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February 2013 Moms
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STMS - How Did you Handle House Guests Right After Your LO was Born?

ajatmont13ajatmont13 member
in February 2013 Moms

I've been mulling this over in my head for weeks now.  I really, really don't want any overnight visitors at all for at least two weeks after we come home from the hospital.  After the two week rule, I want to limit length of stay to just a long weekend at the most.  The issue is that my MIL is already talking about about taking vacation and spending a ton of time with us.  As much as I appreciate that she wants to spend time with the new LO, I can't imagine her staying with me that long - she's a wonderful person but gets very intense and I think the combo of no sleep, learning to BF and just the stress of having other people in the house for long periods of time will be too much.  Also, the thought of all of us, DH, MIL and FIL just sitting around waiting for the baby to do something for a week sounds awful.  Am I over thinking this? 

Did you have parents/in laws stay for extended periods of time?  If you didn't, how did you gently let them know that while a short visit is welcome, a long stay is not?

Thanks!! 

 
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Re: STMS - How Did you Handle House Guests Right After Your LO was Born?

  • MyzticsunshineMyzticsunshine member
    imageByeByeBooze:
    We made a no overnight visitors rule. Family is more than welcome to come and visit, but they need to stay in a hotel. I don't want to feel the need to "entertain" while trying to figure out life with a newborn and I think the added expense of the hotel will keep the visits to a few days max.


    Ditto

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  • MyzticsunshineMyzticsunshine member
    imageByeByeBooze:
    We made a no overnight visitors rule. Family is more than welcome to come and visit, but they need to stay in a hotel. I don't want to feel the need to "entertain" while trying to figure out life with a newborn and I think the added expense of the hotel will keep the visits to a few days max.


    Ditto

    ~~** I Love My Boys <3**~~



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  • tulipblossomtulipblossom
    imageMyzticsunshine:
    imageByeByeBooze:
    We made a no overnight visitors rule. Family is more than welcome to come and visit, but they need to stay in a hotel. I don't want to feel the need to "entertain" while trying to figure out life with a newborn and I think the added expense of the hotel will keep the visits to a few days max.


    Ditto


    This. Hotels are there for a reason. My house is too small for anyone spending the bout especially for more than one night. My mom knows this and already has her reservations book.
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  • mhbraymermhbraymer member
    With my first we lived with my ILs but even then they let us have our time to try and figure stuff out on our own.

    This time around I guess my mom is coming down to help I just found this out yesterday but I'm pretty sure her and my dad will stay in a hotel and if not they can stay in the nursery since he will be with us.

    My ILs live 2 minutes from us and they always call before stopping by.

    I think you and your DH need to talk about this and then have him talk to his parents.
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  • ATLdesiATLdesi member

    imageByeByeBooze:
    We made a no overnight visitors rule. Family is more than welcome to come and visit, but they need to stay in a hotel. I don't want to feel the need to "entertain" while trying to figure out life with a newborn and I think the added expense of the hotel will keep the visits to a few days max.

     

    Triple ditto (tritto?!)  :)  OP, I share your exact concerns - I have no family in town so anyone visiting has to fly in, and obviously stay overnight during their visit.  I guess I just want to say that as a fellow FTM, I am working on not feeling any guilt or obligation towards anyone else at this critical time.  Like you said, its an exciting but overwhelming phase where we'll be figuring out how to care for a newborn, breastfeeding, etc. and anyone who cares about us and loves us should have the sense not to be offended or put off if we tell them that they need to stay in a hotel while visiting.  LIke the PP said, I'm hoping the expense and logistics of the hotel thing will keep visits to shorter periods.  I'm the type who has always been happy to host people, and its not my nature to put up boundaries like this - but for the first time, I'm committing to doing it, and mentally preparing to stay strong :)

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  • ajatmont13ajatmont13 member
    imageATLdesi:

    imageByeByeBooze:
    We made a no overnight visitors rule. Family is more than welcome to come and visit, but they need to stay in a hotel. I don't want to feel the need to "entertain" while trying to figure out life with a newborn and I think the added expense of the hotel will keep the visits to a few days max.

    Triple ditto (tritto?!)  :)  OP, I share your exact concerns - I have no family in town so anyone visiting has to fly in, and obviously stay overnight during their visit.  I guess I just want to say that as a fellow FTM, I am working on not feeling any guilt or obligation towards anyone else at this critical time.  Like you said, its an exciting but overwhelming phase where we'll be figuring out how to care for a newborn, breastfeeding, etc. and anyone who cares about us and loves us should have the sense not to be offended or put off if we tell them that they need to stay in a hotel while visiting.  LIke the PP said, I'm hoping the expense and logistics of the hotel thing will keep visits to shorter periods.  I'm the type who has always been happy to host people, and its not my nature to put up boundaries like this - but for the first time, I'm committing to doing it, and mentally preparing to stay strong :)

    I completely agree - I usually love hosting, so telling people no is very weird for me. I'm not one to keep an opinion to myself, I'm just worried about hurting feelings because I genuine love and care for my MIL. I just know some boundaries are necessary. Thanks for all the advice!!

     
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  • NG2HDNG2HD
    We don't have family far away that would want to stay overnight, so I am not in that boat.  But I did lay down the rule that no one was to come to the hospital.  I don't care how excited people were to see the baby - it wasn't going to happen.  I pretty much just laid down the law after the baby was born and told people when they could and could not come.  People may think you are being a jerk, but they will get over it. 
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  • amandagenamandagen member
    We're lucky enough to live close to all of our family, so we don't have to worry about overnight guests, but with my first I wanted visitors over for a very limited time. There were a few times when my in laws came and stayed for a few hours and I can remember wishing they would just leave so I could lay down. Plus I wasn't comfortable enough with them or BF yet to do it in front of them, so I would be forced to go into another room for that. On the other hand, I loved having my mom around because she was actually useful and we're very close, so I didn't have to worry about having showered, wearing clothes, or BF in front of her. I guess the gist is, I would definitely have a problem hosting overnight guests right after coming home with a new baby. You'll need to be able to worry about you and baby and no one else. 
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  • 101Mims101Mims member

    We live overseas, so any family who visit stay with us or in a hotel.

    I?m very houseproud, a weeny bit OCD with clutter and mess and always want to be, and most importantly - to be seen to be!- in control and on top of everything. If I?m not - I get stressed and angry.

    So, even though DH was very disspointed that his mother cldnt be there straight away, when  DS was born I insisted on no visitors at all untill the first month had passed.

    Yes - it was  seriously draconian, but I?m so glad I did it that way. It worked out perfectly. When we finally welcomed, visitors we were pretty much established in our little routine and I had recovered from an unexpected C-section.

    As PP?s have said, be firm and your relatives will get over it. This is the right time to make a stand for what is best for you and your own family now.

    Good luck!!

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  • angelajo19angelajo19 member
    Like the PP we also live overseas and anyone who comes and visits us really has to stay with us. My parents are coming 2 weeks after my due date and my ILs had wanted to fly in the exact same day my parents were leaving to save us a trip to the airport. We had to put our foot down and say no to that. There was no way we were going to be up for "entertaining" for over a month straight. Thankfully my ILs were understanding and are going to wait for a few weeks to give us some breathing room.
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