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April 2013 Moms
MikesGirl22
member
Annoying comments from people-rant
MikesGirl22
member
Starting to really get annoyed by some of the comments Im getting from people. We are team green and 9 times out of 10 when people hear we are not finding out boy or girl until the baby is born I have been hearing "You're NOT?? Wow, I could NEVER do that." I have never said that to someone when they tell me they are having one or the other. If I did I feel like that would be rude and condescending- "I could NEVER find out ahead of time, I dont know HOW you could do that!" with the accompanying look of half shock half horror on my face that I seem to be getting.
Also we are attempting a VBAC without an epidural(if possible) this time. My "lovely" sister-in-law gave me the same face when she heard I dont want an epidural. "Oh, yes, YES you do! (chuckle) TRUST me." She's not the only one. Some of my family does the same thing. It just bothers me. Like they think Im being naive since I didnt experience labor last time so I dont know what its going to be like. I feel like I have to defend my choices all the time. I dont judge people for what they choose, why do I feel like Im being judged?
Im just going to stop talking to people til this kid gets here, LOL
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Re: Annoying comments from people-rant
I fully support this plan.
People still gave me the same skepticism after I had DS1 med-free and intended to do the same with DS2. Now that I'm on LO#3, I'm finally no longer hearing it.
People are stupid.
It does get annoying after a while, but most of those people don't realize that everyone before them has had the same reaction(s), and don't realize how fed up you are of seeing/hearing them.
That said, you'll probably just have to ignore their comments. That, or use the Lie To Their Faces tactic, wherein you simply tell them some made up crap that prevents the annoying comment. "We tried to find out the sex, but baby didn't cooperate. We'll just have to wait!" "I'm planning on having my husband clock me over the head so I'm asleep for most of my labor."
// I love you too. //
I'm having a medfree birth at a birthing center, and I've definitely received my fair share of...interesting comments when people find out when I'm not delivering at a hospital. Maybe if people ask, you could just tell them that you're attempting a VBAC and just leave it at that? I rarely tell anyone I planned to go medfree last time, just in case things didn't go as planned.
GL with your VBAC!!! I hope everything works out for you and you're able to have the medfree birth you're hoping for. Sorry if the format is weird. I'm bumping from my phone.
This made me LOL.
And, Mrs. Leah, Im really hoping that when we get to #3, I wont have to explain myself anymore. People are stupid, and probably dont realize that 20 other people have said the same thing before them. Just like the "are you sure its only one in there?" people. They are stupid too.
I'm thinking my irritation has something to do with the Christmas party we went to at my BIL & SIL house this weekend, that had about 20 people too many to fit in their non-childproofed house (they have a 4y/o and a 3 month old so we incorrectly assumed it would be safe), so DH and I were constantly chasing DD around to make sure she doesnt maim herself or catch anything from the 1 year old twins that were there who were coughing and snotting all over the place. Good times.
Whew, I feel better now. Guess i needed to get that out. Thanks, Ladies!
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Thanks, im really excited to try!
I try to keep as little to myself, but people seem to be persistent, and want to know alot of details. Im going to practice the "I dont know yet, we havent even thought about that yet" line and see how it goes...
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FTM here for what it's worth... but here's what bothers me about the "you're NOT finding OUT?!" comments, right along with the "You're NOT having an EPIDURAL?!?" comments (note: I did find out, and probably WILL have an epidural):
Every single one of our mothers (well, every single one of the mothers of my age group - I'm 35), had babies without finding out the gender and without an epidural. When my SIL had my niece, my mom didn't even know what an epidural WAS. So are we seriously this generation of instant-gratification wimps that can't even entertain the idea of a little suspense, and a little pain???
I wish I'd had the guts to say that when I was Team Green!
This. I say things like, "Wow, I don't know how you do it." It's not said to be condescending or rude and I personally wouldn't take it that way if I was Team Green. I just personally don't have the will power to hold off on finding out. So I think that's great if someone does. I wouldn't take any offense to people saying that.
I'm not shy about admitting that I don't like pain and I'm 100% on board for an epi. Call me a wuss, I don't give a sh#t.
Oh, haha, that's not really what I meant though -- I DON'T think people who do it are wimps, at all -- like I said, I'll most likely have one too! It's just idea that we can't even entertain the idea of what hundreds of generations of women before us have gone without. It makes me roll my eyes when people get so up in arms about the idea of being surprised, or going without an epi.
And what many women in many other countries go through without it because it's just not available.
I will probably wind up with a repeat c-section, but will absolutely try my hardest to NOT get an epidural if I VBAC (Right now I plan to schedule a RCS, but if I go into labor before the date, I will attempt VBAC).
I also have to agree with the waiting for team green comments, I really wanted to not find out, but my ex was impatient with DD, and FI desperately needed to know if he was going to have a son (guys are so weird sometimes, lol), so we found out. Either way, though, I probably would have caved and found out myself anyway, haha!
I get annoyed with peoples comments too. My other children are 9 and almost 13 and every time people hear that, they immediately say "Oh, it will be nice to have built in babysitters." It drives me nuts because we are not having a child to have our other children raise them. I was my sisters 'built in babysitter' i.e. mommy #2 when I was 10 yo and I refuse to do that to my kids so I bight back when people say it. They usually don't like to hear a testy response but I really don't care anymore.
I say, let 'em have it and they'll stop commenting.
Your statement reminded me of something my mom told me to do. When someone tries to touch my belly let them then say my turn and touch there belly!!!! Havent done this bc yet but waiting for the right time. You could always ask the next person what they are having, lol.
We are team green, and I get the same reaction from people, but it seems to make people ridiculously curious and I LOVE that!
I had an un-medicated delivery for my first, and didn't really discuss it with anyone beforehand. At the time I knew people would be waiting for me to fail and I'd get the smug oh-you-poor-unknowing-FTM comments after birth, so the hubs and I read the Bradley book and worked as a team, and we just did it. After it was over with, my SIL (who had two c-sections and both a 10 and nine pound baby) was like "well if your baby was the size of mine that would never have been possible, she was so SMALL so it wasn't THAT hard". She was born at 36 wks 6 days, and was right at seven pounds, so she was normal and perfect.
People are obnoxious! Rock on with your VBAC.
As far as the comments of people being team green, try not to take it personally, they probably are being serious about them not being able to wait to find out and probably completely innocent.
As far as delivery plans, I'm opposite of you. I want drugs the second I can get them and I get remarks about not wanting to experience the delivery, etc. I decided I'm not talking to anyone about my birthing plan aside from the few people VERY close to me who will support whatever I want/choose.
Im not knocking anyone who wants an epidural, not by any means. I know that everyone handles pain differently, and everyone has the right to their own choices regarding managing that pain. The team green comments arent that bad, I suppose. Its just after hearing them 300 times its starting to get old. The comments and eye rolls about trying for natural birth really get to me more. Ive done my research re: VBAC and natural birth and I have decided whats best for me and my family, and Im lucky that DH is 100% on board with me and ready to support me in any way needed. I just dont understand why other people, especially another woman whose been through this herself, (SIL) wouldnt be supportive of my right to my own choice. Just wish people would be more tolerant, i guess.
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This is probably because she is justifying her decision to herself. I see both sides of this. It may easy to say what you think you will do before you are the one in that position and it is certainly easy to say what you would have done in someone else's shoes. But, when you actually go through something you feel your experience is unique.
I attempted a med-free birth and decided at the time that I wasn't in the right environment for it. I don't regret my decision, but both my mother and my mother in law had 3 unmedicated births each and don't understand all the epidurals that people receive today. Neither of them made direct comments, but it is easy to become defensive even when people describe their birth experience as simply different from your own.
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