December 2010 Moms
xxbabycakesxx
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Money/Dh vent tl;dr
xxbabycakesxx
member
Does your family know how much you make?
So, Dh got a new job and I may need to find a new job depending on his new shifts. This evening Dh, my brother and I were talking and Dh says to me "you don't even make a lot of money at your job so it doesn't matter if you love your job or not." Brother asks how much I make and of course I'm uncomfortable with that question cause I know I don't make a lot but dumbass Dh says "xx amount." Brother looks in disbelief and is like "you're lying!" and blah blah judgement. Thats exactly why I don't tell people how much I make.
So I say I don't want to talk about it and walk away yet Dh keeps talking, saying "yea, she went to college and has been working there for years and thats all she makes." Wow, way to make me feel shtty and this small.
Later Dh says he thought brother knew what I made and that its NBD now that he knows but to me it just sucks. I don't know why. I don't want brother to look at me like I'm poor or a charity case or something. I don't know. I'm embarrassed and feel like a piece of crap.
Thanks for letting me vent.
So, Dh got a new job and I may need to find a new job depending on his new shifts. This evening Dh, my brother and I were talking and Dh says to me "you don't even make a lot of money at your job so it doesn't matter if you love your job or not." Brother asks how much I make and of course I'm uncomfortable with that question cause I know I don't make a lot but dumbass Dh says "xx amount." Brother looks in disbelief and is like "you're lying!" and blah blah judgement. Thats exactly why I don't tell people how much I make.
So I say I don't want to talk about it and walk away yet Dh keeps talking, saying "yea, she went to college and has been working there for years and thats all she makes." Wow, way to make me feel shtty and this small.
Later Dh says he thought brother knew what I made and that its NBD now that he knows but to me it just sucks. I don't know why. I don't want brother to look at me like I'm poor or a charity case or something. I don't know. I'm embarrassed and feel like a piece of crap.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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Re: Money/Dh vent tl;dr
No, my family doesn't know how much I make. What would annoy me the most out of the situation is YH continuing to go on about it after you made it clear to stop. I'm sorry - big hugs to you.
My mom doesn't know how much we make, but she always offers money for stuff & when I tell her no, she says, "well, I don't want you to struggle!" This is really annoying b/c while we are not rich by any means & do need both our incomes, we are not struggling & it makes me wonder what impression we give off that makes her think that we are. Ok, so yeah, our house is small & our cars are older/paid off, but we live frugally on a daily basis so we can bank our money or just spend it when we need to/want to.
I'm sorry you were made to feel like crap & embarrassed.
To this day, I would do it all over again if I had to. Being happy at a job is a thousands times more important than making lots of money imho.
Well, they probably do because my salary is public domain. You can look it up online. I can also look up my mom, dad, brother, SIL's, BIL's, stepmother and all my cousins because we are all teachers. One time my H and I looked up everyone's for fun, haha. So I guess with that kind of background, I don't really treat my salary like a secret. Maybe some bumpies who know my full name will now know too!
That being said, I totally understand why you feel upset that your H was belittling about your salary.
I recently got a new job and did tell my mom when she asked, but I think this may have been the first time ever. It's not something I really thought was any of her business. On the other hand, sometimes I wish salaries weren't such a big secret. I think it's important to know what your peers are making so you can gauge if you are being compensated fairly. At my old firm, I knew what everyone made because it was on the intranet (though I don't think most people knew it was there!).
If you enjoy your job and feel you are being compensated fairly, then don't worry about what your brother/DH said. If they put the idea in your head that you should be making more, and now you're kind of wondering if they're right, then maybe it's worth looking into.
omg, that is so annoying. Who says "you don't even make a lot of money at your job so it doesn't matter if you love your job or not?" That is such a screwed up thing to say! It always matters if you love your job.
DH and I were just talking about this today. He makes a lot more than I do...a LOT more. I have a Ph.D., graduated with highest honors from an Ivy League school, etc...but professors at many schools really don't get paid much at all so my salary is not great. In spite of all of this schooling I make what a lot of people make starting straight out of college (and not even graduating with high honors from a top school!) But DH and I agree that my job is important and worthwhile. I love my job.
If you have to switch jobs I hope you find another one you love. And I hope your DH's brother stops being an ass. And I hope DH apologizes as well.
That sucks. I'm sorry DH spilled the beans when you were making it clear you didn't want to talk about it. I'm also really sorry that your brother made you feel bad about it. You shouldn't feel embarrassed though. You have a steady job and in this economy that something to be proud of. Im sure there are a lot of other people who went to college who have much crappier pay checks, trust me.
I'm pretty discreet about money myself, but I know some families are much more open about that kind of thing. So I think whether to share or not is personal preference.
The part I'd be more upset about if your husband's comments about your salary. It sounds disrespectful to me. I'd let him know his comments were hurtful. Everyone contributes to their families in different ways, and your salary shouldn't be a measure of how much respect or how much happiness you deserve.
Our families have a vague idea, but not the specifics. My salary is public record though, so they could go look it up if they really wanted to know.
I"m sorry your DH and brother were jerks. Your worth shouldn't be tied up into a dollar amount.
BFP #2 5/27/12. EDD 2/1/13. m/c and D&C 6/21/12.
That was super disrespectful. I'm so sorry.
Im not currently making anything. No one ever knew what I made when I was. And, tbh, I make a pitiful amount. I couldn't live on it f I wasn't combining income with my DH. But, I love my work and it's a decision we've made as a family.
Your DH needs to lay-off. I'm really mad at him for hurting you.
Ugh, that sucks! I'd be really pissed with both DH and bro for basically belittling you. That was really jerk-ish of them and I would say something to them. It's really not cool.
My family does not know how much I make and I prefer it that way. I think DH did tell his mom what he makes and I wish he hadn't. I don't really like anyone knowing how much we make. I don't know how much family members make either.
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]
My in laws don't ask about his income but they do ask if we need help sometimes. I think they all assume we are hurting for money because they try to buy the groceries when they come to visit for an extended stay. Or maybe they just like to feel like they ate contributing, idk.
What I exactly make isn't on the net but there is a gov't website that shows starting wage and typically the most my position could make and stuff like that. I don't know why this situation upset me so much, it just did.
Fwiw, my mom and MIL bring us home cooked meals once in a while and MIL buys us diapers and formula sometimes. They don't know how much we make but I guess they just want to help and I appreciate their generosity so much. I guess its the judgement I feel from people that I don't make as much as them...or as much as they think I do. It shouldn't matter what others think but ughhh its just bugging me.