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February 2012 Moms
JessieJH
member
CPS or Cops?
JessieJH
member
So, my Christmas holiday was awesome- lots of rest and relaxation. The one downer though is that I learned that my SIL has been driving all over the place high on medical pot and lots of prescription drugs (liquid morphine as well as an array of other pills)- many times with her kids though most often just on her own.
She has long suffered from a chronic illness and I truly feel for her on that front. I hadn't realized that she was still driving though as we live in different states.
Her husband and my in-laws are not doing anything other than complaining about it. My DH and I feel though that we cannot sit back on this one since she is endangering the children as well as others on the road. I'm not sure if I should call the cops (for DUI) or CPS (because she is putting her kids at risk. What could they even do since I don't live there and don't know exactly when she heads out on to the road?
I love my BIL and in-laws dearly, but feel they are totally failing on this issue.
Any suggestions? I would never forgive myself if something happened to those LO's and I had not done something.
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Re: CPS or Cops?
Call CPS. She needs help. And she needs to be on guard about driving while she's intoxicated. If you call CPS they will go and investigate the home. That might be what she needs to get it together.
Your BIL is an idiot. I'm sorry take the GD keys away from that woman. And it sounds like she needs help, I'm sure her chronic pain is legitimate but that's not excuse to drive with her children.
Well, I can't even figure out how to delete this post now. I will just hope for the best. :-)
Thanks for your help ladies. I will make the call to CPS and hope for some good action. I'll keep an eye on the situation.
She does need help, but is not receptive to any unfortunately. I hope that this will at least get her to stop driving. At least I hope it will get BIL to step up in order to avoid future CPS involvement. Ugh.
Hey, about once a week, I represent kids in court hearings where CPS has intervened in their families' lives. I just want to caution you that once CPS gets involved, based on the allegations that you have said here, they will likely take the kids away and put them in a foster home. They won't be able to leave the kids with your BIL because you are alleging that your BIL knew that she was endangering the kiddos and did nothing to stop it. Thus, as a matter of law, he is just as negligent.
Have you tried everything else? Can the grandparents step in and take the kids for 2 weeks while BIL tries to get through to his wife? Can BIL forcibly take the kids to your house or to grandparents' house, so that he is not complicit in her negligent acts? To me, he is just as guilty in this. You don't just wring your hands and moan that you just "can't control your wife" as she risks the lives of your kids.
But just know that calling CPS will start a process that will then be completely out of the family's control. If CPS takes the kids away (which they are likely to do, based on your allegations), then the parents may not get them back for a year or longer....
This is true, but also- when I worked with CPS- we always made every attempt to place children with family members- as long as they have an appropriate home and decent criminal history (no drug/alcohol or violent offenses). They may give BIL a chance to keep the children if he makes SIL stays outside the home while she gets help, but they may not. However, in my state (all proceed a little differently), they have to have some reasonable "proof" that the allegations are true to be able to do anything- BIL or the kids have to verify it in a statement, or there has to be witnesses, or she has to fail a drug test. If she is on all those drugs legitimately (prescriptions), they will ask her doctor whether it impairs her ability to drive or take care of the children.
I'm kind of with Sooner on this one - have you tried everything else first? Intervene yourself? If CPS takes them - this could really escalate - and I wouldn't be surprised if things got ugly within the family.
I know that if I did this to my IL's - even for the best intentions - they would not be happy with me. I would try talking with her first - or keep trying to get the ILs to take this more seriously. If all else fails - then call.
TTC #2 since 10/2013
BFP #1 (4.14.14) ~ CP (4.18.14)
BFP #2 (6.27.14) ~ EDD 3.7.15
I absolutely agree that getting the kids immediately out of the situation is the right thing to do. I hope no one interpreted my post any differently. I was just saying that if she really is chronically in pain and using legal medications, that maybe something short of essentially criminal prosecution is in order--if BIL can intervene and do the right thing by removing the kids and taking them to grandparents or staying in a hotel for a while with the kids while SIL realizes that she needs to get help/stop driving/etc.
But, if no one in that family cares more about the kids than they do about SIL's "feelings," then CPS may be your only option--then call away. And they definitely will use yours and your husband's statements re: her impairment as their "case" against the SIL/BIL, so be prepared and resolved in dealing with any potential backlash from that from your in-laws.
CPS or the Cops...they work together so either way the other will probably be involved.
I would call CPS because it is easier to make an annoynomus report. CPS will involve the police in their investigation if needed. CPS doesnt investigate no matter what they review every report and either accept the case, refer it to another unity(APS, police, DHI) or they deny it for whatever reason. Either way they do some research and try to help. CPS is more likely to work with the family and give them a chance to improve while monitoring them. If it was my family that I would want them to fix the problem but not ruin their lives, I would choose this route.
The police however will not involve CPS unless first they catch her in the act, actually driving while under the influence and 2nd the children are actually with her.
Thanks again everyone. It's such a tough situation. I can try talking to her myself again. We have a pretty friendly relationship, but I wouldn't exactly say she is honest with me. She tends to paint a pretty rosy picture for me. I do think she is legitimately in need of her meds and is in pain. It's just that parenting/driving under that influence is a tough one.
My in-laws have not intervened at this point because they are afraid of what PP's said- that if they report it to officials the kids would be taken away. However, her youngest son could certainly stay with them and her elder two could stay with their father (it's a blended family and the eldest two are the result of her first marriage).
After looking at these responses I think I may still call CPS at some point. I'll try talking to her myself, but even if the kids were removed from their home it's got to be better than being in very real danger with their mother. This is such a mess.