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Pre-School and Daycare
Mrs.Greg
member
EXTREMELY shy preschooler
Mrs.Greg
member
My DD is so beyond shy at school, it's almost painful for me to watch. She's not normally shy, she's very chatty and loves to talk to, well, people she knows well. She's been in preschool for 3 months and doesn't talk to her classmates and barely talks to her teacher. When we are waiting to go into class, the other kids will come up and say hi to her and she turns away and puts her face into my leg. She does the same thing when her teacher says hi to her. I try not to make a huge deal about it, I just try to encourage her to say hi by talking to her classmates and teacher myself, hoping she'll open up. It's just tough because the other parents will constantly make comments about how she's STILL so shy right in front of her. I don't mind the comment, it's the truth, but I don't like that they say it in front of her. I'm afraid it's making her more self conscious about it. But that's MY issue and not really the point of this post. I'm just wondering if anyone else had a LO who was the same way... did they eventually open up?
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Re: EXTREMELY shy preschooler
I agree with this completely. When DD#1 started preschool, she was terrified- the boys were rowdy and she was afraid of them hurting her. I started having playdates here and she was confident and she was able to find common interests and then had the confidence to carry over at school. Additionally, DS was significantly language delayed and even though he is nearly caught up and chatters at home, he only parallel plays at school and doesn't talk. Yesterday at DD#1's tae kwon do class, there was another boy his age watching a sibling and the two became best buds, playing with a toy DS brought, turn taking, and in 20 minutes of playing neither spoke once. When he has friends over, he warms up and chatters, and at school will make a comment or two to that child.
That said, DD had a girl who never spoke in class, and when called upon would tear up and eventually whisper the answer in the teacher's ear. By the end of the year she was chatty with the other girls, even though got stage fright when called on in class. She's in kindergarten now and I ran into her at Chuck E Cheese and after politely answering my badgering questions about kindergarten, she grabbed my daughter's hand and said "let's go Alex!"
So it may just take ALOT of time. But pre-k is about learning the social skills she needs for school, and with 1.5 years more of pre-K, I bet it will come at her pace. Good luck!
DS was like that. He is normally shy around people he doesn't know, so we were expecting it. He didn't talk to a single person until March last year!!! And it wasn't until summer camp that summer that he started playing with other kids. It was a little sad to see the other kids tell their parents that he doesn't talk.
The teachers said he was content in school...was totally happy playing by himself and was one of the most independent kids in the class when it came to doing things by himself (putting his jacket one, hanging his stuff up, putting things away, etc). They told me just to give it time...don't make a big deal out of it and don't push it. They did suggest a couple of similar temperamented boys in the class to set up playdates with. We did do that a few times and it helped having the kids play on a 1 on 1 basis in a more familiar setting. By the end of summer camp, his teacher told me that DS and 2 of the classmates we've been doing playdates with got in trouble that day for getting together and spitting on the plants outside. Of course at the time, she pulled them aside and spoke to them about it, but afterwards, we secretly cheered because all 3 boys were really shy and by the end of the year, they were social enough to get together and do that!
This is his second year and he is so much better. He is still somewhat softspoken at school, but does talk to the teachers when they ask his questions directly. He has a group of buddies now that he plays with consistently and even has no problem getting up to do show and tell when it's his turn. He was also one of the youngest in his 3 yo class last year (was still 2 when he started), so it could just be that year in development making the difference.
I probably wouldn't say DS is extremely shy but he is definitely shy. When he first moved up to the 3 year old room, he played by himself and didn't talk to anyone for at least the first few weeks. Gradually, he got more comfortable and now he's still shy and quiet but he has some "best friends" and the teacher says he's SO much more talkative and now plays with other kids all the time. Although he still also likes to do his own thing - that's just him, his dad and I are like that too.
I can tell when we're going up to a new group of kids that he's going to tense and be shy. It just takes him awhile to warm up.
I've seen a few other kids in his class that are basically the same way. I kinda dread moving up to the 4 year old room because it'll probably be similar where he has to get used to things before he opens up.