family name question

abbieaggie · May 2012

DS1 has my DH's first name and DS2's mn is DH's mn. Basically DH's name is his maternal grandpa's and dad's name. So, I feel that we have covered both sides of his family, both names have been used for generations - Martin & James.

My paternal grandmother passed away and I would like to use her name - Mary - as a mn if this baby is a girl. My favorite uncle (honestly like a second dad to me) passed a few years ago and I feel bad for not using his name - Raymond - for first two boys, so it will be a mn if baby is a boy.

Sorry so long, but I'd like to let my father know I would be using his mother's name for a girl because we will not be using either of his names for a boy - David Lee. How do I handle the in-laws when telling our names, or should I only mention names to my parents? Any advice? Should I say since we used DH's family names for the first two, we are using my family names this time, or not even go into it? His mother has already given me suggestions for both genders and I don't know how to say no without an explanation. TIA

HiLLjO · May 2012

I understand your plight but I think it's insane that anyone would expect you to explain naming your child you grew whatever you like. I wouldn't bring it up; if they ask just say "because we liked it."

abbieaggie · May 2012

mj.reilly:
"If it is a boy, we are naming him _______ Raymond.
If it is a girl, we are naming her _______ Mary."

You don't owe them any explanation. Tell them the names are final. It is your decision. They have no say in naming your children.
If they don't like it. Tough sh.it. It is not your problem if they don't like it.

Haha! Thanks, I will try to muster up the nerve to say that if they question the name or naming process. My mother in law is the sweetest person, but very traditional Irish and thinks all names should be very Irish and family names. But, their family names!

raefre · May 2012

abbieaggie:
Haha! Thanks, I will try to muster up the nerve to say that if they question the name or naming process. My mother in law is the sweetest person, but very traditional Irish and thinks all names should be very Irish and family names. But, their family names!

If you need an excuse, use what the PP said: because we liked it, it sounded pretty, etc. No need to explain more than that.

Laurakat81 · May 2012

HiLLjO:
I understand your plight but I think it's insane that anyone would expect you to explain naming your child you grew whatever you like. I wouldn't bring it up; if they ask just say "because we liked it."

This.

HiLLjO · May 2012

Laurakat81:

HiLLjO:
I understand your plight but I think it's insane that anyone would expect you to explain naming your child you grew whatever you like. I wouldn't bring it up; if they ask just say "because we liked it."

This.

Thank you, my fellow-one-tubed sister.

adventureolive · May 2012

What about Mary Ray? Or you could change the spelling to Mary Rae. That way you could have both of them.

I would be honest and say that this time around you're going to honor someone from your side. With 2-1 they're still ahead and have no reason to get upset. It's your kid, after all, not theirs. If you don't want to explain, just say "We'll put that on the list" or "We'll consider it."

abbieaggie · May 2012

adventureolive:
What about Mary Ray? Or you could change the spelling to Mary Rae. That way you could have both of them.

I would be honest and say that this time around you're going to honor someone from your side. With 2-1 they're still ahead and have no reason to get upset. It's your kid, after all, not theirs. If you don't want to explain, just say "We'll put that on the list" or "We'll consider it."

Thanks everyone, I never thought of they will have their last name (duh I'm slow on naming this time)! And, I never thought of Mary Rae... cute. Our last name is a Mc name so I think Mary flows well as a first name.

Also thanks to the PP who said not to get hopes up on using my gram's name until I'm sure of the gender... just the name thing keeps coming up and I want give them possible names, nothing in stone since we are team green - for now.

EastCoastBride · May 2012

My advice- don't tell them until the baby is born! It's a lot harder to argue when that IS the baby's name.

And to any names they suggest? "Oh, thanks for the suggestions." w/ a smile and nothing more.

As already said - you don't have to explain anything. And the less you say, the less there is to argue against.

abbieaggie · May 2012

EastCoastBride:
My advice- don't tell them until the baby is born! It's a lot harder to argue when that IS the baby's name.

And to any names they suggest? "Oh, thanks for the suggestions." w/ a smile and nothing more.

As already said - you don't have to explain anything. And the less you say, the less there is to argue against.

All of this is perfect advice! Thanks

zaramarie81 · May 2012

I say don't even bring it up with the in-laws. Just tell them your final name choice and let it be. Or, you could add, "Isn't it great; he/she is named after my grandmother/uncle?"

It would take a pretty heartless person to be upset that you wanted to honor your relatives.

megemoney · May 2012

I understand your concern, but I think that you should use the names that you want to use and be confident in your choices. I hope that your in-laws will be supportive. If they have a problem, you can explain to them as you explained to us.

abra17 · December 2012

I agree with this!!! Be honest!! Just let them know that this time around you would really like to honor some people from your side of the family in the naming process, and that while you appreciate their input just ask them to understand that the ultimate decision will be yours. They should be able to respect that.

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