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Blended Families
Parenting Time... HELP!
I won't make this very long since I need help/advice ASAP on this matter. I could write a series of books (as I'm sure a lot of us could) on the baby mama drama my husband and I deal with on a daily basis with his ex wife.
My husband and his ex-wife have 2 children together. They have 50/50 custody of the kids and he has been paying her child support since they were divorced. She has been very sneaky with not reporting jobs to Friend of the Court the entire time so he has been paying more than he should.
My husband recently lost his job and we went back to court to finally get it re-adjusted. He went from paying her $200/mo to now receiving $255/mo from her. Needless to say this has REALLY MADE HER MAD. Funny thing about it, we never wanted her money. We tried to mutually agree to reduce what we were paying her to $100/mo while he was unemployed but she wanted nothing to do with it. So we let the court figure it out and it was in our favor.
So the NEWEST bit of drama is this... they switch their parenting time half way through the school week. So legally on paper, their BM has them Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday until 9am. This is when my husband's parenting time starts 9am Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. The flip-flop every other weekend day (Saturday and Sunday) which brings the total to 50/50.
When they established this parenting schedule, the kids weren't in school yet but I don't think either one of them realized what a pain in the butt the mid-week switch would be. So their BM takes them to school Wednesday morning (starting bell is 9:04am). The kids are in Kindergarten and 1st grade this year. SINCE the switch in the child support order, their BM has decided to have the kids buy hot lunch on Wednesdays. She does this because she knows that since we are the ones that registered them for school, this account is linked to us and not her. So every week, we get calls about their lunch account being in the negative balance (which works like a "charge" card) and then WE are responsible for paying it.
Well, today, the school called us to let us know they cancelled the lunch account because of this negative balance. The kids must now bring lunch on Wednesday or bring $2.60 to buy lunch, but they can no longer CHARGE it to their account. So he let their BM know this to ensure that they have a lunch at school tomorrow. They have now been texting back and forth and she is standing firm that she will NOT be sending the kids to school with lunch or money for hot lunch on Wednesday since legally on paper, it is his parenting day. She told him that he will be responsible for dropping a lunch or lunch money off at school for them every Wednesday.
I guess my question is... is this even RIGHT?! Is it written in some book that because Wednesday is my husband's day that he has to drop off their lunch to them? Or should it be their BM responsibility to send them off into the world prepared for the day?! She told him that it would be his fault if the kids didn't have lunch tomorrow and that she is refusing to pack one! So since it is no longer her parenting time after 9:00am, would she send the kids to school naked expecting my husband to provide them clothes, too?!
She is obviously being very spiteful and bitter. She has always packed them lunch on Wednesdays, without question, until the court didn't side in favor of her. I am terrified that she WON'T be sending them lunch tomorrow, as she promised, so we plan on at least dropping some money off at the school in the morning just in case she follows through on her threat. How should we handle this in the future? Are we in the right? Or in the wrong? It makes me sick to my stomach that she can't just be normal and put the kids first. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THE KIDS and she has mastered the art of making it all about her. Thanks in advance for your help!
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Re: Parenting Time... HELP!
Simply put: Your husband's parenting time = your husband's responsibility.
If you guys KNEW each week that you were getting calls about a negative lunch balance, why didn't you just put some money on the account for the kids? (Power struggle against BM much?). And now, you've let this occur so many times (just because you're being pig headed and stubborn against her?) that they won't even allow the kids to HAVE an account anymore.
If it were me, I'd go to the office/school 1 x per month and give them $20. That will cover lunch on Wednesdays for both kids. (it's one time per week, really, it's NOT this big of a deal).
You can argue with her, but you can't change her.
Either take money to the school and leave it in the office or drop a lunch off in the morning. It will cost way more to pay a lawyer to press the issue, and BM doesn't CARE if you think she is wrong.
Yes, she is being petty. But you guys kind of are too.
This exactly. If this is the biggest thing you guys are fighting over, you're in a great BF situation. No offense, but I think you're being quite dramatic about the whole "IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THE KIDS" thing. Before BM didn't mind paying $5.20 each week for lunches since she was receiving $200 per month from YH. Now, her budget technically has $455 less per month. It has been YH's responsibility all along to provide lunch for the kids on Wednesday's since that is his parenting time. BM has been paying it all this time even though she didn't HAVE to.
I have no idea why you're getting so upset over this. It's $5.20 per week. Pay it.
This exactly. If this is the biggest thing you guys are fighting over, you're in a great BF situation. No offense, but I think you're being quite dramatic about the whole "IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THE KIDS" thing. Before BM didn't mind paying $5.20 each week for lunches since she was receiving $200 per month from YH. Now, her budget technically has $455 less per month. It has been YH's responsibility all along to provide lunch for the kids on Wednesday's since that is his parenting time. BM has been paying it all this time even though she didn't HAVE to.
I have no idea why you're getting so upset over this. It's $5.20 per week. Pay it.
Uh. Yeah. Life is too short just pay it and be happy they are getting a lunch versus going starving which would be the alternative if Bm digs in her heels on this
I guess I wasn't too clear in all of this... this problem just started. November 7th was our last day in court and that is when the amount of child support was determined. We have paid the negative balance that was present in the account so not to affect their lunch accounts in the future.
We are by no means upset with having to pay $2.60 x 2 per week, but it definitely isn't something we've budgeted for since my husband has been laid off work for the past 4 months. On the days we take the kids to school that the parenting time switches back to her at 9am, we make sure the kids have a lunch. We send them off into the world prepared for the day. Maybe I'm just frustrated because it seems to be such a double standard.
If that is the law and lunches are supposed to fall under eaches parenting time, which is something they never specified, then we are more than willing to abide by it. My husband went back to court regarding child support because he thought it would end up being reduced, not in a million years did he think he would end up getting child support.
I want my step children to be happy and healthy, that is all. And like I said, we will be taking a lunch to the school for them in the morning even though we don't see them until 4:30pm after school. I just question why there is a double standard? And all of a sudden?
I didn't mean to ruffle so many feathers or come off the way I did... I apologize.
If your budget is so tight that $5.60 a week is a struggle for you, maybe you should see if your stepkids would qualify for free lunch?
This!
And FWIW, I think $2.60 per lunch is a steal of a deal. I can't make a lunch that inexpensive for my SKs
OP, I understand you and your DH are frustrated that BM is refusing to pay for this, but if you were thinking when you went to court that you would be paying $100/month in CS and you ended up RECEIVING $200/month, you are up $300 from what you had originally planned for. For me personally, $5 per week would be well worth it if we didn't have to argue with BM.
Ita! Op your attitude is causing 50 percent of the problems w bm IMO, if this is how you approach other things that come up. It's posts like this that make me think, as a bm myself, that id love to hear the other side of the story. I am sure a vindictive sm could twist things I've done to try to make a similar case about how I am such an awful person.
If you are really so poor that you can't afford this, you may qualify for food stamps so maybe that can help as well as the free lunch program for indigent kids. Good luck.
This.
Just pay for lunch on Wednesday.
I would be making a stink about this at all. Not too mention that it's probably the easiest solution. No need to worry about lunch boxes/tupperware and that stuff being returned to her house.
I dont think the op has an issue with the money, it is the double standard from BM.
to the OP - unfortunately you can't change BM and in the grand scheme of things it really isn't a big deal. The lesson here is to just pay the money and let it go.