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Postpartum Depression
Anxiety/Depression before baby - trying to cope without meds now
I have suffered from anxiety/depression my whole life and decided to try to go off of my meds at the end of my pregnancy because I wanted to breastfeed and knew the meds I was on weren't good for that.
Well my LO arrived 5 weeks early (is now 3 weeks old, 6lbs 14oz) and I have been breastfeeding exclusively but I started to really have a hard time emotionally. I have felt VERY overwhelmed and always on the verge of hysterical tears. Then the other night I started to have anxiety attacks. I think the breastfeeding is causing a lot of the anxiety because I feel very restricted and alone. So I have decided to start pumping and bottle feeding. But I still feel myself slipping into old ways/feelings...... My OBGYN told me that if I feel like I need my meds that I really should go back on them. They said that me being at my best is what is best for the baby even if that means I can't breastfeed. The nurse said there are tons of babies that have been formula fed from day one and are perfectly fine. Plus my LO has now been on breast milk for the whole 3 weeks and I also have a decent supply of pumped frozen milk. So the nurse said he already got a lot of good out of that.
But my issue is I feel like such a failure if I switch to formula!!!! So many people shove it down your throat that you should breastfeed, so now I feel like *** for even thinking about it. My other concern is that formula is so expensive and I just don't know if we could afford it...........
Any advice, help, or anything would be very very very appreciated!!!
I feel so lost and unsure of what to think or do........
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Re: Anxiety/Depression before baby - trying to cope without meds now
First and probably the most important, I understand. I was there.
Second, there are medicines you can take that have shown little to no results in baby's blood. (I'm prescribed Zoloft in the lowest dose for that reason.) Try talking with your doctor about something like that. Honestly, I'm surprised they haven't talked to you about it already? I don't know any dr's that would suggest anything to take baby off the breast to be ok.
Third, it will pass. While you feel very restricted and limited now, this is part of being a mother and some day your child won't need you like that anymore. I felt exactly how you're feeling. My pregnancy was unplanned and while I wanted to be a mother, being one early in age and when I wasn't prepared ended up making me resent being one all together. When my baby arrived I was excited, but as the days and weeks wore on I began to feel stuck. Like you can't live your life, right? But the weeks start flying by, soon. Right now, especially premies, they say to feed every two hours. Speak to your pediatrician about the ideal weight for your baby right now. I know for babies born on time that as soon as they return or pass birth weight, then they can be fed less often. Which gives you more time to do stuff.
Also, I couldn't WAIT for my baby to be able to start bottles (I wanted to breastfeed and bottle feed so I could go out). But she just had to have one the other day because she was ill and I literally started crying. You really don't know how much it means to you until it's not the only option anymore. What I can say, having gone through it myself, is take it all in. Breathe and do what you need to in order to relax. (Have your significant other, friend, family member or whatever take the baby if they can in between feedings and relax.)
Breastfeeding doesn't last forever. (By six months your baby can start solids.) And it's literally the ONLY thing in the world that your baby can do with you and no one else. You'll miss it when it's gone, so cherish it. (As stressful as it can sometimes be.)
But! If it does come down to you starting formula, DO NOT FEEL BAD. Breastmilk is best for baby, BUT, you being your healthiest is what's best long term. Depression and anxiety are not things to toy with and a lot of people can't relate or understand what it feels like. On one hand you love your baby more than anything, but on the other you feel trapped and stuck even though this is what you wanted. It's hard! But it's only been three weeks, don't give up on breastfeeding yet. It DOES get easier, I promise. My baby is two months old now, sleeps through the night and feeds on demand or every three hours during the day. I thought I would be stuck inside forever and now that I can go out on my own and such, I miss the time I had when she was younger.
(Look into government help for formula if you need to. If your state has a WIC (women, infants, children) program then that may be helpful to get formula.)
Breathe. Relax. And keep trying without forcing yourself or feeling guilty when things aren't working like they should. It'll be over soon and it'll never come back. Try to think of all you have to be thankful for and happy about, that always helps.
I have been off my anxiety meds for almost 3 months because my ob/gy told me that it was best to stop taking them if we were going to ttc. The longer I am off them, the worse I feel. This past couple of weeks have been especially bad. My primary symptoms are back pain (from clenched muscles), jaw clenching, headaches, acid reflux, crying, and not being able to sleep. I am going to try really hard to keep going and just hope we get pregnant sooner rather than later. That being said, I am switching obgy next month and I will be talking to my new doctor about everything.
I have read that people who suffer from depression or anxiety prior to having a baby are more at risk for postpartum depression and that if they do get it, their symptoms will be worse.
I think that you should do whats best for you and if you are really struggling ,consider bottle feeding. I think that your baby can tell if you are having problems and that the benefits of breastfeeding need to be compared against your health and the emotional state of you and your baby.
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Pinterest: LO ... somedayI strongly disagree with your doctor that you should get off your anxiety meds in order to conceive. Yes, it would be great if you could function without them, and you don't have to expose your child to them when you're pregnant. However, all the doctor's I have spoken to about this all say they recommend staying on the medications. There are risks in being on meds, but there are also risks of having an untreated mental disorder while pregnant. I'm on a few medications for anxiety and depression and I tried to decrease my dosages before I got pregnant, but I just couldn't do it. I am unable to cope with everyday life without medication, and ultimately I believe staying on my meds is what is best for me and my baby. I don't think your doctor has a very good understanding of what it's like to live with an untreated mental disorder and the effects it can have on pregnancy. At the very least your doctor should have discussed decreasing dosage or switching to a safer medication.