December 2010 Moms
OhSewCrafty
member
If _______ , then _______.
OhSewCrafty
member
The concept of "if you _______, then you can _______" is completely lost on Charlie. I can't bribe him with anything - he just stares at me. Whether we're asking him to take another bite of food before dessert or to clean up his toys so we can read a story before bed. Nothin'.
Is that weird? Anyone else's kid not understand rewards yet?
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Re: If _______ , then _______.
I say "first __, then__" it makes it less of an option, and I use her names when I use this phrasing instead of "you". For example she likes to brush her own teeth, but isn't very thorough, so I say "first mama brush, then Hazel brush". She understands it and I use it often for a variety of scenarios in which I need her cooperation.
Ginny DX 21-Hydroxylase Deficiency Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia
Charlie DX Specific Antibody Deficiency & ASD
I do think it's a pretty complicated concept - LO understands things coming in order, for example "If you let mommy take a picture, you get fruit snacks" (Yes, I totally bribed with food to get a good Christmas card picture), or, "If you go brush your teeth, you can watch Team Umizoomi" (she gets to watch 1 episode before bed).
But she doesn't really get the whole "if I act nicely, mommy and daddy will be happy" concept.
It has to be very concrete, like... If I kick the Christmas tree = I get time out. And even then she will test the theory three or four times in a row.
On the up side, after doing that one day, she didn't ever mess with the tree again - she just had to make sure we were serious.
I do think over the next few months they will understand that concept more and more though - and then they start to bargain with you, the little stinkers!
DS understands, but whether or not he chooses to follow along with it is a different story. My food example in Cheekers' post is an example. "If you eat this food, then I'll give you your toy". Sometimes he'll eat & sometimes he doesn't.
And like the others mentioned - if I use the phrasing in your subject & DS just ignores me, then I'll rephrase it with more emphasis -"FIRST do this, THEN we can do that."
I think Jack really understands the concept, but I've noticed that certain phrasing is more effective than others. "If, then" and "first, then" work sometimes. But what works the best is "Do you, then" like "Do you want to go to the park? Then you need to pick up your toys."
I think that him having to respond and say "Yes" and be involved in the conversation helps. There's no confusion about first or second, or the concept of "if". It's just "I want this. I have to do that to get it."
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