When to start bringing a dish?

Winomama · December 2012

Since I graduated from college and got a real job, I have always felt obligated to bring something when going to see family or friends for a holiday or party. I feel like I am the only who does this among my peers (I'm 29). Everyone else is always limping in on whatever their mother brings, even my cousins well into their 30's with several kids. Even if you don't bring a dish you made, bring a bottle of wine or some candy, or how about rolling up your sleeves and helping with the dishes? I can't believe people in my family feel that my mother and I exist solely to cook for and wait on them, and can't even give us a damn answer whether or not they will be gracing us with the presence so we know how much to cook and how many place settings we need.

homediva · December 2012

Sing it Sister! I was brought up to never arrive anywhere empty handed!

ljsmom11 · December 2012

We all bring dishes and have for a few years. We always end up with entirely to much. Maybe they think ya'll are great chefs?

JaysonandKristin · December 2012

I cannot fathom not having a "reliable" head count; with my family it could sway anywhere from 8 of us to 40 of us. That just blows my mind.

I don't bring anything when we go to my aunt and uncle's or my grandma's house for dinners. It just never crossed my mind to do so. My parents bring wine and beer for all of our immediate family and give my aunt and uncle money for dinner/dessert.

I don't know what age I might start bringing stuff, but my cousins do the same when they come to our side of the family's events. I've never even thought about it until you brought it up. It doesn't bother me. Perhaps it's a family dynamic.

If it bothers you, mention it when you invite them. "Dinner starts at 4, bring your favorite side dish, some wine or a dessert please..."

They are family, they can't possibly be offended that easily. Right?

Duffgurl · December 2012

Or at least ask if you can bring something.

melissa0726 · December 2012

I don't bring a dish when we go to a holiday party/dinner with our parents or aunts and uncles. This year was the first time I brought a dessert to Thanksgiving, and no one touched it because my mom just goes all out and there is so much food! Our parents go all out as hosts, they are generally sending us home with leftovers, so it seems silly for me to bring more food. I do usually either go over early to help cook/prep, or take a major part in the cleanup.

That said, if someone was throwing something potluck style, I would have no problem bringing something.

If we go to a party with friends, I always ask if I can bring an appetizer or dessert or a bottle of wine.

countrywed · December 2012

Yes, I go places for the holidays without bringing something but I always try to ask or have DH do it for me. If they say no I am off the hook. I have also learned if it is more than a weekend to offer to bring and cook a meal--Like hey you are doing Chirstmas dinner, how about I do Christmas eve.

Head count also bugs me soooo much. I have the In Laws coming late tonight. Some are leaving Sunday and just let us know a day or two ago that it will be early Sunday (as in no lunch). I have no idea when the rest are leaving, even my MIL wants to know why we want to know if she will be there Chirstmas eve/day. She is bringing a ham, but I only know that because I had DH ask if she was.

I spent $500 in groceries for a big meal and stocking up for a possible 4 day stay. I already had hamberger and chicken too so that isn't in the bill.

Okay frustration out.

ETA: If you have kids I think you should be offering or 25 with Guest

Rachey1082 · December 2012

I started bringing dishes to both parents and inlaws once I was married.

My mother is a control freak, so it doesn't matter if I bring a dish or not. She always has more than enough food. I do it because I feel like I should. MIL isn't an awesome cook and never makes enough food. She always asks me to bring a vegetable. So usually I bring what she asks me to bring and maybe one other thing.

If we're going to extended family, I always ask ahead of time and if they say no then I bring a bottle wine or something that can be used later if we don't need it.