presents vent

megann831 · December 2012

so I feel a little bad complaining, I know there are many worse things in life, but the presents today were so overwhelming. DH's 2 siblings gave each LO 3-4 gifts each, a gift for each LO from each of DH's 2 aunts, and each of my aunts and uncles, 5 couples, gave each LO a gift. Last night we did gifts with my parents and sister. Right there, that's alot of gifts, but MIL goes completing overboard and I couldn't believe how she totally favored my daughter. MIL got DD got 9 toys, a pair of boots, new sheets, a big blanket, 2 outfits, and a sled. DS got 4 toys and an outfit. I understand he's a baby, but I still think they should be treated equally. Plus they gave us $300 in an envelope w/ DD and DS's names on it. As FIL gave it to me he said it was if we wanted to get DD a dresser or something.

DH is not into confronting his mother, but with the number of people giving gifts, we just can't handle so much from 1 couple. It also takes alot away from the meaning of Christmas and appreciating what you have. Not to mention, MIL did not take one of the suggestions I gave that she asked for, so most of the gifts are either going back, more work for me, or being put in our re-gifting stash. I kind of want to say no gifts from anyone next year, other than me and DH, but I don't think that's really fair either.

saturdaynightdoubletree · December 2012

The money put in an account for college or just savings for the kids future.
I can't see how old your LOs are because I'm on my phone, but maybe you could have them pick 34 toys to bring to a shelter or goodwill, and explain that the presents will go to other boys and girls who don't have toys etc. It clears out the stash, and teaches kids the gift of giving to others less fortunate. Regift some stuff, put other stuff away for a rainy day or special treat somewhere down the road.
HTH

saturdaynightdoubletree · December 2012

Haha, that was supposed to say 3 to 4 toys not 34, stupid bump mobile!

dragon_chica · December 2012

saturdaynightdoubletree:
The money put in an account for college or just savings for the kids future. I can't see how old your LOs are because I'm on my phone, but maybe you could have them pick 34 toys to bring to a shelter or goodwill, and explain that the presents will go to other boys and girls who don't have toys etc. It clears out the stash, and teaches kids the gift of giving to others less fortunate. Regift some stuff, put other stuff away for a rainy day or special treat somewhere down the road. HTH

I like this idea. You can ban gifts next year but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll respect it. Also, if you do a gift ban will this be forever or for a few years? That's also something to consider. As for the "inequality" in gifts, I'm going to assume that DD is older and say that I'm sure DS doesn't notice or give a crap how many and what kind of gifts he gets. Currently these are YOUR feelings being projected onto what you think he may feel. Now, if this is something they do all the time, ever year even when the kids are older and know better than you really have a problem.

lilles · December 2012

I think you should be grateful you have such a generous family even if it is not what you would prefer. I would put the money in a savings account and donate all the gifts that you don't want/need. Remember that it makes some people very happy to be able to give so much and therein lies their joy this season.

As far as the uneven amount of gifts I think it was because your DS is younger plus some people like girl stuff more and buy more of it. If like PP says there is still such a disparity then I would mention something but at this stage you should let it go.

We also got a ton of gifts from family even some stuff that we already have and I am just going to donate the repeats and put stuff away to bring out during the year.

Cherryblossoms07 · December 2012

lilles:
I think you should be grateful you have such a generous family even if it is not what you would prefer. I would put the money in a savings account and donate all the gifts that you don't want/need. Remember that it makes some people very happy to be able to give so much and therein lies their joy this season.
As far as the uneven amount of gifts I think it was because your DS is younger plus some people like girl stuff more and buy more of it. If like PP says there is still such a disparity then I would mention something but at this stage you should let it go.
We also got a ton of gifts from family even some stuff that we already have and I am just going to donate the repeats and put stuff away to bring out during the year.

I agree with a large part of this. My parents go way overboard every year. I know why they do it, because we live across country and they don't get to see the kids every day like they do my nephew and they try and make up for it during the holidays. It makes them extremely happy to see the kids enjoying the stuff that they send. I would not want to take that away from them because I know how difficult it is on them for us to be so far away.

Would it bother you as much if it was your family giving so many? I notice you are only complaining about the ILs' gifts (you never stated how many your family gave but put a number on all your ILs' gifts). Is there something more underlying to this problem?

You learn to deal with the amount of gifts. I rotate toys. DH and I only buy one or two things (mostly things they need or additional pieces to things I know they are getting from family- trains for their train table, etc.) or experience tickets (Disney tickets, Disney on ice tickets, annual zoo passes, etc.) You could ask for more experience type gifts which would make both sides happy, if space is really the only thing bothering you.

As for the disparity, I totally agree with the quoted text above. The same thing happens with our DS. He is the second and he is still really young (we still have all DD's old toys and my parents kind of exhausted all the cool baby toys with her) so it makes him very difficult to buy for. My parents have a difficult time coming up with stuff to get him so he gets money to make up for the difference in toys. I am sure when he gets older and expresses more of an opinion on what he likes, then it will change, and then you can complain even more about all the toys. : )

megann831 · December 2012

Cherryblossoms07:
Would it bother you as much if it was your family giving so many? I notice you are only complaining about the ILs' gifts (you never stated how many your family gave but put a number on all your ILs' gifts). Is there something more underlying to this problem?
You learn to deal with the amount of gifts. I rotate toys. DH and I only buy one or two things (mostly things they need or additional pieces to things I know they are getting from family- trains for their train table, etc.) or experience tickets (Disney tickets, Disney on ice tickets, annual zoo passes, etc.) You could ask for more experience type gifts which would make both sides happy, if space is really the only thing bothering you.
As for the disparity, I totally agree with the quoted text above. The same thing happens with our DS. He is the second and he is still really young (we still have all DD's old toys and my parents kind of exhausted all the cool baby toys with her) so it makes him very difficult to buy for. My parents have a difficult time coming up with stuff to get him so he gets money to make up for the difference in toys. I am sure when he gets older and expresses more of an opinion on what he likes, then it will change, and then you can complain even more about all the toys. : )

It would bother me if one of my family members gave so much. I mentioned we have alot of people who give to our LOs so to have 1 person give so much its really overwhelming. I also wouldn't mind the discrepancy in gifts if they did give DS extra money for his savings, but that didn't happen

jennygirlmt · December 2012

Wow. I do get that too many presents are unnecessary. Our family is really trying to be good since the kids get overwhelmed anyway. That being said I've never been ungrateful. And the inlaws do the 12 days of Christmas with a gift on each day so we haven't even done that yet.

Dd2 got two outfits from my aunt. Dd1, my niece and nephew got like five things. She's a baby and doesn't need anything. I wasn't given money to make up for it and it never occurred to me to get mad. I am positive next year will be different when she will respond more.

We also told this aunt to stop buying last year. This year she got us one restaurant gift card which we were happy about since we are all young and on budgets, but she was still excited to buy for the babies.

Personally, I always prefer people save their money but whatever they choose to bestow upon my children is appreciated. If your inlaws always ignore DS or make rude comments about him then there's an issue.

As for the money, either split it into their college savings or buy them a zoo pass, etc.

Dd is 2 and knows Christmas is about Jesus despite all the gifts. So you can make sure that happens. I like the idea of donating gifts or like you said, regift to save you money through the year.

You can try saying "this generosity was too much, we should try for less next year." And leave it at that. Be grateful for anything you get at that point.

js13524 · December 2012

My Dad and Stepmom, also, like to get a lot of gifts for our kids. To me, it's okay for them to spoil the kids. My son is starting to understand that things are different with Grandma and Grandpa than with Mom and Dad. My husband and I try to keep gifts to a minimum and donate or do a little charity so DS can know the gift of giving.

I communicate a lot with my stepmom during holidays and birthdays to make sure that the kids are getting stuff that they will enjoy or need. She knows that we have limited space and that I HATE clutter. Make your request (firmly, but nicely) known to your MIL. Call or write her and ask her what she bought before hand. Let her know if something is not going to work out for you. For me, it is always okay for my parents to buy the kids new clothes. The kids are always needing new clothes!!

We, also, have random family members that like to give little gifts. Ones that get played with for a little bit than forgotten about. I've tried to think of a polite way of telling them 'Thanks, but no thanks'. And I can't think of one. So I just wait till the kids lose interest and then promptly get rid of it. This year we'll pretty much be donating all their old toys to make way for all the new ones. Donating to less fortunate kids is a great idea!

And if you're worried about people getting your kids gifts, but you not getting their kids anything, don't! I used to worry about this when my husbands family got together. All adults would buy gifts for all the kids, except there is like 12 little kids in his family. I can't afford gifts for all those kids!! So I started making cookie bags for all of them. Cheap and the kids love them!

megann831 · December 2012

The more I thought about it, something else that really bothers me about the discrepancy between the gifts for DD and DS, is that originally my ILs were going to get DD a bedroom set. We figured since they spend so much, this would take up a larger part of the budget so we wouldn't get so many toys. As we talked about it I thought it was kind of odd they never asked about DS, but I figured they just had something else in mind. In the end, the bedroom set wouldn't fit in DD's small room, but if they had gotten her the furniture, they would have spent alot of money on something that wouldn't have been an exciting Christmas morning toy. So I just still don't get why they spend so much on a 2 year old and not as much on a 7 month old. It's not even like she's old enough to want expensive or many specific gifts. I just don't get it and really don't like my children being treated so differently by their own grandparents.

acaudill75 · December 2012

Ahhh, the problems of our first world country. There is a mother out in the world right now venting that she didn't have enough food to feed all her children, and so one died, and we worry about having too many presents.

carlab44 · December 2012

I can understand being annoyed about getting too many gifts, but the concern about the "unfairness" is silly. Your kids aren't keeping track so why should you. DD is 6 and DS is almost 4. I'm fairly certain they didn't get the exact same number of gifts for Christmas from us, much less my family. They were just excited about what they did get, not concerned about what others got that they didn't.

If as they get older your inlaws still seem to greatly favor one child over the other then I can maybe see addressing it. But as I often tell my kids - fair does not mean equal.

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