BM pisses me off part 2

cole2144 · December 2012

So we just got notice that BM is appealing the judge`s decision to grant 50-50 custody. I did not even occur to me that she could appeal. The selfishness of this woman kills me.

twister22 · December 2012

Ugh. How extremely frustrating. Hopefully the next judge will uphold the first judge's decision. Does BM have ANY reasonable grounds as to why DH shouldn't have 50/50? From everything you've said on here it doesn't sound like she does.

Judges like people like your DH who are accommodating, flexible, and reasonable. It seems like your area is the same as mine - they favor the parent who is most willing to encourage a relationship with the child and the other parent. BM clearly does not do this, and your DH clearly does.

Hopefully BM is just wasting everyone's time and money with this appeal.

T&Ps your way.

cole2144 · December 2012

Thank you. She has no reason to file and she did so before we even started the arrangement. It is infuriating!

kimmygirl77 · December 2012

So sorry Cole. Were you given a court date yet? Hopefully a new judge will see thru her BS too. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}. Hang in there......

cole2144 · December 2012

Thank you, I just want to cry. We are so tired of the never ending fighting. I thought things would finally calm down now that all this was over. No court date yet.

kimmygirl77 · December 2012

I know that when we went to court our attorney specifically had it put on record that if BM kept dragging us to court over the same things over and over then she would be responsible for our attorney's fees and any court sanctions. We are in california though. Doesnt hurt to ask your attorney that if she is going to keep taking you back to court..... Then she can pay the ALL the costs.

SueBear · December 2012

What happens while she appeals? Do you temporarily get 50/50, or does it revert back to the old arrangement?

cole2144 · December 2012

kimmygirl77:
I know that when we went to court our attorney specifically had it put on record that if BM kept dragging us to court over the same things over and over then she would be responsible for our attorney's fees and any court sanctions. We are in california though. Doesnt hurt to ask your attorney that if she is going to keep taking you back to court..... Then she can pay the ALL the costs.

I will definitely address this with our attorney, thank you!

cole2144 · December 2012

SueBear:
What happens while she appeals? Do you temporarily get 50/50, or does it revert back to the old arrangement?

I think we continue to get 50-50 until the appeal but we will double check with the attorney tomorrow.

Ooglybear · December 2012

I wouldn't stress too much about it. From my understanding, you can't just appeal because you don't like the outcome; you have to show that the judge made an error in interpreting and/or applying the law to the case.

Good luck!

xmaryrickx · December 2012

I know when my H's divorce settlement was done, not really custody related, he filed an appeal and it was denied. BM also filed and was denied. This was a court ordered settlement, so not mediation or anything. There had to be grounds for an appeal, and both were denied by the court. So, I don't think she can just appeal bc she isn't happy. At least hopefully that is the case.

cole2144 · December 2012

xmaryrickx:
I know when my H's divorce settlement was done, not really custody related, he filed an appeal and it was denied. BM also filed and was denied. This was a court ordered settlement, so not mediation or anything. There had to be grounds for an appeal, and both were denied by the court. So, I don't think she can just appeal bc she isn't happy. At least hopefully that is the case.

That makes me feel a bit better, hopefully this will be the case for us.

FutureMrsWittig · December 2012

So frustrating. Make sure to ask your lawyer about suing her for your attorney's fees and court costs.

The burden of proof is on her this time. She and her attorney are going to have to show that the judge did not correctly interpret or apply the law. Something tells me she won't even get in front of the judge.

cole2144 · December 2012

tifanico:
She is in her legal rights to do so. Is it frustrating, of course it is but now is up to her to show why she is stating that the judge made the wrong decision.
In VA, once you file and appeal you go by the the old order and not the new one until the matter is resolved so you would go back to the EOW.
Signed by an evil BM that appealed a 50 50 CO and ended up getting full physical custody. Very different circumstances to yours though.

The snark is not really necessary, you situation like you said is far different from mine. I think we have more than proven it is in SD`s best interest to see both her parents an equal amount of the time. I also did some research and I found that at the appeal they simply review testimony from the original hearing and briefs submitted by the attorneys so I feel better about that since we don`t have to go through the whole trial process again.

mom2one · December 2012

It's not very common for a judge's decision to be overturned. It's also pretty common for people to appeal and it's not the kind of thing you can sanction them over...she isn't going to get in trouble or have to pay your court costs for appealing. It's anyone's right to appeal a decision. Most likely nothing will come of it.

J&A2008 · December 2012

I read tifanico's comment as an attempt at humor, not an attack. She said her circumstances are different.

xmaryrickx · December 2012

cole2144:
tifanico:
She is in her legal rights to do so. Is it frustrating, of course it is but now is up to her to show why she is stating that the judge made the wrong decision.
In VA, once you file and appeal you go by the the old order and not the new one until the matter is resolved so you would go back to the EOW.  
Signed by an evil BM that appealed a 50 50 CO and ended up getting full physical custody. Very different circumstances to yours though.  
The snark is not really necessary, you situation like you said is far different from mine. I think we have more than proven it is in SD`s best interest to see both her parents an equal amount of the time. I also did some research and I found that at the appeal they simply review testimony from the original hearing and briefs submitted by the attorneys so I feel better about that since we don`t have to go through the whole trial process again.

if the shoe was on the other foot, and you and your H were going from primary custody to losing almost 50 of your time, would you take that lying down? Or would you fight it? I think natural instinct is to fight it and that in and of itself doesn't make anyone evil. And really I think that is Tif's point. What you think is best and what BM thinks is best are clearly going to be two different things, and because of that two different courses of action. I think you need to take a step back and see this for what it is. Just as your H fought for more time with his daughter, and won, BM is fighting that win as she lost time. I don't think anyone is right or wrong here, but the omg BM is evil is a bit over the top. Did you really think she would be all YAY!!! Less time with my kid!!!

cole2144 · December 2012

xmaryrickx:
cole2144:
tifanico:
She is in her legal rights to do so. Is it frustrating, of course it is but now is up to her to show why she is stating that the judge made the wrong decision.
In VA, once you file and appeal you go by the the old order and not the new one until the matter is resolved so you would go back to the EOW.
Signed by an evil BM that appealed a 50 50 CO and ended up getting full physical custody. Very different circumstances to yours though.
The snark is not really necessary, you situation like you said is far different from mine. I think we have more than proven it is in SD`s best interest to see both her parents an equal amount of the time. I also did some research and I found that at the appeal they simply review testimony from the original hearing and briefs submitted by the attorneys so I feel better about that since we don`t have to go through the whole trial process again.
if the shoe was on the other foot, and you and your H were going from primary custody to losing almost 50 of your time, would you take that lying down? Or would you fight it? I think natural instinct is to fight it and that in and of itself doesn't make anyone evil. And really I think that is Tif's point. What you think is best and what BM thinks is best are clearly going to be two different things, and because of that two different courses of action. I think you need to take a step back and see this for what it is. Just as your H fought for more time with his daughter, and won, BM is fighting that win as she lost time. I don't think anyone is right or wrong here, but the omg BM is evil is a bit over the top. Did you really think she would be all YAY!!! Less time with my kid!!!

First of all, I never said anything about BM being evil, I said she was selfish. According to the state and any of the psychiatrists I have ever spoken to, as long as both parents can provide a stable home and the arrangement is logistically possible it is in the best interest of the child to see both parents equally. Therefore I find BM to be selfish and only looking out for her best interest and not SD`s. I don`t know why I`m still surprised, "when people show you who they are you should believe them." No I did not think she would be happy but I thought maybe she would wake up and realize she needed to be an adult, put her feelings aside and do what is best for SD, my mistake.

Hopeforthebest · December 2012

Sigh--- men are a$$holes when they DON'T fight for time with their kids AND when they DO fight for them. They literally CAN NOT WIN. They have a penis so automatically that means mom should win. Ugh so over it!

Cole - I'm glad he won, got what should just be a God given right and I hope it doesn't cost you another dime to continue with the 50/50 win.

I don't know why this is always such a back and forth battle. It took 2 to make the kid, and if both parents are competent loving people and express the love and desire for their kid then both should be entitled to their kid evenly. *** . It's not rocket science.

Sorry for the temper tantrum.

cole2144 · December 2012

MelRC117:
Pretty sure she didn't say evil. I think, once again, Cole is venting because this whole thing, I would imagine, is incredibly exhausting and just wants it to be over with. Yes, its within her right to appeal, however I'm sure she's upset about losing time, but why should one parent get more time then the other just because they are the mom? They must live within reasonable distance to each other and are just as capable of giving Cole's SD a loving home environment. I'm sure BM isn't appealing because she would think the judge applied the law wrong, I'm sure because it was it didn't go in her favor and didn't even think about the law.

Thank you, exactly. We are emotionally exhausted of dealing with BM and this process. We filed for custody in May of 2011 and it is still not over so yeah we are tired and more than a little frustrated. I come here to vent so I can release my negative feelings rather than bottle them all up.

cole2144 · December 2012

Hopeforthebest:
Sigh--- men are a$$holes when they DON'T fight for time with their kids AND when they DO fight for them. They literally CAN NOT WIN. They have a penis so automatically that means mom should win. Ugh so over it!

Cole - I'm glad he won, got what should just be a God given right and I hope it doesn't cost you another dime to continue with the 50/50 win.

I don't know why this is always such a back and forth battle. It took 2 to make the kid, and if both parents are competent loving people and express the love and desire for their kid then both should be entitled to their kid evenly. *** . It's not rocket science.

Sorry for the temper tantrum.

This!

I completely agree and my husband has never once asked for more time than BM gets because he knows it is in SD`s best interest to see her parents equally.

Sigir · December 2012

In my experience, when it is a divisive issue, you should go in always expecting that the other party will file an appeal. My exh always does on every issue so we expect it now. I don't sigh a breath of relief until the deadline for appeals has passed.

From a bm perspective, I can't remember how old your sd is but with this change to 50 50 I would be concerned about her having to go through a total change in routine, since she already had an established routine that was working well [as long as she is thriving, can't recall if that is the case ]. So just from another POV, the bm may not be acting in a purely selfish way. Just something to consider.

xmaryrickx · December 2012

cole2144:
MelRC117:
Pretty sure she didn't say evil.  I think, once again, Cole is venting because this whole thing, I would imagine, is incredibly exhausting and just wants it to be over with.  Yes, its within her right to appeal, however I'm sure she's upset about losing time, but why should one parent get more time then the other just because they are the mom?  They must live within reasonable distance to each other and are just as capable of giving Cole's SD a loving home environment. I'm sure BM isn't appealing because she would think the judge applied the law wrong, I'm sure because it was it didn't go in her favor and didn't even think about the law.
Thank you, exactly. We are emotionally exhausted of dealing with BM and this process. We filed for custody in May of 2011 and it is still not over so yeah we are tired and more than a little frustrated. I come here to vent so I can release my negative feelings rather than bottle them all up.

some things are implied by tone and phrasing. It's hard to interpret the tone of the written word. Especially when it is written in hast and frustration.
It's great to vent as long as you are open to people saying hey, that sucks but maybe you should xyz or that is crappy but perhaps you should think about abcd. Many a vent of mine turned into a flameful firey mess and I know it's hard not to be defensive. But in the long run I am so grateful for those people who called me out and told me to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. They saved my sanity and possibly my marriage. I learned so much from people telling me to look at things in a different light or even those that flat out told me I was wrong. It didn't feel like it at the time. But they were right.

cole2144 · December 2012

xmaryrickx:
cole2144:
MelRC117:
Pretty sure she didn't say evil. I think, once again, Cole is venting because this whole thing, I would imagine, is incredibly exhausting and just wants it to be over with. Yes, its within her right to appeal, however I'm sure she's upset about losing time, but why should one parent get more time then the other just because they are the mom? They must live within reasonable distance to each other and are just as capable of giving Cole's SD a loving home environment. I'm sure BM isn't appealing because she would think the judge applied the law wrong, I'm sure because it was it didn't go in her favor and didn't even think about the law.
Thank you, exactly. We are emotionally exhausted of dealing with BM and this process. We filed for custody in May of 2011 and it is still not over so yeah we are tired and more than a little frustrated. I come here to vent so I can release my negative feelings rather than bottle them all up.
some things are implied by tone and phrasing. It's hard to interpret the tone of the written word. Especially when it is written in hast and frustration. It's great to vent as long as you are open to people saying hey, that sucks but maybe you should xyz or that is crappy but perhaps you should think about abcd. Many a vent of mine turned into a flameful firey mess and I know it's hard not to be defensive. But in the long run I am so grateful for those people who called me out and told me to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. They saved my sanity and possibly my marriage. I learned so much from people telling me to look at things in a different light or even those that flat out told me I was wrong. It didn't feel like it at the time. But they were right.

There is so much going on here I have not even said that keeps the anxiety level high. BM continues to play games and try and dictate a 8 night, 6 night schedule which anyone who can do basic math can tell is not 50-50. Our lawyer will file contempt if she keeps up. She also emailed my husband and demanded he drop SD from his health insurance which he is CO to have as of their child support conference. Oh and we found out at the custody hearing that BM who works for our insurance company accessed our health info without permission violating HIPPA laws but if we call the company and set something in motions and she loses her job, it may have negative affects on our child support hearing next month. So we also have to worry about her gaining access to our personal info such as social security numbers, health information. Yeah I`m overwhelmed and it is one thing after another with her.

twister22 · December 2012

cole2144:
xmaryrickx:
cole2144:
MelRC117:
Pretty sure she didn't say evil. I think, once again, Cole is venting because this whole thing, I would imagine, is incredibly exhausting and just wants it to be over with. Yes, its within her right to appeal, however I'm sure she's upset about losing time, but why should one parent get more time then the other just because they are the mom? They must live within reasonable distance to each other and are just as capable of giving Cole's SD a loving home environment. I'm sure BM isn't appealing because she would think the judge applied the law wrong, I'm sure because it was it didn't go in her favor and didn't even think about the law.
Thank you, exactly. We are emotionally exhausted of dealing with BM and this process. We filed for custody in May of 2011 and it is still not over so yeah we are tired and more than a little frustrated. I come here to vent so I can release my negative feelings rather than bottle them all up.
some things are implied by tone and phrasing. It's hard to interpret the tone of the written word. Especially when it is written in hast and frustration. It's great to vent as long as you are open to people saying hey, that sucks but maybe you should xyz or that is crappy but perhaps you should think about abcd. Many a vent of mine turned into a flameful firey mess and I know it's hard not to be defensive. But in the long run I am so grateful for those people who called me out and told me to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. They saved my sanity and possibly my marriage. I learned so much from people telling me to look at things in a different light or even those that flat out told me I was wrong. It didn't feel like it at the time. But they were right.
There is so much going on here I have not even said that keeps the anxiety level high. BM continues to play games and try and dictate a 8 night, 6 night schedule which anyone who can do basic math can tell is not 50-50. Our lawyer will file contempt if she keeps up. She also emailed my husband and demanded he drop SD from his health insurance which he is CO to have as of their child support conference. Oh and we found out at the custody hearing that BM who works for our insurance company accessed our health info without permission violating HIPPA laws but if we call the company and set something in motions and she loses her job, it may have negative affects on our child support hearing next month. So we also have to worry about her gaining access to our personal info such as social security numbers, health information. Yeah I`m overwhelmed and it is one thing after another with her.

Holy sh!t. Is there a way you can make this known at the CS hearing that she did this? If I were you, I would call the company, let it be known that she did this but that you do not want her to lose her job (not only would it have a negative impact on the CS, it would have a negative impact on SD.)

Cole, I think you're fine to come on here and vent. BM IS selfish. She has proved that time, and time, and time again. However, I understand her filing an appeal. She went from 12/14 days to 7/14 days. Part of her reasoning is that, from her POV, SD has been used to being with her 12/14 days for 4 years (I believe it's 4?), so it will be a disruption and adjustment for her to change to 50/50. However, if BM would have put SD first from the get-go, SD would have never had to have a "hard" adjustment period because it would have been 50/50 from the start, or at least a sliding scale every 6 months - 1 year. Although, I have a suspicion that this adjustment won't be that hard for SD, unless BM plays emotional/mental games with her.

cole2144 · December 2012

twister22:
cole2144:
xmaryrickx:
cole2144:
MelRC117:
Pretty sure she didn't say evil. I think, once again, Cole is venting because this whole thing, I would imagine, is incredibly exhausting and just wants it to be over with. Yes, its within her right to appeal, however I'm sure she's upset about losing time, but why should one parent get more time then the other just because they are the mom? They must live within reasonable distance to each other and are just as capable of giving Cole's SD a loving home environment. I'm sure BM isn't appealing because she would think the judge applied the law wrong, I'm sure because it was it didn't go in her favor and didn't even think about the law.
Thank you, exactly. We are emotionally exhausted of dealing with BM and this process. We filed for custody in May of 2011 and it is still not over so yeah we are tired and more than a little frustrated. I come here to vent so I can release my negative feelings rather than bottle them all up.
some things are implied by tone and phrasing. It's hard to interpret the tone of the written word. Especially when it is written in hast and frustration. It's great to vent as long as you are open to people saying hey, that sucks but maybe you should xyz or that is crappy but perhaps you should think about abcd. Many a vent of mine turned into a flameful firey mess and I know it's hard not to be defensive. But in the long run I am so grateful for those people who called me out and told me to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. They saved my sanity and possibly my marriage. I learned so much from people telling me to look at things in a different light or even those that flat out told me I was wrong. It didn't feel like it at the time. But they were right.
There is so much going on here I have not even said that keeps the anxiety level high. BM continues to play games and try and dictate a 8 night, 6 night schedule which anyone who can do basic math can tell is not 50-50. Our lawyer will file contempt if she keeps up. She also emailed my husband and demanded he drop SD from his health insurance which he is CO to have as of their child support conference. Oh and we found out at the custody hearing that BM who works for our insurance company accessed our health info without permission violating HIPPA laws but if we call the company and set something in motions and she loses her job, it may have negative affects on our child support hearing next month. So we also have to worry about her gaining access to our personal info such as social security numbers, health information. Yeah I`m overwhelmed and it is one thing after another with her.
Holy sh!t. Is there a way you can make this known at the CS hearing that she did this? If I were you, I would call the company, let it be known that she did this but that you do not want her to lose her job (not only would it have a negative impact on the CS, it would have a negative impact on SD.)
Cole, I think you're fine to come on here and vent. BM IS selfish. She has proved that time, and time, and time again. However, I understand her filing an appeal. She went from 12/14 days to 7/14 days. Part of her reasoning is that, from her POV, SD has been used to being with her 12/14 days for 4 years (I believe it's 4?), so it will be a disruption and adjustment for her to change to 50/50. However, if BM would have put SD first from the get-go, SD would have never had to have a "hard" adjustment period because it would have been 50/50 from the start, or at least a sliding scale every 6 months - 1 year. Although, I have a suspicion that this adjustment won't be that hard for SD, unless BM plays emotional/mental games with her.

I am afraid that if we said anything they would fire her no matter what she says as what she did is a serious offense. I do however take serious issue with the invasion of privacy and will speak to the lawyer for advice.

As for SD, she has been happier this week and keeps saying that she was to stay here 5 days and here mom`s 5 days. Not sure where she heard that schedule, and that is not the one we are following. The plan is for SD to attend a therapist to make sure she is adjusting well. I am also hoping that coparenting classes help everyone.

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