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Overwhelmed...and the babies aren't even here yet!

PumpkinAndThePeanutPumpkinAndThePeanut member
in Multiples

This is more of a venting post, but any words of wisdom from those who have been there would be much appreciated! Our di/di twins are due in April (38 weeks would be 4/26). My pregnancy is not considered high risk (so far).

My husband and I currently rent a small condo and our lease ends next summer. We've been planning to buy a house with more space after our lease ends, but just decided to move that up and try to close on something before the babies arrive. After weighing the pros and cons, I think it would be better to have moved before we have the babies. Our only family/help in the area is my (very busy) 22 year old sister, and I can't imagine traipsing out to view properties every weekend with two newborns. I will return to work in July and work will be busy right away, so at the latest, we'd want to move in June when the twins would be 2 months old.

I'm worried about taking on too much (finding a house, closing on it, and moving in the middle of my 3rd trimester). I'm also worried about money. My husband and I both earn very good salaries, but we live in the Chicago area and the down payment will wipe out our savings, leaving virtually nothing (except credit cards and 401k!) for unexpected labor/delivery/NICU costs and buying baby things.  My baby shower will be pretty small, and my mind is boggling at the cost of all the stuff needed for two newborns (we have no hand-me-downs to take advantage of). 

Does anyone have any advice?  I think we will put off buying the nursery furniture and expensive stroller until they're 4-6 months old, and use RNPs and the DSNG stroller until then, that will help a little with the cash flow. We have pretty good health insurance but do I need to be prepared to spend thousands of dollars out of pocket if our twins need NICU time?

Thanks...

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Re: Overwhelmed...and the babies aren't even here yet!

  • WeAreSmallsWeAreSmalls member
    I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. I don't have a ton of advice as I'm not as far along as you. However, in terms of planning for medical expenses, check your medical plans to see if you have an out of pocket maximum. That would be a cap on the amount you have to pay out of pocket before your insurance picks up 100%. Not all medical plans have them, but a lot do. For example, I have an HMO with a $1,000 out of pocket max so I know that is the most I will have to spend as long as I stay with a hospital that is my insurance's network. I will admit that I have a very generous benefit but you may have a $2500 or $5000 OOP max. On the flip side, you may have an insurance policy that limits the amount your insurance will cover to a $ amount - say $250,000. Definately worth checking out so you know what to expect. Good luck!

    6 year old daughter

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  • LadyNikonLadyNikon member

    depending on your insurance it may only costs you about a grand.  I just got the anesthesiologist bill and I had a C-Section it was only 75 dollars compared to the $1144.00 I would have paid.  

    I was worried about money.  I make ok money, live in a crappy fixer upper and wanted to move but now with the economy its not cost effective.  Luckily my performance review was after the twins were born because the BS raise was enough to make me angry.  It sucks but we still have a roof over our heads and am thankful.  Hopefully we will be out of here when the twins get older and will require more space to run around in.  Babies are pretty compact for at least 6 months to be honest.  There is a lot of stuff you can forgo.  I got our rock and plays for $55 a peice at Walmart.  I heard people complain about rock and plays and flat heads in their babies.  Maybe someone else can respond to that. I don't keep my babies in them all the time.  Most of the time they are on my bed.  I only put them in the rock and plays during nap times and bed times.  

    Don't stress over things you may not have the ability to control. This is what got me through the idea of all the $$$ floating over my head.  You need to be less stressed for the health of your babies.  

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  • zombiemommyzombiemommy member

    I'd def say do anything that you can before they arrive. As stressed as you are now, it'll be worth it. After they're born, you'll have absolutely no time to shower let alone buy a house, and you'll need the space. We have a two bedroom condo in Evanston (yay for Chitown!!), and it feels like a closet with the boys and all their stuff.

    Have you considered going to some of the Moms if Multiples sales around here? They might help you to save money.

    As a fellow MoM and Chicagoan, private message me if you need any support! Good luck!!!

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  • kimmyberly26kimmyberly26 member
    I don't have much advice but I do agree with PP that if you can swing getting the house before the babies arrive, do it.  Even with one, I couldn't imagine trying to buy a house and move.  I have bought a few houses and I can tell you that it can be very stressful and tiring, so please make sure you take time to breath and put your feet up if you go that route.  Good luck!

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  • PumpkinAndThePeanutPumpkinAndThePeanut member
    Thank you all for your advice! I think I will call my insurance company tomorrow and talk through some scenarios with them and confirm my OOP maximum. I am also planning to hit up the next Chicago MoMs group sale, I think it's in March. Also, LadyNikon, as for the flat head associated with RNPs, I'm going to use the Bobby Noggin Nest pillow, I've heard that helps prevent flat head?

    My parents live in a much cheaper city so maybe I should try to do some shopping around there when I'm home for Christmas.

    I definitely feel better about our decision to go for the house now rather than later. It will all work out. Thank you all again!
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  • rn8rn8 member
    I am going to play devil's advocate here.  I was in a similar position as you.  Our twins are now 6 months old and we live in a 3 bed townhouse with little storage room. My husband and I are definitely middle class and need both of our salaries.  We have a nice down payment for our forever home and have been looking forward to something bigger and nicer. My first reaction when we found out there was 2 babies was that we needed to sell the house stat!  We ended up staying in the townhouse tho  because I was nervous about the unknows with a twin pregnancy.  What if I had to go on bedrest, (I'm a nurse and would probably have lost my job),   what if they needed NICU time and we were wiped out financially by Dr. bills, or if I couldn't go back to work right away.  Although its definitely tight in the house, it was the best decision for us.  I could relax in the pregnancy, knowing we weren't financially overextending ourselves.  We are starting to look for a house now, and I am dreading keeping our current house tidy for house showings with our 2 little mess makers, but I think it was worth staying put for the extra year.

    B/G twins born 5/12

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  • MrsLntMrsLnt member

    I was living in a 2 bedroom condo that had been for sale for nearly 2 years when I got PG with twins. I found out I was PG in March, that it was twins in April, and we were under contract to sell in May. We closed on our place in June, bought the new house at the end of June, and moved in the house in Sept (used July and Aug to renovate). I was 29 weeks PG when we moved and I quit working to be a SAHM by 31 weeks PG. I was very fortunate to not have any NICU time for my babies, BUT we do have a very high deductible health plan, so it was still a lot of cash out of pocket for medical expenses, especially when you consider I changed plans from mine to MH's midway through my pregnancy and the deductible started over. :/

    It's overwhelming and, when I look back I think "man, I don't know how we did all of that."  But I'm glad we moved before the babies were born rather than after because those first 6-9 months were a blur. 

    The RnPs are nice (so I am told) but I wouldn't not get cribs for my babies. There are lots of affordable, safe options (Ikea, Graco Lauren cribs are two that come to mind). See if there is a local MoMs group and join it now rather than later, and let people know what you are looking to buy. There may be people ready to unload their swings NOW rather than wait until March. Mine sat unused for months before my sale and I would have loved it had someone taken them off my hands sooner. Also, try Craigslist. We got our dresser/changing table and our rocker off of CL for under $100 each. Put the word out you are looking for stuff - we got our DSNG for $15 from a coworker of MH's who had twins.

    It's overwhelming for sure but you somehow get through it all and you come out on the other side with 2 awesome babies. GL! 

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  • jcathjcath member

    I'd say that if you can swing it - moving before the twins are born is great but you need to realize that you won't really be able to help.  You should NOT be packing and moving in your third trimester with twins, you should be sitting on the sofa with your feet up.

    We did an addition to our house when I found out we were having twins and it worked out fine - it was finished about two weeks before the girls were born and I just sat in a chair and ordered DH around :)

    As far as finances - just be sure you aren't getting in over your head, twins are so expensive that having lots of space and no extra money is not worth it IMO. 

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