get it notarized by him and BM, which she agreed to. One of the changes was the holiday schedule. It used to be EO year switching Xmas Eve and Xmas, but they changed it to just splitting each day in half. So one parent gets 8am-2pm and the other gets 2pm-8pm. Then SD stays overnight with the parent whose 'day' it is. Well BM put up a giant stick about the exact times and planning out who gets which part of the day on which years, etc. They finally settled on the above schedule.
Well then comes the actual holiday. BM dropped off SD 2 hours early on Xmas Eve and Xmas. So she made a huge deal about the specific amounts of time for each day and ened up giving us 4 extra hours.
So annoying...
We were happy to get to spend more time with her, but gosh BM. I swear she likes to make things difficult just because she can.
Re: I know we should be happy...but still...(vent)
Do they really like that arrangement better? For the last two years we have split Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and it's been a royal PITA. Mainly it was because my DH and BM just had a verbal agreement and she wouldn't agree to anything BUT that. We live 10 hours away from BM so, for the last two years, we spent the holidays in the city in which she resides. We stayed with friends and would pick and drop the kids up at an agreed-upon time. However, it always messed up our plans for the day(s). For instance, last year she had us pick up the kids at 5:30pm on Christmas Eve when we should have been having dinner with everyone at our friends' house. It would have been nice to pick up the kids earlier so that we could have enjoyed the meal etc. Instead, she was two hours late in meeting up with us so by time we got back to our friends' house, we ended up having a super late, cold dinner. Then, we had to deliver the kids back to BM right after opening gifts the next morning. For the last two years it felt like we were spending more time driving around the city to pick up and drop off the kids (and wait for BM to get her poop together) than actually spending the holidays together. We really didn't care for that arrangement.
However, I'm not so sure that our new arrangement is working out either. DH and BM are going through custody court proceedings now (that DH started last winter) so there is a written parenting agreement. This year the kids were to be with BM for Christmas (because the kids have been living with us for the last 5 months). We met with BM halfway last Saturday and dropped the kids off. We were supposed to pick them up on Christmas Day but didn't want anyone to have to spend their Christmas Day on the road traveling. So we agreed to pick them up today. DH and I started out on the road early this morning only to find out that BM wasn't going to be able to deliver her end of the bargain today (long story short...she wasn't able to secure reliable transportation for today). So we will be picking the kids up on Saturday instead. There are some positives to this situation. The kids have had a longer visit with their mom and half-siblings and DH and I have had more "us" time (something we do appreciate since full-time parenting, particularly for me, has been challenging). BUT...this Christmas hasn't really felt like Christmas without the kids. There is still a tree stocked with presents underneath it. We haven't met with my dad to celebrate Christmas with him because he was away the last couple of days and now we're waiting to have the kids with us before we meet up. I suppose it doesn't really matter WHEN we celebrate Christmas. It's just a day on the calendar and is what we make it. DH and BM have made a verbal agreement that we'll have the kids for all of Christmas next year. I'm excited about that because it will be our baby's first Christmas and it will be nice to have our whole family together for the WHOLE actual holiday.
So...I guess what I'm saying is that I can relate and empathize. It's nice to have that compromise and to have extra time with your SK but it's difficult to have to work out the details. I'm not sure what is better...splitting the actual days or alternating years. I guess I'll only know what we prefer after we try this new arrangement out as well (we used to alternate Christmases when the kids were younger but, after having the kids with us for the last two Christmases, even if only for half the time, it felt weird to not have them this year). *sigh*
BFP #1 09/02/11 M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13
SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
He and BM both got what they wrote up notarized.
Our custody situation is 50/50 everything and equal nights a week. They each have 2 nights a week and then alternate weekends including Fridays.
When DH and BM divorced he would have had to pay less that $65 a month in CS, so they wrote it in the papers that instead he will provide SD with medical insurance....which he does. He does not pay CS.