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Blended Families
FutureMrsWittig
member
Why do you come here?
FutureMrsWittig
member
This is genuine curiosity. I feel like we see a number of "that's not why I came here" posts. So I'm interested to know what everyone's expectations are when they enter a forum like this one.
Are you looking for advice?
Just need a place to vent?
Looking for others to commiserate with you?
Searching for resources and information?
What does everybody hope to get out of this?
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why do you come here?
I needed a place to vent. Aside from my mother, no one, not even close friends, have the completely full picture of everything we've been through on the BF front. I like it that way. Several family who do know most of the picture like to ask about it - even if the boys are nearby. (vent)
I think mine is one of the crazier stories, so I can identify with some people who come here with drama.
Perspective, ideas, information, venting, pretty much everything that I can't get in the real world.
I mostly lurk, but I'll bite.
Are you looking for advice? Sometimes, yes. There's a lot of people here that have "been there, done that" and have great advice. I sometimes feel like the parenting advice is the most helpful since I am "just" a SM, not a BM, and lack some of the parenting experiences. Some of my favorite advice is when Ilumine posts a link to child development sites about what is age-appropriate.
Just need a place to vent? Not really. BM is known to spend a lot of time internet stalking and I worry that I would be easy to find if I post too many of my complaints here.
Looking for others to commiserate with you? Yes. Raising kids is tough and raising kids in a blended family brings so many more challenges than I was expecting.
Searching for resources and information? Yes, see above. Also, I like all the information people have about legal avenues. Our BM has borderline personality disorder which brings a whole new level of crazy. Knowing what legal options are out there has been huge in helping me educate myself (and DH!) about how to exert our rights.
I started here when the board was created and I felt like I could add to the posts since my little blended family was working out pretty well. It ebbs and flows these days though. I come back when I get bored or to look and see how some of the other original psoters are doing.
Don't give up. I would miss you to much
I always felt like we had similar situations except you are the BM and I am the SM!
Peter Gabrial - all together now
Don't give up
'cos you have friends
Don't give up
You're not beaten yet
Don't give up
I know you can make it good
In this proud land we grew up strong...
I come here for perspective. It helps to know that people do this successfully every day. It also helps to know that my situation isn't the worst there ever was.
I also hope that sometimes I help others as much as they've helped me.
I lurk all the time. Mostly because I like to see what others are doing with the situations they are in. Sometimes your situations match mine and I know I am not alone or I learn how to handle things differently. This board gives me the peace of mind that I am not alone. That others are in the same boats I am in or they have it far worse than me. In those cases I look at my life and be thankful because seems it can always get worse!
I also have been doing this for 12 years. I have teenagers and am in the process of transitioning our oldest out. I am on the edge of not having to consult BM. I am sooooo excited!! So I think that I may have some insight to those just starting out and maybe can be a help to them. I have been to lawyers and to court so I want to help those that are currently going through that.
You guys are so much fun!!! I like to post and confirm that my BM is full of it sometimes....or get another perspective on myself to see if I am being crazy cakes that day!!!
Being in a BF is hard, only someone in a similar situation can truly understand!
My 4 Angel Babies.....
MC#1- 12/2008, MC#2- 05/2009, MC#3 07/2009, MC#4 11/2009
Training to become an IBCLC. BF Questions? Just ask!
I didn't come to TB for this board but found it while I was here.
It was good for me to "talk" to people in the same situation who don't love me (like my family and friends) so I would get better ways to handle things. My people IRL tend to say I am doing things right even when I can handle them better. Our BF situation has calmed down tons and most issues are dealing with the teen years now. That is it's own special beast!
** Semi-lurker ** I came on initially because I have no experience with blended families at all prior to marrying my DH. I vent and commiserate every once in a while because none of my family or friends understand the dynamics of a blended family. I also can't vent to some people because they want to fix things too much.
In the beginning... I came to vent and to validate my feelings of 'BM is a terrible mother, should never be allowed to have SS and my H is the king of all kings amazing dad. eff that biotch, everyone tell me we are better than her'. And for the most part... that was all right. But in that, I have really taken a LOT from the ladies here. My resentment and anger has subsided... she is a bad mom. She is the sucks. But at the end of the day... she is my SS's mom. And I've learned in the past 3 years that I don't NEED anyone to tell me that... that I just have to accept this situation for what it is, and do whatever *I* can do to make his childhood experience the best that I can. I also think having my own biological children has helped me chill out. There are ladies on here with great outlooks on things, and give different points of view that I hadn't ever thought of before.
I also like reading the crazy sometimes... guilty pleasure.
MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I come looking for advice.
My family, and all of my friends families do not have any divorces, nothing blended at all. They also don't have kids. It's hard to find someone IRL who understands.
I also look for how other moms handle situations, what the norms are when it comes to custody & other legal things in BF situations.
I feel that I am in the minority as a bm, but I still def get good advice from everyone.
I'm looking for a good swift kick in theass when I'm being an idiot.
Sometimes I take it well, sometimes I disagree. I get good advice whether I like it or not.
And sometimes....I actually come around and see that most of you were right.
Also we've been in court with BM now for 2 years so I feel like I can give advice to save another stepmom some money and or heartache.
I used to post a lot under my old name, and BM went through a stalker phase, maybe she still does I don't know, and would email or text DH about things I've said on the Internet. Not just here but in other various places.
These days there isn't much to talk about on the BF front so I don't start my own threads often. I like to chime in if I can offer advice, or feel as if I can.