Babies and Four Wheelers

KMurph06 · December 2012

As a bit of background, I really have not gotten comfortable with the idea of my ILs keeping Parker, so I have not made her available for that to date. However, after much pleading from my DH, I agreed to take her to my ILs this weekend to spend the weekend and that we would even go out to eat with his brothers and let them have some time with her alone.

Cue this weekend, we were having christmas with my MILs side of the family and things were winding down for the evening. Step-FIL starts talking about how he can't wait to "spoil the s#!+ out of her" (I hate the language they use around her) and that he is going to take her for a ride on the four wheeler. I immediately said "NO, no four wheelers." He said yes. I said "no" again that I was not ok with this. He said "Oh, well, what mommy doesn't know won't hurt her, we'll just do it and she can see pictures later." I was just shaking my head and said again. "No, she is not riding on the four wheeler."

I have tried talking to my DH about this and he thinks I am being dramatic because this is what they do with all the kids and no one has ever gotten hurt, etc. I told him that I don't feel comfortable with Parker on the four wheeler because it is not safe. She is 10 months old, squirmy and doesn't know how to hold on. I told him that we weren't leaving until after dark on Saturday. He said, they can still ride the four wheeler after dark. I told him that we wouldn't leave at all then and he told me that he knew this was where it was going all along. I told him that I have already said no and that he needs to deal with it, or I will and he won't like how I do. I swear if I find out that she was on the four wheeler, she is never going back there without me again.

To me this is a lot different than giving her candy and sweets and keeping her up past her bedtime. This is a safety issue. I mean, I know they don't WANT to hurt her and that they aren't going to be going 90 MPH, popping wheelies and cutting doughnuts, but still. I said no. Thoughts?

cbcarden · December 2012

Four wheelers are big around here, but I would never ever let my baby on one. I'm scared of them myself so I could be biased since I won't even let me H buy one. I would probably tell them up front what you said here that if you found out she was on one she would never stay there by herself again. You are the parent, and I think they should respect your decision or be ready to meet some consequences.

allisons1014 · December 2012

You are the mom and you call the shots. If you say no they need to respect that. I have issues with my step-FIL as well. You and your DH have to come to an understanding that you are a team and you have to be on the same page. He has to back you up. And you have to back him up when he says DD is too young to wear makeup - or whatever the issue might be.

Good luck!

jja0812 · December 2012

Four wheelers are as common as cars here, yet we know MULTIPLE people who have been killed and/or seriously injured on them. This includes children. It's not always [or even usually] due to stupidity or reckless behavior, either. We know a man who is currently in intensive care wih multiple spinal fractures, facial fractures and disfigurement, rib, arm, and leg fractures, and punctured organs because the throttle got stuck on his four wheeler as he was riding it around his front yard. He ended up slamming into a neighbor's house so hard that his body left a dent in it.

My family and my husband's family always owned and rode them, but they scare the crap out of me. It is just so easy for something bad to happen. My parents already talk about taking Jules out on them [when he's a little older] but this may be one activity that I have to be the bad guy on. I know I can't keep him in a bubble, but with the number of serious injuries and deaths I've seen [in just one tiny town] I think I'd rather be the stick in the mud with a living child than the fun parent with a paralyzed or dead one.

mle5d · December 2012

You are definitely in the right here. DH has a four wheeler, and he knows he'd be 6 feet under (not really, but you get the idea) if he put DS on it at this age. And if he did it without me knowing even after I said no, there would be hell to pay. I know he may (probably will) ride on it when he's older, but until he can hold on and be safe, ain't gonna happen. Would seeing stats or pictures of injuries help your DH come around to your side?

KMurph06 · December 2012

mle5d:
You are definitely in the right here. DH has a four wheeler, and he knows he'd be 6 feet under (not really, but you get the idea) if he put DS on it at this age. And if he did it without me knowing even after I said no, there would be hell to pay. I know he may (probably will) ride on it when he's older, but until he can hold on and be safe, ain't gonna happen. Would seeing stats or pictures of injuries help your DH come around to your side?

I think so! I would also like to present them to my ILs as well. Just to back me up a little more. I am an attorney, so that is something that they would probably expect from me anyway. Do you have some idea where I can find those, offhand?

pinkshades05 · December 2012

I used to live by the dunes where four wheeling was extremely popular. Kids have been injured and died from four wheeling accidents. I think your IL's and DH are crazy for even considering putting her on one! I wouldn't leave her if I were you. It's obvious they don't take you seriously.

jmccall79 · December 2012

You're the parent, and what you say should be all that matters...especially in a situation like this! Plain and simple!!! Your H should have your back on this issue, but it doesn't sound like he does. I think there's a time and place for it, but don't think that 10mo old is it. If they're very pointedly throwing it in your face, I'd say there's no way in hades that she'd be staying!

Shawnee11507 · December 2012

jmccall79:
You're the parent, and what you say should be all that matters...especially in a situation like this! Plain and simple!!! Your H should have your back on this issue, but it doesn't sound like he does. I think there's a time and place for it, but don't think that 10mo old is it. If they're very pointedly throwing it in your face, I'd say there's no way in hades that she'd be staying!

This. 10 months is way to young IMO. Since it doesn't sound like they are taking you seriously, she would not be staying there alone if it were me. Where I used to live in FL, 4-wheeling was popular and there was always 4-wheelers flipping over on a hill and sometimes flipping into canals (LO would probably drown in this case). I know a little kid that got caught under one and lost some fingers. I wouldn't really want DS ever doing this, but since everyone would think I was being unreasonable at some point, maybe I would give in when LO was old enough to hold on, wear a helmet, and know that certain parts are dangerous (like the exhaust burning him) and certain behaviors on it are dangerous.

lancyjo · December 2012

I would let Aria ride on a four wheeler if I trusted the people operating it. I'll let her drive one [with proper safety equipment] when she's older.

Would I trust her with my hubs, myself, or my parents? Absolutely. [provided the person driving was not the person holding Aria until she's old enough to hang on herself] Would I trust my inlaws with Aria on or in anything with a motor and wheels? Under no circumstances.

You and your hubs need to get on the same page though... You have to stand together on these issues.

heymommy · December 2012

No means no.

ALane1128 · December 2012

lancyjo:
I would let Aria ride on a four wheeler if I trusted the people operating it. I'll let her drive one [with proper safety equipment] when she's older. Would I trust her with my hubs, myself, or my parents? Absolutely. [provided the person driving was not the person holding Aria until she's old enough to hang on herself] Would I trust my inlaws with Aria on or in anything with a motor and wheels? Under no circumstances. You and your hubs need to get on the same page though... You have to stand together on these issues.

This. We have 4-wheelers. Jackson can ride when he's much older w/proper equipment under a certain speed. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but Jackson has been on ours. I held him while DH parked the 4-wheeler in the barn. We were going no more than 3 mph. It was like a total of 10 ft that we went.

shortsweet&sassy · December 2012

ALane1128:
lancyjo:
I would let Aria ride on a four wheeler if I trusted the people operating it. I'll let her drive one [with proper safety equipment] when she's older.

Would I trust her with my hubs, myself, or my parents? Absolutely. [provided the person driving was not the person holding Aria until she's old enough to hang on herself] Would I trust my inlaws with Aria on or in anything with a motor and wheels? Under no circumstances.

You and your hubs need to get on the same page though... You have to stand together on these issues.
This. We have 4-wheelers. Jackson can ride when he's much older w/proper equipment under a certain speed. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but Jackson has been on ours. I held him while DH parked the 4-wheeler in the barn. We were going no more than 3 mph. It was like a total of 10 ft that we went.  

cici has been on ours. I think it comes down to trusting who they are with and what kind if driving us taking place slow and easy vs. fast a furious you know them and how they will be with their 4 wheelers... Go with what feels right for you.

KMurph06 · December 2012

lancyjo:
I would let Aria ride on a four wheeler if I trusted the people operating it. I'll let her drive one [with proper safety equipment] when she's older. Would I trust her with my hubs, myself, or my parents? Absolutely. [provided the person driving was not the person holding Aria until she's old enough to hang on herself] Would I trust my inlaws with Aria on or in anything with a motor and wheels? Under no circumstances. You and your hubs need to get on the same page though... You have to stand together on these issues.

That's the key here. I've barely felt comfortable leaving her with them. I understand my DH is from a "country" family and I won't be able to keep her off of four-wheelers forever (not my intention). But it really makes me nervous that they want to do it anyway, even after I said no. They didn't even offer to maybe let me ride and hold her and see if I was ok with it.

We will get on the same page before this weekend, he just doesn't see it the way I do.

laura.noel · December 2012

He!!s no!

Not only do I think that is a totally unsafe situation, anyone who argues with me about what my kid is and isn't allowed to do does not get any alone time with them, period, even if it's a little thing, and this isn't a little thing.

Were I in your situation, I would tell them that if they took her on the 4 wheeler without your consent, that they would never be babysitting again.

mle5d · December 2012

KMurph06:
mle5d:

You are definitely in the right here. DH has a four wheeler, and he knows he'd be 6 feet under (not really, but you get the idea) if he put DS on it at this age. And if he did it without me knowing even after I said no, there would be hell to pay. I know he may (probably will) ride on it when he's older, but until he can hold on and be safe, ain't gonna happen. Would seeing stats or pictures of injuries help your DH come around to your side?

I think so! I would also like to present them to my ILs as well. Just to back me up a little more. I am an attorney, so that is something that they would probably expect from me anyway. Do you have some idea where I can find those, offhand?

I'm sure there are a lot of others out there, and I know nothing about the validity of this source, but I found this by googling:

https://www.aaos.org/news/aaosnow/apr11/clinical2.asp

sooner1981 · December 2012

4-wheelers are to the kid crowd what motorcycles are to the adult crowd--a fertile source of lots of good harvestible organs ready to be transplanted into kids who will get a second chance at life as a result.

Almost every day of the summer, there are terrible manglings and fatalities in our state from 4-wheeler accidents.

There is just no good reason to turn kids (any kid younger than about 14 or 15) loose on a heavy machine that goes faster than they can run. Kids have horrible impulse control, don't understand the physics of how the uneven terrain or their driving is going to affect the stability of their vehicle, kids don't know when to say "when," kids are desperate to look "cool" to their peer group so they do things they normally wouldn't feel safe doing when alone, kids don't put safety first, kids don't understand how ground can be different depending on the season/rainfall/etc, the list could go on and on and on.

I grew up in an area that was big on four-wheelers, but my parents are lawyers and they knew all too well the number of horrific accidents that four-wheelers so routinely cause. One of my good friends had her foot amputated by one in college when she was out just on a normal goof-around Saturday with her boyfriend.

C will never be allowed to ride a 4-wheeler. I wasn't ever allowed, and the world kept spinning right along...

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