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Adoption
Just beginning to think of adoption. Any pointers?
DH and I have many fertility issues. It took us IVF to conceive our son, and we just had a miscarriage. We had a miracle BFP before our second IVF cycle for baby #2. Well, now that I have had a miscarriage, I am completely freaked out about TTC again. It is possible to conceive naturally again, but chances are that we will need another fertility treatment that will cost $$$$$. I couldn't imagine having another miscarriage after going through a fertility treatment. Anyway, I've been thinking about moving on to adoption. I haven't contacted any agencies yet or anything, but just kinda started to think about it again (we were thinking about adoption instead of IVF for our first child). Can someone share the risks of domestic adoption? What are the chances that the birth mom would change her mind? I guess that is almost equal to the risk of another miscarriage. I don't think we can do international as DH and I really can't take time off of work like what would be needed and I don't particularly want to have to travel anyway. Is there anything you'd like to share with me? Time lines, pointers, tips for the home study, how you write a letter to sort of "sell" you and you DH? Will already having a child reduce the chances of getting another child? Thanks!
Baby #1: 19 cycles, failed IUI, and 1 + IVF 3-5-07
Baby #2: 12 cycles, 1 failed FET, natural miracle but m/c at 9 weeks then another natural miracle that stuck! 9-30-09
TTC #3 - 4 cycles - no BFP yet!
Baby #2: 12 cycles, 1 failed FET, natural miracle but m/c at 9 weeks then another natural miracle that stuck! 9-30-09
TTC #3 - 4 cycles - no BFP yet!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just beginning to think of adoption. Any pointers?
Hi and welcome to the board. I highly recommend a "beginner" adoption book like Adoption for Dummies, The Complete Adoption Book, or something similar. It walks you through all types of adoptions, all types of ways to go through an adoption (lawyer, facilitator, agency), and answers a lot of the questions you have. It can help you focus on how you want to build your family.
Good luck. This board is a good resource.
Welcome! I agree with the pp about the books...they are great resources. My DH and I read them, did some searching online, and finally just came to a decision about what route "felt" right. We are doing a domestic adoption and have just started our home study.
From the informational sessions we've attended, it seems that the risk of the birthmother re-claiming the baby is less if you find an agency or facilitator that has a great counseling program. We've been told the percentage is about 3%, but I don't know if that was in our state or across the U.S.
Since we are just starting out, I don't have any pointers on the timeline, etc. but keep checking back on this board because there are people in various stages of the process.
Best wishes!
I just wanted to say hello and tell you that I am in a similar situation. ?We are just starting to look into adoption, because I cannot carry more children. I found "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption" at B&N today. ?Lots of people on this board have suggested that book and the dummies book. ?Maybe it will help you?
GL on your journey!?
?
I agree with the pp about reading up on adoption. The Complete Adoption Book is pretty good. I also read a lot of memoir-style books, too.
We're adopting domestically. Our agency said that about 80-85% of the birthmoms go through with the adoption as planned. The agency offers them a lot of counseling prior to giving birth. I think that's probably the key factor.
We're just getting through the home study process. If there's anything I can answer, let me know!
I agree with others about reading up and researching. I think when we started this path we bought 15 books (a little dramatic but lol that's what excitment does sometimes). I think reading some great books about adoption will help you work through fertility issues as well as help you discover if adoption is for you and path is for you - there are so many directions you can go.
For us, we have chosen domestic adoption and we have decided to adopt an african americna or bi-racial newborn. We made this choice for many reasons.
We weighed risks and concerns, like you are doing, about domestic or international adoption. What we have learned from our agency is that in about 15-20% of cases the birth parents reposition themselves and make the choice to parent the child themselves. This happens BEFORE legal rights have been waived. The chances of a birth parent being able to 'change their mind' AFTER legal rights have been released is much smaller.
As another poster said, I think it is important to learn about the support system, psychological support and legal support your agency offers to the birth parents. No one wants a birth mother to feel cohersed or tricked. An agency that takes care of birth mothers from both a counseling/psychological prosepctive as well as legal have less issue with birth parents attempting to re-establish their legal rights or changing their birth plan.
Timelines and fees vary depending on what path you go down and with what agency or attorney. For us, the time line is 1-9 months and the cost is dependent on a match but in this category it is an average of 15,000-24,000. With our agency, if we had chosen to adopt a domestic white/hispanic infant the wait would have been 6-36 months with average price range 25,000-45,000 + Keep in mind that everything is just estimates and not set in stone. Estimates/averages are comprised of people who have paid or waited less, and those that have paid or waited more.
Please keep in mind that this is merely my situation and information that fits in with our situation or agency. It all varies and with each agency times and prices can be different.
Research, research, research :-) Good luck you!