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Attachment Parenting
Emerald27
member
How could I?
Emerald27
member
I feel like the worst mother ever. We had to go out to run an important errand this morning, and the roads are very icy so pulling over would have been quite difficult. DS started to fuss/cry about 10 minutes from home, and I decided to break my usual stopping after a few minutes of crying rule. I had already skidded on the icy road twice. Anyway, he sobbed and I sang to him and tried to calm him by saying his name and that we were nearly home. Then he stopped crying, and I thought he had just decided to play with a toy or something.
I pulled into the driveway and hopped into the back to get him, and there was my poor baby, asleep in a puddle if vomit and tears, red faced and still doing that pitiful quick breathing. I gasped quietly which woke him, and he reached for me, tears returning to his eyes. I unbuckled him and held him close, and he cried for a good minute before calming down.
We went inside and I took off his soiled clothes and lay with him in bed. He nursed for about 15 minutes and then fell asleep. While he was nursing, he was just staring blankly ahead. He didn't make eye contact or smile like he usually does. Now even though he is sleeping, he whimpers every couple minutes. I have no idea what to expect when he wakes.
I feel so terrible, I'm still crying. My poor baby! How could I do this to my little boy?! I am a mix of emotions...I'm angry at myself for not pulling over and I'm angry that I have such a difficult time going anywhere with DS. I am just so sorry too...I want to undo this and let him know that I am here for him, he can trust me and I love him more than anything, but I can't undo it. I really feel like I've failed him, and I don't know where to go from here.
Sorry. This is more of a vent than anything else. I know we all make mistakes, but how do we explain our failings to a one year old? How do you make it up to them? How do you convince them that they really are the center of your world when you weren't there and they needed you? Ugh!
I pulled into the driveway and hopped into the back to get him, and there was my poor baby, asleep in a puddle if vomit and tears, red faced and still doing that pitiful quick breathing. I gasped quietly which woke him, and he reached for me, tears returning to his eyes. I unbuckled him and held him close, and he cried for a good minute before calming down.
We went inside and I took off his soiled clothes and lay with him in bed. He nursed for about 15 minutes and then fell asleep. While he was nursing, he was just staring blankly ahead. He didn't make eye contact or smile like he usually does. Now even though he is sleeping, he whimpers every couple minutes. I have no idea what to expect when he wakes.
I feel so terrible, I'm still crying. My poor baby! How could I do this to my little boy?! I am a mix of emotions...I'm angry at myself for not pulling over and I'm angry that I have such a difficult time going anywhere with DS. I am just so sorry too...I want to undo this and let him know that I am here for him, he can trust me and I love him more than anything, but I can't undo it. I really feel like I've failed him, and I don't know where to go from here.
Sorry. This is more of a vent than anything else. I know we all make mistakes, but how do we explain our failings to a one year old? How do you make it up to them? How do you convince them that they really are the center of your world when you weren't there and they needed you? Ugh!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How could I?
Aww
Fist of all, give yourself a break. It was more dangerous to pull over than it was to let him cry for a bit. You made the right decision.
You can't really explain your feelings to a one year old. I am sure he will wake up and be back to his old self. Honestly, stop kicking yourself and lavish him with cuddles, snuggles and special time together all day. You didn't fail your baby, he'll be okay and you will too.
Thanks. I really needed to hear that everything will be ok. And good advice: when he wakes up, he'll have the best day. Snuggles, cuddles and kisses, and playing with mommy all day.
OMG, you definitely did what you needed to do in the situation! It's not like you were letting him cry because you wanted to watch your favorite show!
You kept him safe. That is the most important thing. And then you attended to his emotional needs when he was in a safe place. Way to go mommy!
I think you need to focus on the safety factor... had you pulled over and something bad had happened... you would surely be wishing you had just let him cry.
I know that horrible feeling of not being able to respond to them when you desperately want to (I hate the car!) but you made the right choice, and there is nothing to un-do here.
I'm sorry you are so upset
. It is hard to feel guilty.
A few things though...
1. Safety is the most important thing. Today, pulling over was dangerous because of the weather. Do not feel guilty for following your gut and making sure you got home safely. You did the right thing.
2. Have you considered that maybe your son cries because he gets car sick? Rear facing babies often have trouble and throw up. Yes, he might of thrown up from crying. But he might be crying in the car because he feels lousy and this time he threw up, felt better, and fell asleep.
3. It is going to be okay. Seriously. You didn't damage him or ruin your relationship. He was likely exhausted and not feeling great - so he was just really out of it. Don't read into that and make yourself feel worse.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
You made the right choice. Honestly.
He'll be fine. A few snuggles and a bath and he'll be as good as new.
I'm glad everything is okay now. :-) Enjoy this special day with your boy!
This for sure!
You definitely made the right choice, in bad road conditions it was safer to get home safely! He will be okay girl! I definitely understand how you feel, I've been there before.
Poor little dude
.
I'm sure he's fine, just not feeling well. Babies don't hold grudges.
ETA I'm so glad to hear that you're both doing so much better.