BD didn't answer the phone last night

dmndsr4eva · December 2012

DS is with BD and I wanted to speak to my sweet baby last night. I called 4 or 5 times and texted once over a two hour period with no answer and no call back. Wow, he really is heartless. I knew he hated me but this is very clear communication of the sentiment.

Ooglybear · December 2012

Is it possible he was just busy? Does your CO specifically address phone calls?

Sigir · December 2012

My exh was the same way last night. I don't care what's in the co honestly right now, after what happened in CT any decent person would be sure to be extra available for the parent who was not having parenting time to be able to speak w their kid.

It may not be a co violation but IMO it's a decency violation, after all that went down yesterday. Esp in this day and age of everyone being shackled to their cel phones.

dmndsr4eva · December 2012

Ooglybear:
Is it possible he was just busy? Does your CO specifically address phone calls?

We're currently inbetween CO's the one we used to have says every night between 6-8 a phone call is allowed. the new one that will be signed by the judge in a week or two just says phone visitation allowed but doesn't specify times. It is a temp. mediated agreement. We will go back to mediation in March to make it more final. We are doing a trial new schedule.

Whatever the CO states him not answering the phone last night clearly displays the rage and evil lurking inside him and his GF.

Ooglybear · December 2012

Sigir:
My exh was the same way last night. I don't care what's in the co honestly right now, after what happened in CT any decent person would be sure to be extra available for the parent who was not having parenting time to be able to speak w their kid. It may not be a co violation but IMO it's a decency violation, after all that went down yesterday. Esp in this day and age of everyone being shackled to their cel phones.

Well, I mean, everyone reacts differently in their own way. I think most moms would internalize it and want to hug their own children, but not all dads think that way. I know my H wasn't tearing up and imagining it happening to our kids. It's possible that her X didn't think it was that big of a deal. That doesn't necessarily make him an awful human being.

I mean, X could have been at the mall in line to see Santa with the kid. Not a great place for a phone call. And it's easy to think "Oh I'll have him call BM later" and forget. I'm not saying that's exactly what happened, but there's certainly room to doubt.

OP, I just think you're jumping straight to the "HE'S OUT TO GET ME. HE'S SUCH AN ASSS!" again. You need to stop blowing things out of proportion if you ever hope to successfully coparent.

ETA: "not that big of a deal" is referring to the phone call NOT to the shooting. I mean he didn't connect the shooting to BM's desire to call. Just wanted to clarify.

Littlejen22 · December 2012

Girl, get over yourself. I cannot imagine how much you miss your kid but that amount of calling/texting in one hour could be considered harassment. Being busy does not make him evil, he might be evil but this is not your evidence.

I would send him a message reminding him that you are under a CO that states you can contact between 68, until the new one is signed the old one should stand.

mom2one · December 2012

Sometimes phone calls are harder on kids. Maybe DS was having a good time and his dad didn't want him to start missing you? Or maybe he is a jerk. He will be back tomorrow. Hang in there.

fellesferie · December 2012

Yes, perhaps too far.

But also, I think any parent who didn't make their kids available last night is thoughtless at best.

Hopeforthebest · December 2012

My DH- who's a dad= TOTALLY internalized it. Thought of it as his own kids and was a total wreck last night.

He called the kids and although it was an hour later AND a Friday and typical BM behavior is to not have the kids call back, he got a call back.

OP - this goes back to all the other games you and BD have been playing with one another. Did you point out the error yet. o the mediated agreement?

Maybe it was another game he played to "get you back" maybe it wasn't. But until and unless you start making positive changes in both your interactions, you are gonna feel every single thing he does is to spite you; regardless if that is the truth or not.

cole2144 · December 2012

dmndsr4eva:
Ooglybear:
Is it possible he was just busy? Does your CO specifically address phone calls?
We're currently inbetween CO's the one we used to have says every night between 6-8 a phone call is allowed. the new one that will be signed by the judge in a week or two just says phone visitation allowed but doesn't specify times. It is a temp. mediated agreement. We will go back to mediation in March to make it more final. We are doing a trial new schedule.
Whatever the CO states him not answering the phone last night clearly displays the rage and evil lurking inside him and his GF.

OMG are you serious?! Maybe they were busy, maybe his phone was not on him, ever think of that? We do not have our phones attached to us ever minute. If BM calls and we miss it, then the call is returned asap but BM only calls once in a while.

Here`s a question, did you ever notify anyone of the mistake in pickup times from mediation? I highly doubt it.

Karma1969 · December 2012

Maybe he was busy. If you called that much I probably would have ignored it too. It's too much. You leave 1 message or 1 text and hope he calls back. This was about you and not about the child and he knew that.

mom2one · December 2012

dmndsr4eva:
Ooglybear:
Is it possible he was just busy? Does your CO specifically address phone calls?
We're currently inbetween CO's the one we used to have says every night between 6-8 a phone call is allowed. the new one that will be signed by the judge in a week or two just says phone visitation allowed but doesn't specify times. It is a temp. mediated agreement. We will go back to mediation in March to make it more final. We are doing a trial new schedule.
Whatever the CO states him not answering the phone last night clearly displays the rage and evil lurking inside him and his GF.

I don't know what your ex is like, but it seems more likely that he wasn't connecting your incessant calling with anxiety about what happened in Connecticut yesterday. And rage and evil seems like pretty intense words. It was not nice to ignore the call, but the intensity of the emotions you feel are not necessarily mirrored in him. Did you tell the mediator to correct the agreement? Small steps of goodwill towards your ex will make you feel better about him. I guarantee it.

dmndsr4eva · December 2012

cole2144:
dmndsr4eva:
Ooglybear:
Is it possible he was just busy? Does your CO specifically address phone calls?
We're currently inbetween CO's the one we used to have says every night between 6-8 a phone call is allowed. the new one that will be signed by the judge in a week or two just says phone visitation allowed but doesn't specify times. It is a temp. mediated agreement. We will go back to mediation in March to make it more final. We are doing a trial new schedule.
Whatever the CO states him not answering the phone last night clearly displays the rage and evil lurking inside him and his GF.

OMG are you serious?! Maybe they were busy, maybe his phone was not on him, ever think of that? We do not have our phones attached to us ever minute. If BM calls and we miss it, then the call is returned asap but BM only calls once in a while.
Here`s a question, did you ever notify anyone of the mistake in pickup times from mediation? I highly doubt it.

It is not my f*cking responsibility to notify the mediator of the mistake. And yes this proves what a lousy excuse for a man he is. It is now 3:30 the following day and no call back so I can assure you he is intentionally not allowing me to talk to my son. Don't you dare judge me until you have been in my shoes. Maybe someday your H will fall in love with his younger coworker and leave you and your kids and then you will understand how it feels.

Nineoceans · December 2012

That's effed up, I'm sorry

Littlejen22 · December 2012

dmndsr4eva:
cole2144:
dmndsr4eva:
Ooglybear:
Is it possible he was just busy? Does your CO specifically address phone calls?
We're currently inbetween CO's the one we used to have says every night between 6-8 a phone call is allowed. the new one that will be signed by the judge in a week or two just says phone visitation allowed but doesn't specify times. It is a temp. mediated agreement. We will go back to mediation in March to make it more final. We are doing a trial new schedule.
Whatever the CO states him not answering the phone last night clearly displays the rage and evil lurking inside him and his GF.

OMG are you serious?! Maybe they were busy, maybe his phone was not on him, ever think of that? We do not have our phones attached to us ever minute. If BM calls and we miss it, then the call is returned asap but BM only calls once in a while.
Here`s a question, did you ever notify anyone of the mistake in pickup times from mediation? I highly doubt it.
It is not my f*cking responsibility to notify the mediator of the mistake. And yes this proves what a lousy excuse for a man he is. It is now 3:30 the following day and no call back so I can assure you he is intentionally not allowing me to talk to my son. Don't you dare judge me until you have been in my shoes. Maybe someday your H will fall in love with his younger coworker and leave you and your kids and then you will understand how it feels.

This is proving you are a lousy excuse for a woman. YOU know there is a mistake and YOU are refusing to do the right thing. I do not think him pulling crap because you pull crap is ok but YOU are being just as crappy as he is. If you did not act so psychotic we would all feel bad for what happened to you, honestly I do not think there is one person on this board that does not feel bad for you that he cheated on you and left you. But you need to move on, you need to do the right thing so that when you are in court or years from now when your child asks you, you can say you are doing the honorable thing.

Is it your responsibility to tell about the mistake? No, it is not your responsibility but you are raising a child and the best way to raise a good person, is to be a good person and that includes pointing out when things are wrong even if it does not benefit you. Maybe if you do the right thing and let him know you are doing the right thing then he will start to act better towards you. You have been coming here for way long enough to realize that everyone tells you the same thing, but yet you refuse to become a better person. And you know who will be hurt by this? Your child, the one you want to protect. And when your child is older and asks why you were always pulling crap, they will not be comforted by the excuse that your ex cheated or that he did it too.

Hopeforthebest · December 2012

Not to belabor the point but honestly what you are doing is not working. Why not at least try what we are suggesting. Worse thing that happens it doesn't work either and you can go back to the tit for tat baby bull$hit the two of you are already doing. But maybe just maybe you have a breakthrough.

cole2144 · December 2012

dmndsr4eva:
cole2144:
dmndsr4eva:
Ooglybear:
Is it possible he was just busy? Does your CO specifically address phone calls?
We're currently inbetween CO's the one we used to have says every night between 6-8 a phone call is allowed. the new one that will be signed by the judge in a week or two just says phone visitation allowed but doesn't specify times. It is a temp. mediated agreement. We will go back to mediation in March to make it more final. We are doing a trial new schedule.
Whatever the CO states him not answering the phone last night clearly displays the rage and evil lurking inside him and his GF.

OMG are you serious?! Maybe they were busy, maybe his phone was not on him, ever think of that? We do not have our phones attached to us ever minute. If BM calls and we miss it, then the call is returned asap but BM only calls once in a while.
Here`s a question, did you ever notify anyone of the mistake in pickup times from mediation? I highly doubt it.

It is not my f*cking responsibility to notify the mediator of the mistake. And yes this proves what a lousy excuse for a man he is. It is now 3:30 the following day and no call back so I can assure you he is intentionally not allowing me to talk to my son. Don't you dare judge me until you have been in my shoes. Maybe someday your H will fall in love with his younger coworker and leave you and your kids and then you will understand how it feels.

It is your responsibility to act like an adult and put your needs aside for your son but you are too selfish. You are damn right I judge you. You prove to your ex every day how smart he was to run, not walk away from you.

Nineoceans · December 2012

I didn't read all the responses but there is absolutely no reason why either parent should ignore or not return a call to the other parent. What if she was calling to say there was a family emergency or she was in the hospital? This just shows her ex's true colors and I hope she addresses this in court the next time they're there.

simplaw215 · December 2012

Nineoceans:
I didn't read all the responses but there is absolutely no reason why either parent should ignore or not return a call to the other parent. What if she was calling to say there was a family emergency or she was in the hospital? This just shows her ex's true colors and I hope she addresses this in court the next time they're there.

Unless this is a trend of him not answering, this is bad advice. If it is an isolated incident, address it and let it go.

Littlejen22 · December 2012

Nineoceans:
I didn't read all the responses but there is absolutely no reason why either parent should ignore or not return a call to the other parent. What if she was calling to say there was a family emergency or she was in the hospital? This just shows her ex's true colors and I hope she addresses this in court the next time they're there.

Nine, he might have not had his phone on him but after that many calls and texts with no message saying there was an emergency he probably choose not to call her back and get further harassed. Since we have not heard about this before I am guessing it either does not normally happen or she is always flipping every time he does not answer. And like I said, I get it that she worries and misses her kid, but it is her reality now that she is coparenting with someone she does not live with. He'll, sometimes my DH goes out with the kids or I do and we miss each others calls or DH is out of town and I don't answer the home phone and we worry but don't freak.

Jessys_Girl · December 2012

Ooglybear:

Sigir:
...

...OP, I just think you're jumping straight to the "HE'S OUT TO GET ME. HE'S SUCH AN ASSS!" again. You need to stop blowing things out of proportion if you ever hope to successfully coparent...

This.

Littlejen22:
Girl, get over yourself. I cannot imagine how much you miss your kid but that amount of calling/texting in one hour could be considered harassment. Being busy does not make him evil, he might be evil but this is not your evidence. I would send him a message reminding him that you are under a CO that states you can contact between 68, until the new one is signed the old one should stand.

This.

Karma1969:
Maybe he was busy. If you called that much I probably would have ignored it too. It's too much. You leave 1 message or 1 text and hope he calls back. This was about you and not about the child and he knew that.

This. (Especially the bolded).

dmndsr4eva:
cole2144:
dmndsr4eva:

Ooglybear:
...
...
...

It is not my f*cking responsibility to notify the mediator of the mistake. And yes this proves what a lousy excuse for a man he is. It is now 3:30 the following day and no call back so I can assure you he is intentionally not allowing me to talk to my son. Don't you dare judge me until you have been in my shoes. Maybe someday your H will fall in love with his younger coworker and leave you and your kids and then you will understand how it feels.

It IS your responsibility to be an HONEST human being and teach your child how to do the same.

Your ex is intentionally not allowing you to talk to your son because YOU ARE INTENTIONALLY BEING A PSYCHOTIC, HARASSING BIATCH. Wow.

Littlejen22:
dmndsr4eva:
cole2144:
dmndsr4eva:

Ooglybear:
...
...

...

...

This is proving you are a lousy excuse for a woman. YOU know there is a mistake and YOU are refusing to do the right thing. I do not think him pulling crap because you pull crap is ok but YOU are being just as crappy as he is. If you did not act so psychotic we would all feel bad for what happened to you, honestly I do not think there is one person on this board that does not feel bad for you that he cheated on you and left you. But you need to move on, you need to do the right thing so that when you are in court or years from now when your child asks you, you can say you are doing the honorable thing.

Is it your responsibility to tell about the mistake? No, it is not your responsibility but you are raising a child and the best way to raise a good person, is to be a good person and that includes pointing out when things are wrong even if it does not benefit you. Maybe if you do the right thing and let him know you are doing the right thing then he will start to act better towards you. You have been coming here for way long enough to realize that everyone tells you the same thing, but yet you refuse to become a better person. And you know who will be hurt by this? Your child, the one you want to protect. And when your child is older and asks why you were always pulling crap, they will not be comforted by the excuse that your ex cheated or that he did it too.

ALL of this.

wendilea:

Are you f#cking serious? You need mental help. Serious medication and possibly a padded room. Maybe Ex had his phone off because he was at a movie with DS, maybe he was visiting Santa, maybe he was at a Christmas party - what the f@ck ever he was doing he didn't HAVE to sit and wait around just to see if you might call.

Calling that much in an hour - did you leave a message? It could be considered harassment. And maybe that's what he did - sit back and laugh at what an @ss you were being. Maybe, if you had acted like an adult, left ONE voicemail, one text, then he would have responded when he got the time.

And he's no more evil than you are - if anything you're worse since you're deliberately not pointing out an error in a CO. Grow the f@ck up - soon your son will be emotionally older than either of his parents.

And this is why Wendi is my sister wife and I love her. Very well said.

Nineoceans:
I didn't read all the responses but there is absolutely no reason why either parent should ignore or not return a call to the other parent. What if she was calling to say there was a family emergency or she was in the hospital? This just shows her ex's true colors and I hope she addresses this in court the next time they're there.

As far as this goes: If it were a family emergency you LEAVE A MESSAGE saying "ExH, this is a family emergency of such and such nature please have DS call, or please call me as i need to speak to him". If no return call in a short time, you TEXT the same message.

You don't call 5 times and text once in the span of 2 hours (which by the way is 6 contacts, or one contact EVERY 20 MINUTES! Did you have nothing better to do with YOUR life for those 2 hours? Jeez? Perhaps your Ex gets the impression that he is your whole life?? I get that impression and i only know you from what you post here).

mom2one · December 2012

Littlejen22:
Nineoceans:
I didn't read all the responses but there is absolutely no reason why either parent should ignore or not return a call to the other parent. What if she was calling to say there was a family emergency or she was in the hospital? This just shows her ex's true colors and I hope she addresses this in court the next time they're there.
Nine, he might have not had his phone on him but after that many calls and texts with no message saying there was an emergency he probably choose not to call her back and get further harassed. Since we have not heard about this before I am guessing it either does not normally happen or she is always flipping every time he does not answer. And like I said, I get it that she worries and misses her kid, but it is her reality now that she is coparenting with someone she does not live with. He'll, sometimes my DH goes out with the kids or I do and we miss each others calls or DH is out of town and I don't answer the home phone and we worry but don't freak.

Not to agree with OP but there is a HUGE difference in the kids being with your spouse who you TRUST and not being able to get in touch with a child who is in the custody of someone you don't trust. Much more anxiety producing.

Littlejen22 · December 2012

Mom2One, I am not doubting it is more anxiety producing but it is just insane to call him that often and then expect a rational call back. Every single post she has ever made on this board about her ex always results in advice from people here and excuses why everyone here is wrong. If she is not willing to do something about it then stop posting.

mom2one · December 2012

Littlejen22:
Mom2One, I am not doubting it is more anxiety producing but it is just insane to call him that often and then expect a rational call back. Every single post she has ever made on this board about her ex always results in advice from people here and excuses why everyone here is wrong. If she is not willing to do something about it then stop posting.

Yeah, I agree with that...but she doesn't want to hear what anyone else has to say anyway.

Phantomgirl · December 2012

Its funny that everyone has such a problem with OP calling her ex evil BUT the very same people have no problem calling her every name under the sun.

OP - it takes one to know one. If you are reacting all out of whack on your emotions, then I have no doubt that it is also where you ex is.

It was sh!tty of him to not let you talk to your DS, especially given what had just happened. I'm sorry that that happened to you. Even if he was in line for Santa he could have text you to let you know he would call back so no excuse.

It is also a sh!tty move on your part to knowingly move forward with a mistake in the mediation papers.

You and your ex are both right here, its not your JOB to tell the mediator just like it is not his JOB to facilitate a relationship with you and DS while he is in his care.

Sadly to alert the mediator and let you talk to your son is whats best for DS - but who cares right, this is about hurting each other.

If you BOTH put your DS first instead of taking every opportunity to take a pop at each other life would be so much easier.

I know how horrible what happened to you is, I watched my own mother go through it. I am sorry that you are hurting but you have to try to put it behind you. You are letting this man control your life. Every day and every moment you spend dwelling on him is wasted time.

You can't think your way to being happy you have to act it. Start today by calling the mediator and getting the paper work sorted out. Your ex is a loser and for that reason you will need to be the bigger person here. You will need to step up and start to move forward for your DS sake. He has already proven to you that he cannot be depended upon so dont depend on him to do the right thing.

If YOU do the right thing at least you can stand in your truth and hand on heart say you did the best for your DS. He is only two he needs you to protect him from this hate and animosity.

I really do feel for you because it is a horrible place to be in life. Your New Year resolution needs to be that you make a clean start and that you do whats best for DS in 2013.

Felles is right, when you called and text that many times it stopped being about DS and became a power struggle between the two of you. The really sad part is, whoever is holding DS has the power at that time.

Phantomgirl · December 2012

MelRC117:
Phantom -
I think BOTH of them are just out to get one another. He should have called or texted back, she should have called and texted only once, she should contact the mediator..... its this back and forth of "Well he did this to me so Im going to this to him" and vice versa. Its a cycle that one of them won't even attempt to end.
He cheated on her. That's a $hitty guy. But he left her and didn't want to be with her, but he clearly didn't not want to be a dad. She is trying to make him pay for what he did to her by playing these games with their CHILD. She thinks he owes her something, and that something is by being at her beck and call and her having all the time with THEIR son. But the relationship between her and him that is now over shouldn't affect the relationship between him and their son which is NOT over.
If the both of them don't stop, the son will learn in the future what is going on and could be resentful of both his parents.

I 100% agree with everything you said Mel.

They are both guilty of putting their son in the middle.

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