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Returning a couple of ExW's childhood things

HChadHChad member
in Blended Families

My DH had to move a lot of his belongings out of storage this weekend.  While going through the boxes and bins, we came across two things that belong to his ExW.  DH and ExW are currently in a visitation dispute and a lot of bad blood is running between the two of them.  Two things were found that were obviously saved for a reason, ExW's adoption papers from her Cabbage Patch doll (with her practicing her signature as a child on the envelope) and an ID bracelet for a small child, approx 4-6.  I want to return them, but with the circumstances being what they are, I am unsure of the appropriate way to do so.  They were obviously saved for a reason, so my way of thinking is to return them to her parent's (we have their address) along with a note saying they should be returned and apologizing for the method.

 Any ideas?  How should this be handled?  I am at a loss, but I can't just throw them out.  Her parents' saved this for a reason and the split/move was very hasty on both sides. 

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Re: Returning a couple of ExW's childhood things

  • IlumineIlumine member
    Why can't you send it to her directly?
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  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    imageIlumine:
    Why can't you send it to her directly?


    This.

    There may be bad blood but I'm sure those things would mean a lot for her to have back.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Read the post directly below. Just because things are nasty right now or if she does not do the right thing does not mean you guys should not. Put them in a box or envelope and mail them to her with a post it saying you found these and thought she would want them.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    imageLittlejen22:
    Read the post directly below. Just because things are nasty right now or if she does not do the right thing does not mean you guys should not. Put them in a box or envelope and mail them to her with a post it saying you found these and thought she would want them.


    This is the right thing to do. Do the right thing.
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Do you not have her address? Just mail them to her. It barely costs anything.
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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
    I agree they should be returned. can you hold off a few months to give them back? I mean, I'm sure you don't want them sitting around your house, but maybe wait until you are all done in court and pretend you just found them, then it might not be as awkward?
                           
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  • MarSamWhitneyMarSamWhitney member
    Only a few months ago did we start getting along good with BM. That being said- I came across a good size box of BM's childhood pictures when I was cleaning out the basement. H didnt realize he still had them. We were not on good terms with her at all, and yet I handed the box to her at a pick up that same week. She looked shocked, and she actually hugged me and thanked me profusely. Any little thing you can do to ease the tension is a good thing. I would mail them directly to her, in your case. Its the right thing to do, imo.


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  • HChadHChad member

    Giving the items to her personally would be the best option, but that is not one.  For the time being, there is no visitation, no exchanges.

     DH's ExW is being very difficult, to put it mildly.  We don't live in the same state or area of the country.  Without going into every detail, it's a challenging situation and I am doing everything I can to be the bigger person.

    DH had an amazing relationship with his in-laws and his ExW is close with them.  With all the litigation going on now, I am hesitant to send these things back to her directly.  I want her to get them, but I am not willing to put up with another 20 hour text message marathon where she goes off about everything and anything.  Nothing stops her when this begins, this is why I had to stop going to school for my MBA.  

    ExW and SD are at her parents' for the holidays (or will be soon), so sending everything there will accomplish what we want to with minimal drama.

     Side note, according to ExW's FB, SD and the family are away from their home now, so DH and my gift's won't be there on Christmas.  We sent them last Friday.  DH is not happy with this, but there is nothing we can do now but hope a neighbor picks up their mail and packages until they get home.

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