Salt in my wounds...just a vent

femmepink · December 2012

So, I have a dangerous job and I've worked here for almost 7 years now. When I got pregnant they made accommodations for me and the job was pretty sweet. Unfortunately I was only in it for a short time.

Now I'm in the process of being moved out and back to my normal job...which is fine. I was planning on trying again soon and hopefully picking back up where I left off.

But here's the kicker. A girl I went to school with and don't get along with just transferred in and is KU. She's taking over my accommodated job. And she is prancing around here, happy as can be with her pregnant self. I just want to crawl into a hole.

Everything feels so out of control, and I feel like I just had salt majorly rubbed in my wounds. I'm sure she knows I just lost my baby, too. It's like she's saying, "look at me...the successful pregnant!". I just want to cry.

ETA: sorry guys I meant to post this on the miscarriage/loss board.

SarahDavis83 · December 2012

Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!

madasm0530 · December 2012

I am really sorry that you're going through this.

And, I just read your blog and got a little teary. I don't know exactly what you went through - but kind of. It's nice to read and see that someone had similar emotions as I did going through that.

Keep your head up, things will get better!

artistlife · December 2012

I am so sorry, Femme. I wish you weren't going through this. I think I would want to throat punch her, but all you can do is dream. Keep your chin up.

Adam&Eve2 · December 2012

SarahDavis83:
Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!

I've never had to suffer the loss of a m/c. But this statement seems a little passive aggressive to me. They just had babies...they get to be happy and show off those babies. Grow up.

OP, I'm so sorry! Is it possible to avoid this other girl at work? I hope it gets better for you soon! ~Huggiz~

madasm0530 · December 2012

Adam&Eve2:
SarahDavis83:
Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!
I've never had to suffer the loss of a m/c. But this statement seems a little passive aggressive to me. They just had babies...they get to be happy and show off those babies. Grow up.
OP, I'm so sorry! Is it possible to avoid this other girl at work? I hope it gets better for you soon! ~Huggiz~

And that is a little insensitive. If you haven't gone through it, you don't get to judge.

ETA: I agree with cruel that blocking people is the best route and the easiest way to deal if NB pics are upsetting

Erin90210girl · December 2012

SarahDavis83:
Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!

Miscarriages are hard and everyone deals with them differently, but it is unfair to say your cousins are " flaunting" their pictures of their babies. It is THEIR FB page and they have a right to post pictures of their children. I post pictures of my children and I am definitely not trying to flaunt it. They are a huge part of my life and I am not going to keep pictures of them off of it because someone might not like seeing them. If it is torture for you then hide them from your newsfeed. I am sure when your time comes (hopefully soon) you will be posting pictures as well.

Adam&Eve2 · December 2012

madasm0530:
Adam&Eve2:
SarahDavis83:
Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!
I've never had to suffer the loss of a m/c. But this statement seems a little passive aggressive to me. They just had babies...they get to be happy and show off those babies. Grow up.
OP, I'm so sorry! Is it possible to avoid this other girl at work? I hope it gets better for you soon! ~Huggiz~
And that is a little insensitive. If you haven't gone through it, you don't get to judge.
ETA: I agree with cruel that blocking people is the best route and the easiest way to deal if NB pics are upsetting

*eye roll*

SarahDavis83 · December 2012

Adam&Eve2:
SarahDavis83:

Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!

I've never had to suffer the loss of a m/c. But this statement seems a little passive aggressive to me. They just had babies...they get to be happy and show off those babies. Grow up.

OP, I'm so sorry! Is it possible to avoid this other girl at work? I hope it gets better for you soon! ~Huggiz~

Sorry if it came off passive aggressive. The problem with the internet is you have to assume how I would sound if I were saying that out loud. It was not meant to be a negative comment... Trust me, I'm swooning and commenting on every pic they post. But deep down it hurts to see it, I'm not going to lie.

Adam&Eve2 · December 2012

SarahDavis83:
Adam&Eve2:
SarahDavis83:

Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!

I've never had to suffer the loss of a m/c. But this statement seems a little passive aggressive to me. They just had babies...they get to be happy and show off those babies. Grow up.

OP, I'm so sorry! Is it possible to avoid this other girl at work? I hope it gets better for you soon! ~Huggiz~

Sorry if it came off passive aggressive. The problem with the internet is you have to assume how I would sound if I were saying that out loud. It was not meant to be a negative comment... Trust me, I'm swooning and commenting on every pic they post. But deep down it hurts to see it, I'm not going to lie.

I can understand that. But if it really hurts that much then filter the pics. You dont have to comment on all of them and have them as a constant reminder if you are not ready for that.

SarahDavis83 · December 2012

Wow, ya'll are reading way too much into what I said. Maybe flaunting was the wrong word. I have no problem with them posting them, I would too. But to someone who has just suffered a loss, sometimes it hurts to see, that's all. I want to see their babies, and they have every right to show them off.

SarahDavis83 · December 2012

krptcmschfmkr128:
SarahDavis83:
Adam&Eve2:
SarahDavis83:

Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!

I've never had to suffer the loss of a m/c. But this statement seems a little passive aggressive to me. They just had babies...they get to be happy and show off those babies. Grow up.

OP, I'm so sorry! Is it possible to avoid this other girl at work? I hope it gets better for you soon! ~Huggiz~

Sorry if it came off passive aggressive. The problem with the internet is you have to assume how I would sound if I were saying that out loud. It was not meant to be a negative comment... Trust me, I'm swooning and commenting on every pic they post. But deep down it hurts to see it, I'm not going to lie.

It sounds like your situation and the OPs are different, though. Your cousins aren't doing it to be mean, and you are genuinely happy for them. It sounds like the OP's co-worker might be acting like this on purpose.

That is very true, and a good point. It is not being purposely thrown in my face.

madasm0530 · December 2012

cruelsound:
In response to the whole, "If you haven't gone through it, you don't get to judge" part, I've said it before but I'm always amazed when people assume the know another person's story.

Not everyone puts their history in their Bump sig.

Well I clearly said this, but I never assume that I know what anybody is going through becuase, honestly, I don't!

femmepink · December 2012

krptcmschfmkr128:
SarahDavis83:
Adam&Eve2:
SarahDavis83:

Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!

I've never had to suffer the loss of a m/c. But this statement seems a little passive aggressive to me. They just had babies...they get to be happy and show off those babies. Grow up.

OP, I'm so sorry! Is it possible to avoid this other girl at work? I hope it gets better for you soon! ~Huggiz~

Sorry if it came off passive aggressive. The problem with the internet is you have to assume how I would sound if I were saying that out loud. It was not meant to be a negative comment... Trust me, I'm swooning and commenting on every pic they post. But deep down it hurts to see it, I'm not going to lie.
It sounds like your situation and the OPs are different, though. Your cousins aren't doing it to be mean, and you are genuinely happy for them. It sounds like the OP's co-worker might be acting like this on purpose.

Yeah, FB I can handle, but this chick is always over-the-top and I can't bear the thought that she's enjoying every second she bee-bops around here just because she knows how much my heart is breaking.

SarahDavis83 · December 2012

krptcmschfmkr128:
SarahDavis83:
krptcmschfmkr128:
SarahDavis83:
Adam&Eve2:
SarahDavis83:

Ugh, that sounds HORRIBLE! I feel for you... Had my m/c in October and have had two cousins since have their babies, and they are flaunting their newborn pics all over Facebook. Torture!

FX you'll have your own bump to flaunt soon!

I've never had to suffer the loss of a m/c. But this statement seems a little passive aggressive to me. They just had babies...they get to be happy and show off those babies. Grow up.

OP, I'm so sorry! Is it possible to avoid this other girl at work? I hope it gets better for you soon! ~Huggiz~

Sorry if it came off passive aggressive. The problem with the internet is you have to assume how I would sound if I were saying that out loud. It was not meant to be a negative comment... Trust me, I'm swooning and commenting on every pic they post. But deep down it hurts to see it, I'm not going to lie.

It sounds like your situation and the OPs are different, though. Your cousins aren't doing it to be mean, and you are genuinely happy for them. It sounds like the OP's co-worker might be acting like this on purpose.

That is very true, and a good point. It is not being purposely thrown in my face.

I just wanted to add I don't mean to sound like your loss is any less sad, just that the situation seems slightly different. Sorry for both of your losses.

No, you are right, it is different. I mean, ultimately I have the choice not to look at it (which is hard because they're my family). I can't imagine it being thrown in my face like that.

Femme, so sorry for your loss. Hoping you can find a way to avoid that girl!

Adam&Eve2 · December 2012

cruelsound:
In response to the whole, "If you haven't gone through it, you don't get to judge" part, I've said it before but I'm always amazed when people assume the know another person's story.

Not everyone puts their history in their Bump sig.

I did say that I have never been through it, and I haven't. And I hope I never do. But I do have a friend that has had a couple m/c's and I was there for her as much as I could be. So even though I don't know what its like personally, I have seen what they do to someone.

And having a DD puts into perspective for me. I have been pregnant and just the thought of loosing that pregnancy gives me a hint of an idea of what it would feel like.

None of this is directed at you Cruel. It is my long winded way of agreeing with you.

madasm0530 · December 2012

Adam&Eve2:
cruelsound:
In response to the whole, "If you haven't gone through it, you don't get to judge" part, I've said it before but I'm always amazed when people assume the know another person's story.

Not everyone puts their history in their Bump sig.
I did say that I have never been through it, and I haven't. And I hope I never do. But I do have a friend that has had a couple m/c's and I was there for her as much as I could be. So even though I don't know what its like personally, I have seen what they do to someone.
And having a DD puts into perspective for me. I have been pregnant and just the thought of loosing that pregnancy gives me a hint of an idea of what it would feel like.
None of this is directed at you Cruel. It is my long winded way of agreeing with you.

Yet you *eye roll* when others say it?

Adam&Eve2 · December 2012

madasm0530:
Adam&Eve2:
cruelsound:
In response to the whole, "If you haven't gone through it, you don't get to judge" part, I've said it before but I'm always amazed when people assume the know another person's story.

Not everyone puts their history in their Bump sig.
I did say that I have never been through it, and I haven't. And I hope I never do. But I do have a friend that has had a couple m/c's and I was there for her as much as I could be. So even though I don't know what its like personally, I have seen what they do to someone.
And having a DD puts into perspective for me. I have been pregnant and just the thought of loosing that pregnancy gives me a hint of an idea of what it would feel like.
None of this is directed at you Cruel. It is my long winded way of agreeing with you.
Yet you *eye roll* when others say it?

Why don't you reread Cruel's post. I don't think you totally understood what she was saying.

ETA: Cruel is right. I don't want to get into it with anyone.

madasm0530 · December 2012

cruelsound:
Simmer down, Madasm. It's like you are just chomping for a brawl and are trying to twist anything you can to have a reason to throw the first punch.

A&E, I missed the part where you mentioned not having a loss. My bad on that one. And it just dawned on me who you are, I knew your name from somewhere and it's like a lightbulb just went off. How dumb of me.

OP and Sarah, again, I'm sorry that you are having some bad days. I hope that you are able to work through everything and feel better soon.

And everyone else, untwist the panties and hug it out.

Thanks for that, seriously not sarcastically. I must be having a day. I read OPs blog and it brought back alot and then AdamEve said something about growing up in regards to a loss and I took it personally for whatever reason.

Blah.. I'm just going to go back to work and think about something else.

ETA: I promise I don't like brawls around these parts. Adam&Eve - care to hug it out?

Adam&Eve2 · December 2012

madasm0530:
cruelsound:
Simmer down, Madasm. It's like you are just chomping for a brawl and are trying to twist anything you can to have a reason to throw the first punch.

A&E, I missed the part where you mentioned not having a loss. My bad on that one. And it just dawned on me who you are, I knew your name from somewhere and it's like a lightbulb just went off. How dumb of me.

OP and Sarah, again, I'm sorry that you are having some bad days. I hope that you are able to work through everything and feel better soon.

And everyone else, untwist the panties and hug it out.
Thanks for that, seriously not sarcastically. I must be having a day. I read OPs blog and it brought back alot and then AdamEve said something about growing up in regards to a loss and I took it personally for whatever reason.
Blah.. I'm just going to go back to work and think about something else.
ETA: I promise I don't like brawls around these parts. Adam&Eve - care to hug it out?

I would love to hug it out! And I see where the misunderstanding was. I didn't mean for her to grow up about the loss, but about how she is putting it on her cousins. I thought that was a little childish. But that's not how she meant it anyway...so this whole thing was pretty stupid.

~Huggiz~

madasm0530 · December 2012

Adam&Eve2:
madasm0530:
cruelsound:
Simmer down, Madasm. It's like you are just chomping for a brawl and are trying to twist anything you can to have a reason to throw the first punch.

A&E, I missed the part where you mentioned not having a loss. My bad on that one. And it just dawned on me who you are, I knew your name from somewhere and it's like a lightbulb just went off. How dumb of me.

OP and Sarah, again, I'm sorry that you are having some bad days. I hope that you are able to work through everything and feel better soon.

And everyone else, untwist the panties and hug it out.
Thanks for that, seriously not sarcastically. I must be having a day. I read OPs blog and it brought back alot and then AdamEve said something about growing up in regards to a loss and I took it personally for whatever reason.
Blah.. I'm just going to go back to work and think about something else.
ETA: I promise I don't like brawls around these parts. Adam&Eve - care to hug it out?

I would love to hug it out! And I see where the misunderstanding was. I didn't mean for her to grow up about the loss, but about how she is putting it on her cousins. I thought that was a little childish. But that's not how she meant it anyway...so this whole thing was pretty stupid.
~Huggiz~

Boom. Thanks for mediating, Cruel!

sugarellie · December 2012

I am so sorry for your loss Femme, It is heartbreaking. I hope you can avoid that girl at work and I hope you have a bump to flaunt soon !

cobi166 · December 2012

I know how you feel. I went through something similar after our loss. I'm so sorry for you. All I can say is that your take home baby is still waiting for you. I wish you the best of luck and PM me if you need someone to talk to.

nlscroggins · December 2012

OP i am so sorry you are having to deal with that! such a crappy situation. just try to ignore her

i hope it gets much better soon!

Chester84 · December 2012

I'm sorry you're going through this Femme. If I could slap that girl for you I would. Hugs for you.

ChuggingWater · December 2012

I'm sorry, Femme.

If your coworker is doing this purposefully, that is a pretty jerk move.

ky29 · December 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope things at work get better for you soon!

femmepink · December 2012

ChancieMark:
I'm very sorry again for your loss, Femme.
With that said, the first thing I thought of when I read your OP was that your coworker probably has no idea that whatever she is doing is hurting you. I don't know her and maybe she's the obnoxious type but it takes a really heinous person to purposefully rub a pregnancy in to someone who has recently had a loss. It makes me wonder if she really knows you had a loss.
Anyways, I have been on both sides of the successful pregnancy/pregnancy loss fence and I can tell you, having not gone through any of this sh*t with my son that I was completely naive and never thought that someone might not be SO happy for me and that perhaps I should tone it down a bit. Your coworker is happy, excited and probably totally oblivious to the fact that whatever she is doing is hurtful to you. I understand that you are having a hard time but not everyone is going to be completely mindful of your feelings and emotions because they are leading lives that may not have involved the things you have gone through. Does that make sense?
As far as the other discussion about kids on Facebook, it's much of the same thing. These women are happy, probably not aware that they are hurting anyone and the best thing to do is block them until you are ready.
ETA: words

Yeah, that totally makes sense. I am trying to tell myself that, too, because I don't think I'd be so aware if I didn't have a miscarriage. I am actually doing pretty good with staying positive, and I don't expect anyone to have to stifle their happiness around me.

I guess the shiitty part is, I know her well, and I know she's a nasty person. She does know about my miscarriage (unfortunately everyone at work does now since I had to be accommodated and then moved back). I've only been back at work for two days since my m/c and to have her literally giggling and bouncing around with how she gets to now take this job, and how happy she is really does make my heart hurt. I'm just trying to tell myself, "she's just happy, and she should be", but I know there's more behind it.

Thankfully, I do have good friends I work with who are there for me and a husband to knock sense into me as he keeps reminding me that she is "taking nothing from me". It's true. I am learning to grow a pair and just appreciate the good people who have supported me. It just really sucks how some people can be so shiitty. I'm not really the type to flaunt ANYTHING, in front of anyone, nevermind flaunt a pregnancy in front of someone who clearly wants to be pregnant. Sucks.

ETA: just found out that she does know about my m/c.

JulianneJacks · December 2012

femmepink:

Yeah, that totally makes sense. I am trying to tell myself that, too, because I don't think I'd be so aware if I didn't have a miscarriage. I am actually doing pretty good with staying positive, and I don't expect anyone to have to stifle their happiness around me.

I guess the shiitty part is, I know her well, and I know she's a nasty person. She does know about my miscarriage (unfortunately everyone at work does now since I had to be accommodated and then moved back). I've only been back at work for two days since my m/c and to have her literally giggling and bouncing around with how she gets to now take this job, and how happy she is really does make my heart hurt. I'm just trying to tell myself, "she's just happy, and she should be", but I know there's more behind it.

Thankfully, I do have good friends I work with who are there for me and a husband to knock sense into me as he keeps reminding me that she is "taking nothing from me". It's true. I am learning to grow a pair and just appreciate the good people who have supported me. It just really sucks how some people can be so shiitty. I'm not really the type to flaunt ANYTHING, in front of anyone, nevermind flaunt a pregnancy in front of someone who clearly wants to be pregnant. Sucks.

ETA: just found out that she does know about my m/c.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't know if you watch How I Met Your Mother but yesterday they had an episode on how everyone has a "pit person" a person who they dislike so much they might put them in a pit like Silence of the Lambs. I hate to admit this but I have about three people who could be my "pit people." I just don't like them because they don't like me. It sounds like this girl may be your "pit person" even without the added psychological element of the fact that she has now assumed your old job due to her pregnancy. I truly feel for you and I would be just as upset if I was in your situation.

Anyway, this is going to sound really dippy so bare with me, the tv show made a really good point last night. It said that when you dislike someone so much that they become your pit person you really end up putting yourself in the pit because you are devoting so much energy to disliking them and dwelling on their actions when they may be oblivious to you. I really took this to heart. I'm going to make an effort not to think about how much I dislike certain people and I'm going to try to make sure that I'm not affected by their actions. This is much easier said than done. Again- I can't imagine the situation you are in- that really stinks. I think that if you can try to stop yourself from thinking about how much you dislike her this situation might become a little bit easier.

I am so sorry for your loss and I am so sorry you are in this situation.

femmepink · December 2012

ChancieMark:
JulianneJacks:
when you dislike someone so much that they become your pit person you really end up putting yourself in the pit because you are devoting so much energy to disliking them and dwelling on their actions when they may be oblivious to you. I really took this to heart. I'm going to make an effort not to think about how much I dislike certain people and I'm going to try to make sure that I'm not affected by their actions. This is much easier said than done. Again- I can't imagine the situation you are in- that really stinks. I think that if you can try to stop yourself from thinking about how much you dislike her this situation might become a little bit easier.
This is really fantastic advice, nicely said.

Definitely. Thanks Julianne.

Funny though, I dislike her, but she never really bothered me too much. We actually were close friends in college. Then she did something real shiitty to my best friend, so we both just cut her off. I always figured her attitude was going cause a problem for her sooner or later so I just ignored her up until this point. Just today was a bit much for me to ignore.

Hopefully from here on in I'll be strong enough to let her have her fun without giving much of my attention to it.

femmepink · December 2012

Chester84:
I'm sorry you're going through this Femme. If I could slap that girl for you I would. Hugs for you.

Haha thanks Chester, I hope things are going well for you lately.

JustWonderin805 · December 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're going through this. ((hugs))

babydreams13 · December 2012

Sorry you are dealing with this.

nicole336 · December 2012

Femme- I'm so sorry for your loss and that this girl is being such a jerk. Your blog post broke my heart. i cannot imagine myself being strong enough to write about it like you did. XOXO

jenaw84 · December 2012

Sorry for your loss, I hope things get better for you and your work situation.

Cupcakelove109 · December 2012

I'm so sorry about your loss. I read your blog, and I am in tears for you.

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