s/o nurses and birth plans

wifeofadam · December 2012

We were talking last week about that article in which the nurses were criticizing women's birth plans.

Well, my BFF (who is a doula) called me this morning to tell me that while she was at a birth last night she went to the nurse's station to get a bedpan for her client who was feeling sick and she caught a group of 5-6 nurses standing around and laughing at her client's birth plan. BFF is close with one of the nurses, so she asked her why they were laughing and the nurse said, "Come on, you know this is ridiculous. No cervical checks? How can we take care of her if we can't check her cervix?"

BFF was irate.

Why even waste your time with a written birth plan? If I ever give birth in a hospital again I'm just going to tell them my wishes and not give them the opportunity to mock me behind my back.

tokenhoser · December 2012

I don't really give a crap if they mock me behind my back, as long as they do their job. My L&D nurse was nothing special. I didn't care. I didn't need her to really do anything but stay out of my way.

My written birth plan was mostly a tool to get DH, my doula, and my doctor aware of my wishes. I actually don't think the nurses ever got one. I strive to spend as little time at the hospital as I can.

sschwege · December 2012

That really is disheartening to hear. My SIL sometimes tells me things she sees on birth plans that in her mind is ridiculous, so I know it goes on.

As far as wasting your time, I think it really depends on the hospital. My hospital is well known for being low-intervention, so I think they are quite used to birth plans and it's hard to imagine much would surprise or amuse them. I think the hard thing at least for me about telling them my wishes is that since I labor at home until late in the game I am in no mood to discuss anything with anyone. I had to answer two simple questions in triage and even that seemed to take a lot of effort.

iris427 · December 2012

Ugh. I managed to give birth to my second kid without anyone sticking their hand up my vag at all.

The nurses I had for my first delivery were incredibly supportive of my natural birth plans, and tried to help me make the best of things even when plans changed. I didn't have a written birth plan and maybe they were laughing at me in the hall, but I felt like they were on my side. One of them even got yelled at by my doctor for trying to help me (grr).

I do think written birth plans can come across as unnecessarily adversarial at times. They definitely don't replace actual conversation with your care providers about what you want and what they can do to help you achieve your goal. When possible, it should be a team effort, not confrontational. We also have to remember that sometimes our NB requests can put doctors and nurses in a bad position with their colleagues and supervisors, and we need to understand that their hands can be tied too. A nurse who doesn't perform any cervical checks may get into trouble at work, or an OB who lets you eat in labor may run into problems with the anesthesia docs.

wifeofadam · December 2012

iris427:
Ugh. I managed to give birth to my second kid without anyone sticking their hand up my vag at all.
The nurses I had for my first delivery were incredibly supportive of my natural birth plans, and tried to help me make the best of things even when plans changed. I didn't have a written birth plan and maybe they were laughing at me in the hall, but I felt like they were on my side. One of them even got yelled at by my doctor for trying to help me (grr).
I do think written birth plans can come across as unnecessarily adversarial at times. They definitely don't replace actual conversation with your care providers about what you want and what they can do to help you achieve your goal. When possible, it should be a team effort, not confrontational. We also have to remember that sometimes our NB requests can put doctors and nurses in a bad position with their colleagues and supervisors, and we need to understand that their hands can be tied too. A nurse who doesn't perform any cervical checks may get into trouble at work, or an OB who lets you eat in labor may run into problems with the anesthesia docs.

I agree with all of this.

And FTR, I gave birth to #3 without having a hand up my vag either. It IS possible. Maybe if we started training nurses (and doctors) in the many ways that they can assess birth progress without doing cervical checks, we would be better off. The body does give off natural signs.

Anyways, your last paragraph is why I mentioned that if I gave birth in the hospital I wouldn't write anything down. It seems like getting a long list of wishes at once can seem overwhelming and like you're asking for a lot. If you just handle things one at a time, I think people view it as a little more reasonable.

I had a written plan between my doula, DH and I that I had discussed with my MW with #2, but I never handed it to the nurses when I arrived at the hospital. I took it one thing at a time. When they told me they wanted to do the IV I just said that I didn't want one and they needed to discuss it with my MW. So they asked her and came back saying it was fine. When they wanted to break my water I told them I didn't want to and to discuss it with my MW. So they asked her and came back saying it was fine. It seemed to work well and all of my wishes seemed to be respected (at least to my face). They may have been laughing at me at the nurse's station for all I know, but whatever. My nurse was a %^&* anyways and I'm kind of glad that my water broke all over her while I was pushing Wink

sschwege · December 2012

iris427:
Ugh. I managed to give birth to my second kid without anyone sticking their hand up my vag at all.
The nurses I had for my first delivery were incredibly supportive of my natural birth plans, and tried to help me make the best of things even when plans changed. I didn't have a written birth plan and maybe they were laughing at me in the hall, but I felt like they were on my side. One of them even got yelled at by my doctor for trying to help me (grr).
I do think written birth plans can come across as unnecessarily adversarial at times. They definitely don't replace actual conversation with your care providers about what you want and what they can do to help you achieve your goal. When possible, it should be a team effort, not confrontational. We also have to remember that sometimes our NB requests can put doctors and nurses in a bad position with their colleagues and supervisors, and we need to understand that their hands can be tied too. A nurse who doesn't perform any cervical checks may get into trouble at work, or an OB who lets you eat in labor may run into problems with the anesthesia docs.

I agree that sometimes the requests can be considered detrimental. One of the requests my SIL who is a pedi was complaining about was a woman who said, "If resuscitation of newborn is necessary please perform it while baby is on my chest." The best way to resuscitate anyone is on a firm surface and what makes you think a doctor could be as effective if they have to reach over you to get to the baby? If my child's heart had stopped, the last thing from my mind would be skin to skin contact.

meltoine · December 2012

I think the really sad part is that the nurses were never taught how to evaluate progress outside of cervical checks. I can't blame them too much since they don't know any better.

Imagine someone told you they were moving. You ask them where. They say, "Oh I know. Maybe Mars." Well, as far as you know, Mars is uninhabitable. You'd probably mock them too.

oliversmommy32912 · December 2012

Sometimes you aren't coherent enough to have a conversation with your nurses. That's when I think a birth plan can come in handy. I was in transition when I arrived at the hospital. My went pretty quickly so my doula almost didn't make it. The birth stuff didn't matter because the baby was coming out and quite frankly at that point I didn't care what they did to me. The birth plan was awesome because it told them what I did and didn't want as far as newborn stuff was concerned. For example I didn't want them to rub off the vernix. That's something they would normally have done without asking me and my husband wasn't going to remember to tell them not to. I had a conversation with my midwife beforehand but she was not the midwife that attended my birth so that wasn't going to help me any. So in my case I was glad I made a birth plan. I don't care what they thought of it. I think the ideal situation if you have time would be to have a plan and to have conversations.

Eta sorry if this is a jumbled mess. On my phone and my keyboard is in revolt.

DesignsOnYou · December 2012

I've never seen a hospital birth plan but my birth center offers one that is very general like,

"Would you like to use a mirror during pushing?"

"Would you like one of the assistants to take pictures immediately after birth?"

"Do you have a hospital preference in case of transfer?"

I have heard stories of some unbelievably detailed, long and usually unrealistic hospital birth plans.

It's just a fact that doctors, hospitals and nurses HAVE to follow protocols when it comes to the business of birthing babies because at the end of the day, they will pay the price if something goes wrong.

If I was a doctor or a nurse with a patient that believed they could tell me what I could and could not do because of their "birth plan," I'd probably laugh too.

It's the reality of the litigious society we live in with some who won't accept personal responsibility for their choices.

If baby or mom dies / is injured, will the family own up it was their mistake for refusing to follow procedures or will the doc / nurse / hospital get their pants sued off?

All that being said, there's a reason I would never birth in a hospital by choice barring some medical emergency.

wifeofadam · December 2012

DesignsOnYou:
I've never seen a hospital birth plan but my birth center offers one that is very general like,
"Would you like to use a mirror during pushing?"
"Would you like one of the assistants to take pictures immediately after birth?"
"Do you have a hospital preference in case of transfer?"
I have heard stories of some unbelievably detailed, long and usually unrealistic hospital birth plans.
It's just a fact that doctors, hospitals and nurses HAVE to follow protocols when it comes to the business of birthing babies because at the end of the day, they will pay the price if something goes wrong.
If I was a doctor or a nurse with a patient that believed they could tell me what I could and could not do because of their "birth plan," I'd probably laugh too.
It's the reality of the litigious society we live in with some who won't accept personal responsibility for their choices.
If baby or mom dies / is injured, will the family own up it was their mistake for refusing to follow procedures or will the doc / nurse / hospital get their pants sued off?
All that being said, there's a reason I would never birth in a hospital by choice barring some medical emergency.

This is where I am. And my reasoning is because I want things to happen the way I want them to. I realize that I give up some level of control when I set foot in a hospital.

That was one of the nurse's responses to my BFF. She said, "Why wouldn't she just birth at home if she doesn't want X, Y, and Z?" The problem is that we don't live in a homebirth friendly area. I have to drive over an hour and a half to my prenatals. We don't even have MWs left in the hospitals and there are no freestanding birth centers within two hours. This client of my BFF was deemed high risk because of borderline GD results, so she was even further limited in her choices.

It just stinks that there can't be some balance for those people that don't have a lot of options. Yes, there are certain protocols that are reasonable - like intermittent monitoring. I'm sure some people write "no monitoring" on their birth plans and that is obviously unreasonable. The nurses need to monitor the baby just like my HBMWs randomly check my baby with the doppler during labor and delivery. I get why some things get eye rolls from nurses.

But I don't think asking to delay cord clamping, wanting to dim the lights, not wanting a routine episiotomy, wanting to delay newborn procedures, wanting to get into the shower or tub, requesting that people not offer pain meds or discuss cervical progress - or whatever else someone might include in a low-intervention, med-free birth plan is too unreasonable and worthy of mocking from nurses. Just because a woman doesn't want the routine epidural, pitocin, AROM, guided pushing kind of birth doesn't mean she's being unreasonable or high maintenance. Ultimately, the woman in labor is the patient and she should have some level of control over what happens to her body. When I go to the hospital for anything else non-emergent like this and my doctor comes in to discuss what is happening to me I am given options and control over what I would like the outcome to be. Why should birth be any different? Especially if I sign a million waivers saying that I can't sue for refusing normal protocol.

NoeliaV · December 2012

A couple things from our hospital, natural birth experience:
1) We didn't even have time to get out our birth plan and give it to the nurses. DH just told them that we didn't want to hear any mention of drugs and that was it. We didn't even really realize that we didn't share our birth plan with the nurses until we were getting ready to leave the hospital. That said, our dr's and MWs were 100% on board with, and well aware of, our plan/preferences.

2) We had one sh*tty nurse. She told me to be quiet during my contractions, and basically committed murder on my arms placing the hep loc. Seriously, Baby Girl is 2 weeks old and the bruises are just now faded enough that it doesn't look like someone beat me. DH said that he overheard her saying to the other nurses that there was no way that I would make it without the drugs.

That said, our other nurses were rock stars. I loved them and am so grateful that they worked with me to make our natural birth happen.

Hyaline · December 2012

In the nurse's defense, I imagine that with their training and the usual protocol in their field, the request was like going to your hairstylist and asking them to please cut your hair but don't use scissors.

That said, no patient should feel ridiculed or mocked for their choices and requests. I'm guessing they were just blowing off steam like we all do at work sometimes, but IMO it crosses a line when you're ridiculing a patient who you should be working with, not working against.

My hospital was very supportive of med-free birth, and we had mostly great nurses (the one who encouraged me to keep my voice low during my third hour of transition almost got a bedpan to the head). I didn't feel the need for a birth plan, except as a springboard for conversation with DH and my MW. I guess I figure if you feel the need for a very detailed birth plan, it might be a sign that your choice of place to birth might not be supportive of your wishes.

Minipenguin · December 2012

Okay, I didn't even know the nurses did cervical checks and broke your water. I just assumed the MW/OB would do that. Why do people go to 9 months of pre-natal appointments with their OB/MW if the nurses just do everything, anyway? What's the point in developing a relationship with them? I mean that from a typical birth point-of-view, obviously the women on this board are hoping for a different experience than the typical hospital birth.

Stuff like this just makes not even want a nurse. I feel like the nurses work for the hospital, whereas my MW works for me, kwim? They're not my care provider, I don't feel obligated to tell them what my choices are, let alone defend them. My BC is in a hospital and I love my MWs but each time I've been to the BC, the nurses have seemed very self-righteous and pushy. I wonder if I can get rid of them. Maybe I can just ask for my MW every time they try to do something.

ohdrama09 · December 2012

+adamwife+:
DesignsOnYou:
I've never seen a hospital birth plan but my birth center offers one that is very general like,
"Would you like to use a mirror during pushing?"
"Would you like one of the assistants to take pictures immediately after birth?"
"Do you have a hospital preference in case of transfer?"
I have heard stories of some unbelievably detailed, long and usually unrealistic hospital birth plans.
It's just a fact that doctors, hospitals and nurses HAVE to follow protocols when it comes to the business of birthing babies because at the end of the day, they will pay the price if something goes wrong.
If I was a doctor or a nurse with a patient that believed they could tell me what I could and could not do because of their "birth plan," I'd probably laugh too.
It's the reality of the litigious society we live in with some who won't accept personal responsibility for their choices.
If baby or mom dies / is injured, will the family own up it was their mistake for refusing to follow procedures or will the doc / nurse / hospital get their pants sued off?
All that being said, there's a reason I would never birth in a hospital by choice barring some medical emergency.
This is where I am. And my reasoning is because I want things to happen the way I want them to. I realize that I give up some level of control when I set foot in a hospital.
That was one of the nurse's responses to my BFF. She said, "Why wouldn't she just birth at home if she doesn't want X, Y, and Z?" The problem is that we don't live in a homebirth friendly area. I have to drive over an hour and a half to my prenatals. We don't even have MWs left in the hospitals and there are no freestanding birth centers within two hours. This client of my BFF was deemed high risk because of borderline GD results, so she was even further limited in her choices.
It just stinks that there can't be some balance for those people that don't have a lot of options. Yes, there are certain protocols that are reasonable - like intermittent monitoring. I'm sure some people write "no monitoring" on their birth plans and that is obviously unreasonable. The nurses need to monitor the baby just like my HBMWs randomly check my baby with the doppler during labor and delivery. I get why some things get eye rolls from nurses.
But I don't think asking to delay cord clamping, wanting to dim the lights, not wanting a routine episiotomy, wanting to delay newborn procedures, wanting to get into the shower or tub, requesting that people not offer pain meds or discuss cervical progress - or whatever else someone might include in a low-intervention, med-free birth plan is too unreasonable and worthy of mocking from nurses. Just because a woman doesn't want the routine epidural, pitocin, AROM, guided pushing kind of birth doesn't mean she's being unreasonable or high maintenance. Ultimately, the woman in labor is the patient and she should have some level of control over what happens to her body. When I go to the hospital for anything else non-emergent like this and my doctor comes in to discuss what is happening to me I am given options and control over what I would like the outcome to be. Why should birth be any different? Especially if I sign a million waivers saying that I can't sue for refusing normal protocol.

My area has under the grid MWs and HBs because of state laws. I lucked out that a MW happens to be in the same town I am. There are no birth centers within two hours of us. My MW said it's not legal in our state.

My sister is having her baby any time now. She has a natural birth plan and will have the baby in the hospital. So far her MW seems on board with it. Here's to hoping the nurses aren't crappy.

lylahlove · December 2012

I had a wonderful nurse - she asked for my birth plan, and even though I was an induction with pit, she made a big effort to help me avoid further interventions. Even so, one of the main points on my list (it was a short list) was to allow me to push in whatever position felt natural - my OB was on board with that - but I started pushing before my OB got there and my nurse forced me to lay back and put my legs up. It felt so unnatural - my body just wanted to squat and get my little guy out (he was only 6.15 with a giant cone head). I ended up tearing and I believe mainly because I was forced on my back.

I know it's hard to be trained and be able to follow certain protocol for 95% of your patients and then have a few mamas walk in, asking for a completely different experience. I get that. I just hope it changes soon. I won't be stepping foot in a hospital again to give birth.

iris427 · December 2012

Minipenguin:
Okay, I didn't even know the nurses did cervical checks and broke your water. I just assumed the MW/OB would do that. Why do people go to 9 months of pre-natal appointments with their OB/MW if the nurses just do everything, anyway? What's the point in developing a relationship with them? I mean that from a typical birth point-of-view, obviously the women on this board are hoping for a different experience than the typical hospital birth.
Stuff like this just makes not even want a nurse. I feel like the nurses work for the hospital, whereas my MW works for me, kwim? They're not my care provider, I don't feel obligated to tell them what my choices are, let alone defend them. My BC is in a hospital and I love my MWs but each time I've been to the BC, the nurses have seemed very self-righteous and pushy. I wonder if I can get rid of them. Maybe I can just ask for my MW every time they try to do something.

The nurses don't do everything. They have a different role than the doctor/MW. I'm kind of puzzled by your attitude toward nurses here. Yes, there are some crappy ones, just like in every profession, but there are also some wonderful nurses who do everything they can to be there for the mom and help her have a positive healthy birth.

wifeofadam · December 2012

iris427:
Minipenguin:

Okay, I didn't even know the nurses did cervical checks and broke your water. I just assumed the MW/OB would do that. Why do people go to 9 months of pre-natal appointments with their OB/MW if the nurses just do everything, anyway? What's the point in developing a relationship with them? I mean that from a typical birth point-of-view, obviously the women on this board are hoping for a different experience than the typical hospital birth.

Stuff like this just makes not even want a nurse. I feel like the nurses work for the hospital, whereas my MW works for me, kwim? They're not my care provider, I don't feel obligated to tell them what my choices are, let alone defend them. My BC is in a hospital and I love my MWs but each time I've been to the BC, the nurses have seemed very self-righteous and pushy. I wonder if I can get rid of them. Maybe I can just ask for my MW every time they try to do something.

The nurses don't do everything. They have a different role than the doctor/MW. I'm kind of puzzled by your attitude toward nurses here. Yes, there are some crappy ones, just like in every profession, but there are also some wonderful nurses who do everything they can to be there for the mom and help her have a positive healthy birth.

I think past experiences can play a role.

It's the same with OBs. There are good ones and bad ones, but I've had some bad experiences with them that have sort of left me jaded and giving most of them the side-eye when I first meet them. My default feeling is to question their motives, even though I know that there are many that are great at what they do and support the mother's choice.

I had bad nurses with my first two births, so that too has left me jaded. And my kids' sitter, who is a nursing student that just finished her OB rounds, has told me too many stories. I know that there are good nurses, because my kids' sitter is a wonderful person and will make a great L&D nurse, but I think I default to not trusting them either.

I guess I understand the lack of trust and the negative attitude about them. I just pray that if I do have to end up at the hospital that I will get one of the good ones.

RMama2012 · December 2012

I didn?t write a birth plan but I do wish I was more pushy about the things I wanted. Specifically, getting a Heplock, intermittent monitoring, and pushing in a different position. Honestly, part of me was scared that I would push for these things only to end up with an EPI.

The monitoring ended up being a point of strain as the nurses kept coming in the adjust it. Then when they got tired of seeing it go off from their station, they asked if I would stand during my contractions (I was squatting). Seriously??? I laughed and said I would sleep through them If I could but that wasn?t an option. Then I was nice enough to say I would try and I did for ? a contraction. A while later I was asked again to stand and I just said NO. The nurse walked out and not one nurse returned until around 9cm (few hrs later). It?s definitely a pressure from peers/supervisors because one nurse admitted to me that she was training to become a midwife so she ?gets what I am doing? and kind of rolled her eyes. Yet she was asking me to stay in a particular position anyway.

I like my OB but when I get pregnant again we?re going to have a long talk about these things before I decide to stay with him or look for a midwife.

RayRay007 · December 2012

That's sad that nurses don't think they can do their job without cervical checks. We need to do better at educating nurses (and doctors for that matter).

I can understand why nurses don't like birth "plans". They are usually written in absolutes and handed over like a list of demands. I like to call them preferences and as iris said, nothing replaces having a conversation with your care provider and making sure you're on the same page.

pantherRN · December 2012

Minipenguin:
Stuff like this just makes not even want a nurse. I feel like the nurses work for the hospital, whereas my MW works for me, kwim? They're not my care provider, I don't feel obligated to tell them what my choices are, let alone defend them. My BC is in a hospital and I love my MWs but each time I've been to the BC, the nurses have seemed very self-righteous and pushy. I wonder if I can get rid of them. Maybe I can just ask for my MW every time they try to do something.

I find your attitude towards nurses abhorrent. If this is truly how you feel, you have little understanding of the nursing profession and why we do what we do.

I think in a lot of this discussion of birth plans and "good" nurses, there are a few things that are missed. The first is that we have a job to do and a license to protect. If, god forbid, something were to happen and you didn't have IV access or I didn't what the baby's heart rate was, I am going to get reamed to shreds by a physician, my unit director, my peers, and probably a lot of other people. It probably wouldn't matter if you didn't want it and I knew that, I'm going to be the one that fingers are pointed at. I'm the one who's license could be suspended. We take on a lot of blame as nurses when something isn't right. A lot of nurses aren't comfortable with that, please understand that when you request something unusual or that goes against hospital policy we can be put in a tough place. Most nurses will do their best to accommodate requests and discuss how a birth plan can work for everyone, but it's difficult sometimes.

As far as teaching nurses how to evaluate progress without cervical checks, we do learn that in school. We know what transition looks like. However, numbers are what speak in medicine, in the hospital, and unfortunately, in court.

A lot of what this boils down to is that we have a license, a reputation, and a patient to protect. Sometimes my license has to come first. I'm very sorry that is this way, believe me. But a description of what you in transition looks like is not going to stand up in court. What will stand up is my charting and having "8cm" and whatever station documented. Does this make sense? It's sad that this is how medicine, and obstetrics especially, practices these days.

I'm sorry this got long and I hope I explained myself well. I am all for med free birthing and wish more women would consider it, but I just want people to understand how some requests put us is a tough place. No patient should ever feel ridiculed or made fun of, and I am sorry that this happened.

I know you all don't know me, but I'm just a few weeks pregnant and I hope to spend more time on this board.

jellybeanjean · December 2012

iris427:
Minipenguin:
Okay, I didn't even know the nurses did cervical checks and broke your water. I just assumed the MW/OB would do that. Why do people go to 9 months of pre-natal appointments with their OB/MW if the nurses just do everything, anyway? What's the point in developing a relationship with them? I mean that from a typical birth point-of-view, obviously the women on this board are hoping for a different experience than the typical hospital birth.
Stuff like this just makes not even want a nurse. I feel like the nurses work for the hospital, whereas my MW works for me, kwim? They're not my care provider, I don't feel obligated to tell them what my choices are, let alone defend them. My BC is in a hospital and I love my MWs but each time I've been to the BC, the nurses have seemed very self-righteous and pushy. I wonder if I can get rid of them. Maybe I can just ask for my MW every time they try to do something.
The nurses don't do everything. They have a different role than the doctor/MW. I'm kind of puzzled by your attitude toward nurses here. Yes, there are some crappy ones, just like in every profession, but there are also some wonderful nurses who do everything they can to be there for the mom and help her have a positive healthy birth.

From a L&D RN, thank you. Truly. I hate nurse bashing. Sure, there are tons of bad ones. I work with a few. But you'd hate it too if your profession was bashed as a sweeping generality.

FWIW, I work at a large, busy, "medicalized" hospital. Routine natural birth requests as mentioned above are not mocked, even by the most cynical RNs. Stuff like "resuscitation on my chest" is, because it shows obvious ignorance of the critical nature of a truly bad scenario. Just like some RNs are woefully ignorant of natural birth and things that go along with it, some patients are woefully ignorant in a true emergency. Point in case: had a 25wker sectioned the other day, and the dad was all excited to go in the OR...had his camera ready for "when I get to hold the baby and take pictures of her". This baby did not end up surviving.

I think there's just a ton of education that needs to be done. You can certainly have a natural birth in the hospital setting (I've been on both ends of them). If you run into an ignorant RN, either ask for a new one or try to educate her. RNs do plenty of educating of patients (especially in an emergency/high risk situation); there's no reason it can't go the other way if you feel like your wishes are not being taken seriously.

Also, please try to remember that I have a very hard-won license on the line. There are some things that I just can't do. I will fight for you to have the birth you want as far and as long as you want me to...but it's not an exaggeration to say that there are things that I could be asked to do that could truly result in my loss of job and/or license.

Lastly -- the majority of the time I check my patients, it is at *their* request when I cannot talk them out of it. I realize that these sort of patients are not the ones who traditionally are seeking to go med-free, but it's not like RNs are -- for the most part -- going around checking every patient every hour. There's really nothing in it for us.

Amanda&EricB · December 2012

I had such an amazing experience that it makes me sad to read some of these stories. My nurse was so incredibly supportive of my wishes, and when I didn't understand something, she never made me feel dumb or like I was wasting her time. I wish I could have just seen her for all my prenatal visits. Haha.

Also, I think attitude has a lot to do with it. I didn't go in to the hospital with a chip on my shoulder. I knew what I was there to do, and I knew those people had a job to do. I was cooperative but inquisitive.

Like was mentioned above, nurses have a lot on the line. A decent MW would too. There are some things that just aren't safe and aren't worth the risk.

I do feel that it's important to try and get the birth experience you want, though.

RMama2012 · December 2012

Amanda&EricB:

Also, I think attitude has a lot to do with it. I didn't go in to the hospital with a chip on my shoulder. I knew what I was there to do, and I knew those people had a job to do. I was cooperative but inquisitive.

I

RMama2012 · December 2012

ignore.

LPNMOMMYTORRE · December 2012

Not all nurses/hospitals are like this. The hospital I did my nursing clinicals in was HORRID. The nurses blatantly made fun of and ignored the birth plans. It was gross. I think one page of simple and most important things listed are GREAT. Being generally reasonable as mentioned helps too. At the end of the day, you can request a nurse who enjoys natural birth when you arrive (I did this with my first and got a wonderful nurse who LOVED NCB) I ended up having an epidural and she helped me have the most natural experience possible WITH an epidural (if there is such a thing, I walked, moved, and changed positions with mine). You can also ask that a certain nurse be excused from your birth (YES you CAN do that).

At the end of the day, as long as the birth goes as planned for you, who cares what they think of you? KWIM?

Oh and as mentioned by the other nurses, we DO have a license to worry about and cervical checks can be refused and minimized but to go to a hospital and expect not one cervical check is a little unreasonable. It IS a medical facility. They have a job to do and guidelines they have to adhere to. Its kind of like give and take, make sure the MOST important things to you are clearly outlined and be a little flexible.

luvmyducks · December 2012

Minipenguin:
Okay, I didn't even know the nurses did cervical checks and broke your water. I just assumed the MW/OB would do that. Why do people go to 9 months of pre-natal appointments with their OB/MW if the nurses just do everything, anyway? What's the point in developing a relationship with them? I mean that from a typical birth point-of-view, obviously the women on this board are hoping for a different experience than the typical hospital birth.
Stuff like this just makes not even want a nurse. I feel like the nurses work for the hospital, whereas my MW works for me, kwim? They're not my care provider, I don't feel obligated to tell them what my choices are, let alone defend them. My BC is in a hospital and I love my MWs but each time I've been to the BC, the nurses have seemed very self-righteous and pushy. I wonder if I can get rid of them. Maybe I can just ask for my MW every time they try to do something.

My nurses were awesome. My hospital was very natural birth friendly though. I think I only had one cervical check by a nurse--the rest was by my OB. And my OB broke my water.

ETA: Oh and I had a short bulleted to the point birth plan for the hospital staff (a more detailed one to my OB when I was about 30w pg). I felt like they respected my wishes and I don't feel like I was being ridiculed. But I have no idea what was going on outside of my room. But I don't really care either. My birth was mostly how I wanted it. The parts that weren't had nothing to do with the hospital staff.

sthomas1222 · December 2012

Our Bradley instructor gave us many examples of birth plans to help us write our own. Almost everyone chose the one titled "Birth Preferences" to get us started. And one of the speakers we had said their doctor really appreciated the preferences part b/c a plan implies unbending/unyielding. And I loved the ending to our plan

"We have confidence in both the natural process of birth and the highly trained staff at _____. We understand that should complications arise, the safety of mother and baby are the first priority, and we will certainly be flexible with our plan. We appreciate you taking the time to discuss our options with us before deciding together on the best course of action. Thank you for your support and for partnering with us in making any decisions during the birthing process."

Oh and the instructor highly recommended keeping it to 1 page if you could. When I gave mine to my doctor I didn't even have to ask, she offered to scan it in to my record. And if anyone wants to mock it they can suck my big toe...

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s/o nurses and birth plans

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