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September 2011 Moms
ldcoffel
member
Do you have a plan for your parents?
ldcoffel
member
Sorry to post this when it is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but recent events have made me start to think and make plans.
Do you have a plan, or have you thought about who will take care of your parents when they no longer can take care of themselves? Will they live with you? A sibling, a nursing home? My parents are younger, in their 50's, but my in laws are older, and would need help sooner.
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Re: Do you have a plan for your parents?
"Because when you stop and look around, this life is pretty amazing."
~Dr. Suess
Yes, my parents could live with me no problem. They have done so much for us, it's the least I could do!!
inlaws... Hum. Different story!!
? Voted Cool Cat ~ 2012 Sweetpea Mom Awards ?
MIL keeps talking about moving to VA with her much younger sister. So if she does that solves that. If not we get her.
FIL and SMIL will go to DH's sister.
Covert-your parents are soooo young!!
My parents were born in 1944 & 1946... My oldest sister is 45!!
I have two guest rooms and my older sister has two guest rooms.... But since I'm "the favorite" (wink wink), I'm betting they'd want to live with us!
My brothers wife is a biatch so I know they won't take them. And My twin lives next to my parents but her house is crazy.... Not sure they would prefer living there... :-)
Sunflower, my mom has MS too! It can be such a stressful, scary thing to face. If you ever need to talk, pm me :
Im the only child so I would like to say they would live with us, but we are living on their land already so I can do all the housework and take care of my mom. She just turned 50, but is unable to walk 70 percent of the time, so we felt they needed our help.
Yes they are, but I tease them all of the time. Lol. They were born in 1965 and 1967. Mom was 18 when she got pregnant with my brother. Young, but the best parents I could ever ask for! Now if only I could say the same for the in laws...hehe.
Ha! JK, My Dad was born in 1939!
After he retired he followed my sister to the big east; he lives with her, is grandpa of the year by taking the kids to baseball, football, piano or whatever the activity may be. He still has jet black hair and looks like he is 50!
My sister is taking care of him per se, and I am taking care of selling his house.
MIL never ever ever wants to living in a retirement community. Her H is 80 and right now they live in a pseudo mansion so I can't see her staying there when he passes, but I can't see it working out that she would live with H and I or SIL.
My parents are in their fifties too. I would be very happy to get a house with an in law suite for both or one of them when the time comes. I know they would like to be independent as long as possible but with them, i think we will all have a reasonable discussion when we think they may need some extra help and figure out what everyone is happiest with.
Has anyone here looked into what kind of services are available for elderly folks in your state? This is just an example of what is offered in PA.
https://www.aging.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt/community/home_and_community_based_services/17997
I'm a case manager for the under 60 version of this program. The goal is to keep people in their own homes and communities. It''s much more cost effective for someone to live in their own home rather than a personal care or nursing home.
No but we have started to have conversation. My parents are local so it is a bit easier to talk with them and think about options. My parents are complicated and my mom has a financial plan in place and a contingent in her will that stipulates we take care of my dad (he isn't on the house, finances etc long story). So fortunately she has the $$ we would just have to decide a living situation.
DHs parents are divorced and remarried -- one set just retired to a farm in Virginia and the other set are still working in upstate NY. THey are all 65+ and I don't think DH and his brother have talked at all to any of them. DH's brother and my brother are all local so that helps.
My parents already have everything set up for themselves. A down payment at a cushy retirement community that could transfer into skilled nursing if needed. They are 68 and 65.
As far as ILs go...it is extremely likely FIL will go first (he's 61 and has had FIVE heart attacks). MIL (57) will get herself an apartment. Beyond that I don't know. In the odd event that MIL would go first, FIL would never survive without her, so we wouldn't have to arrange something for long. (I know this all sounds callous, but it's how we talk around here, including with them).
We haven't really talked about it, but probably should at some point. My mom is 49 and in great health, but my dad is 59 with rheumatoid arthritis and other physical problems. I assume she'll be taking care of him for quite awhile. FIL is in prison for 5 years and will never live in our house once he's out. I don't think DH wants much to do with him anyway. MIL is 54 and in good health, and SFIL is 60, not in great health but they are really well off and I don't know what their requests are. SFIL has no kids of his own, and has only been married to MIL for 2.5 years. We live 2 hours away and don't even really know him.
Actually lately we have been more preoccupied with DH's grandma, who DH and BIL are power of attorney for. She's gotten to the point where she needs taken care of, and they have been talking to a lawyer about how to do things (long story!).
We don't really have a specific plan yet, but I told DH that I want to take care of them all if possible. I hate nursing homes and I will do everything in my power to keep our parents out of one.
His parents are starting the immigration process soon, so that they can be close to us.
H is one of 7 kids so one of his sisters can take his parents lol
If its in my power neither my parents or grandparents will be in nursing homes. My plans are to buy a bigger home where they can move in when the time comes.
DH parents are both deceased, however he his grandparents. The other day his grandmother said she wanted to move move back to her country. I would be delighted to help her pack! We don't have the best relationship.
When we buy our house this summer we will pick one that has a big enough basemet that we can turn into a parental suite. My parents have gone above and beyone for us and I refuse to let them go to a retirement home. They will stay wtih us.