I text BM this morning

Phantomgirl · December 2012

Its DH Christmas Party Friday night and we are both going.

I will collect SS on Saturday (instead of Friday) BUT I have a couple of things to do that day so I'll collect him in the afternoon and we will keep him until Monday night (we have him EVERY Christmas eve and BM has him EVERY Christmas day).

When BM texts me she ALWAYS words her text to pretty much tell what I am doing. Never 'could you' or 'would you'.

So I worded it...

Hi BM, DH has his Xmas party on Friday night so we wont be able to collect SS. I will collect him on Saturday afternoon and drop him home Monday evening. Thanks!

That was 7 hours ago and still no reply. I guess BM does not like being TOLD what the plan is.

I guess BM does not like to be 'told' when her plans change.

mom2one · December 2012

Ha ha...maybe she will be more polite next time. As a side note, I love how you say "collect" your SS.

morayme1 · December 2012

If it's your day to pick the child up, you should be picking the child up. A party doesn't change that it is the fathers turn to parent. Either bring the child to the party or get a babysitter. Or realize that maybe you have to miss the party. You don't change the schedule last minute.

SimpleJane · December 2012

morayme1:
If it's your day to pick the child up, you should be picking the child up. A party doesn't change that it is the fathers turn to parent. Either bring the child to the party or get a babysitter. Or realize that maybe you have to miss the party. You don't change the schedule last minute.

Meh, I think this depends. If one of us has something like a Christmas party or family event we often move things around a little for eachother. I'd rather have the other parent spend time with the child then get a sitter.

However, I think if you want BM to keep SS an extra night so you guys can do something, you should politely ask, not tell. I get that she's rude to you, but why stoop to that level yourself?

morayme1 · December 2012

SimpleJane:
morayme1:
If it's your day to pick the child up, you should be picking the child up. A party doesn't change that it is the fathers turn to parent. Either bring the child to the party or get a babysitter. Or realize that maybe you have to miss the party. You don't change the schedule last minute.
Meh, I think this depends. If one of us has something like a Christmas party or family event we often move things around a little for eachother. I'd rather have the other parent spend time with the child then get a sitter. However, I think if you want BM to keep SS an extra night so you guys can do something, you should politely ask, not tell. I get that she's rude to you, but why stoop to that level yourself?

And more notice shoould be given if you want to make a change.

cole2144 · December 2012

If there is anything I have learned, it is just because BM acts badly does not mean we should lower ourselves to her level. If it is your husband`s day he should offer her the time but if not it is his job to find a sitter. We would never expect BM to take SD on our day because we have plans. We find a sitter or we do not go.

But I do understand wanting her to see how it feels.

mom2one · December 2012

morayme1:
SimpleJane:
morayme1:
If it's your day to pick the child up, you should be picking the child up. A party doesn't change that it is the fathers turn to parent. Either bring the child to the party or get a babysitter. Or realize that maybe you have to miss the party. You don't change the schedule last minute.
Meh, I think this depends. If one of us has something like a Christmas party or family event we often move things around a little for eachother. I'd rather have the other parent spend time with the child then get a sitter. However, I think if you want BM to keep SS an extra night so you guys can do something, you should politely ask, not tell. I get that she's rude to you, but why stoop to that level yourself?
And more notice shoould be given if you want to make a change.

I think it depends. If their schedule is fairly fluid then I think it's not a big deal. It's only Tuesday. I think that BM in their case often changes plans last minute on them too and they roll with it. Ex and I move stuff around or take a couple of hour here and there if something comes up.

Phantomgirl · December 2012

dbliesmer:
morayme1:
If it's your day to pick the child up, you should be picking the child up. A party doesn't change that it is the fathers turn to parent. Either bring the child to the party or get a babysitter. Or realize that maybe you have to miss the party. You don't change the schedule last minute.
I sort of agree with this. Even if we are not spending the night with SD I would still pick her up as scheduled and find my own babysitter. OR make arrangements with BM before hand. I don't know the whole back story here, so maybe I'm missing a piece of information that's vital to this situation.
If it were me, I would appreciate the open communication and asking if I would keep SD longer than the regular schedule due to BM going to a party.

The piece of imformation that is vital to THIS story is that this is how BM speaks to me 24/7. Last Saturday was her Christmas party and this is how she handled it except she only gave me 24 hours notice. I replied with 'OK no prob' despite the fact that I had things to do. She also sent a message with SS that he was not to come home early on Sunday.

This is simply a taste of her own medicine.

She also TOLD me at the door last Sunday that she has a wedding on New Years eve so SS will be with us. It is her year. I am fine with that also BUT again it would be nice to be asked if I have plans.

Also if DH and I have plans SS stays with her and if she has plans SS stays with us. We live close enough to have that arrangement so that is not the issue, that is the standard.

I could have text and asked her nicely IF she could keep him (as I always do) BUT I am sick of asking and being told. It has created a boss / employee relationship between us where she always has the say and I always do what I am told.

Thus this is kinda just standing up for myself.

cole2144 · December 2012

Phantomgirl:
dbliesmer:
morayme1:
If it's your day to pick the child up, you should be picking the child up. A party doesn't change that it is the fathers turn to parent. Either bring the child to the party or get a babysitter. Or realize that maybe you have to miss the party. You don't change the schedule last minute.
I sort of agree with this. Even if we are not spending the night with SD I would still pick her up as scheduled and find my own babysitter. OR make arrangements with BM before hand. I don't know the whole back story here, so maybe I'm missing a piece of information that's vital to this situation.
If it were me, I would appreciate the open communication and asking if I would keep SD longer than the regular schedule due to BM going to a party.
The piece of imformation that is vital to THIS story is that this is how BM speaks to me 24/7. Last Saturday was her Christmas party and this is how she handled it except she only gave me 24 hours notice. I replied with 'OK no prob' despite the fact that I had things to do. She also sent a message with SS that he was not to come home early on Sunday.
This is simply a taste of her own medicine.
She also TOLD me at the door last Sunday that she has a wedding on New Years eve so SS will be with us. It is her year. I am fine with that also BUT again it would be nice to be asked if I have plans.
Also if DH and I have plans SS stays with her and if she has plans SS stays with us. We live close enough to have that arrangement so that is not the issue, that is the standard.
I could have text and asked her nicely IF she could keep him (as I always do) BUT I am sick of asking and being told. It has created a boss / employee relationship between us where she always has the say and I always do what I am told.
Thus this is kinda just standing up for myself.

If you have plans tell her no, it is her job to work it out. Take him if you can but if you are busy and it is her time, she will have to deal.

morayme1 · December 2012

You aren't really standing up for anything though, you are just being passive aggressive, creating a vicious cycle, and giving BM validation that her behavior is acceptable because you guys do the same things.

morayme1 · December 2012

MelRC117:
morayme1:
If it's your day to pick the child up, you should be picking the child up. A party doesn't change that it is the fathers turn to parent. Either bring the child to the party or get a babysitter. Or realize that maybe you have to miss the party. You don't change the schedule last minute.
::eyeroll:: I think you are taking yourself way too seriously with that comment.

Oh. I was wondering what you thought. *double eye roll*

morayme1 · December 2012

MelRC117:
morayme1:
MelRC117:
morayme1:
If it's your day to pick the child up, you should be picking the child up. A party doesn't change that it is the fathers turn to parent. Either bring the child to the party or get a babysitter. Or realize that maybe you have to miss the party. You don't change the schedule last minute.
::eyeroll:: I think you are taking yourself way too seriously with that comment.
Oh. I was wondering what you thought. *double eye roll*
You must be the perfect parent based on some of your other posts.

I'm content and secure in my choices, yes.

Littlejen22 · December 2012

morayme1:
You aren't really standing up for anything though, you are just being passive aggressive, creating a vicious cycle, and giving BMnbsp;validation that her behavior is acceptable because you guys do the same things. nbsp;

Who are you? You are making a lot of assumptions about someone you do not know and a poster that has been around long enough to not need to give background info.

Also, while not the case here some people have right of first refusal so getting a babysitter is not always the first answer. Also you have no idea how old the kid is so assuming a babysitter is not always right but not wanting a kid to stay home alone is not a wrong decision either. Ask questions before assumptions.

morayme1 · December 2012

Littlejen22:
morayme1:
You aren't really standing up for anything though, you are just being passive aggressive, creating a vicious cycle, and giving BMnbsp;validation that her behavior is acceptable because you guys do the same things. nbsp;
Who are you? You are making a lot of assumptions about someone you do not know and a poster that has been around long enough to not need to give background info. Also, while not the case here some people have right of first refusal so getting a babysitter is not always the first answer. Also you have no idea how old the kid is so assuming a babysitter is not always right but not wanting a kid to stay home alone is not a wrong decision either. Ask questions before assumptions.

Right of first refusal usually pertains to overnights, not a party for a few hours.

morayme1 · December 2012

MelRC117:
morayme1:
Littlejen22:
morayme1:
You aren't really standing up for anything though, you are just being passive aggressive, creating a vicious cycle, and giving BMnbsp;validation that her behavior is acceptable because you guys do the same things. nbsp;
Who are you? You are making a lot of assumptions about someone you do not know and a poster that has been around long enough to not need to give background info. Also, while not the case here some people have right of first refusal so getting a babysitter is not always the first answer. Also you have no idea how old the kid is so assuming a babysitter is not always right but not wanting a kid to stay home alone is not a wrong decision either. Ask questions before assumptions.
Right of first refusal usually pertains to overnights, not a party for a few hours.
Uh, no, it pertains to a certain time period usually. I think someone around here has a right of first refusal for a 4 hours period.

Uh well thats ridiculous and not healthy for a child.

mom2one · December 2012

morayme1:
MelRC117:
morayme1:
Littlejen22:
morayme1:
You aren't really standing up for anything though, you are just being passive aggressive, creating a vicious cycle, and giving BMnbsp;validation that her behavior is acceptable because you guys do the same things. nbsp;
Who are you? You are making a lot of assumptions about someone you do not know and a poster that has been around long enough to not need to give background info. Also, while not the case here some people have right of first refusal so getting a babysitter is not always the first answer. Also you have no idea how old the kid is so assuming a babysitter is not always right but not wanting a kid to stay home alone is not a wrong decision either. Ask questions before assumptions.
Right of first refusal usually pertains to overnights, not a party for a few hours.
Uh, no, it pertains to a certain time period usually. I think someone around here has a right of first refusal for a 4 hours period.
Uh well thats ridiculous and not healthy for a child.

How is it ridiculous or unhealthy? lol.

morayme1 · December 2012

MelRC117:
morayme1:
MelRC117:
morayme1:
Littlejen22:
morayme1:
You aren't really standing up for anything though, you are just being passive aggressive, creating a vicious cycle, and giving BMnbsp;validation that her behavior is acceptable because you guys do the same things. nbsp;
Who are you? You are making a lot of assumptions about someone you do not know and a poster that has been around long enough to not need to give background info. Also, while not the case here some people have right of first refusal so getting a babysitter is not always the first answer. Also you have no idea how old the kid is so assuming a babysitter is not always right but not wanting a kid to stay home alone is not a wrong decision either. Ask questions before assumptions.
Right of first refusal usually pertains to overnights, not a party for a few hours.
Uh, no, it pertains to a certain time period usually. I think someone around here has a right of first refusal for a 4 hours period.
Uh well thats ridiculous and not healthy for a child.
Oh give me an effing break. Who the heck are you anyways? You apparently are the perfect parent, lawyer, and a child psychologist. Squeeeellll I can't wait to learn from you1!??!

You should probably start learning from someone.

morayme1 · December 2012

awwww snap. I suppose you think im going to get all butthurt over your comments?

You are a piece of trash. All your posts say "eff" in them and you are trying to be tough. Grow up baby.

morayme1 · December 2012

MelRC117:
morayme1:
awwww snap. I suppose you think im going to get all butthurt over your comments?

You are a piece of trash. All your posts say "eff" in them and you are trying to be tough. Grow up baby.
Bwhahahaha. You are going to be fun.  I hope you stick around.

I've been around for years darling.

Hopeforthebest · December 2012

morayme1:
MelRC117:

morayme1:
awwww snap. I suppose you think im going to get all butthurt over your comments? You are a piece of trash. All your posts say "eff" in them and you are trying to be tough. Grow up baby.

Bwhahahaha. You are going to be fun. I hope you stick around.
I've been around for years darling.

Mel you said "eff" once in the string so either you have a internet stalker (by this I mean she is reading all your old posts that may or may not have had eff in them) or ....she's just gonna be fun for the sake of interwebz.

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