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August 2011 Moms
Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha
member
Taking care of family members
Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha
member
Mobile Bumpers: Taking care of family members
Some co-workers were talking about whether or not we'd be able to live with our aging parents, take care of them, etc. One of my co-workers was adamant that we owe it to our parents to take care of them when they get older, as they took care of us as a child.
While I agree with my co-worker in theory, I just don't think that it would necessarily be in everyone's best interest to do it. I mean, what if your parents require special medical attention? Or what about your spouse and kids? Would it be fair to ask you to put that sort of burden on them, or even just onto yourself?
What do you all think? Could you it? Or are there any circumstances that would make it possible/impossible for you to even consider it?
Farewell, nesticle, you will be missed
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Taking care of family members
Personally, I think I could do it if my parents were still somewhat independant.
Cook for them? Do their laundry? Drive them around? Sure. I could do it, though I would still want to find a way for them to have their own quarters in my house (like turn the basement into an apartment type of thing). I don't think I could live with either of them 24/7 - and I don't think they could put up with me 24/7 either!
Brush their teeth? Wipe their butt? Gah the thought of them reaching the point where they would need someone to do these things for them is making me tear up, but I don't think I could do it. I mean, at that point, they would pretty much require someone to stay with them throughout the day. So I would need to quit my job? How am I supposed to pay the bills? What if they require special care/medical attention?
I feel like there comes a point where family members just aren't the best suited to care for their loved ones anymore. I just hope I still have many, many years before I am faced with making that kind of decision.
I could do it if they were more on the independent side.
Shortly before my grandfather died he had to have his leg amputated. His home, with my grandmother, was 2 stories and he could no longer get up the stairs. My grandmother wouldn't allow him to stay downstairs (they had a very strenuous relationship) so he lived in his car. IN.HIS.CAR...in our driveway. So my mom convinced him on cold nights to come into our house to stay.I was in hs and my mom and dad both had long hours at work so he would have to sit and wait on help. Sometimes he would have to stay out until I could get help to get him inside. I didn't mind doing this but I always thought about how unfair it was that he had to stay put in his car until we could be there.
I would like to say that I would do it in a heartbeat. However, I can tell you that caring for someone who requires a lot of medical attention isn't easy. There is a point for me. If I'm available to do it, I'm in.
Olivia June BFP 12/26/10 EDD 09/01/11 Birthday 08/02/11
BFP 12/25/12 EDD 09/06/13 M/C, 01/02/13
BFP 01/28/13 EDD 10/08/13 STICK BABY!
"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12
Ideally, I think DH and I would be fine living with either set of parents if they had separate living quarters, like an addition to our house with their own bed/bath/kitchen/entrance. In this situation, I think we would be fine seeing to general needs and helping them regularly with things i.e driving them places, helping them around the house, maintaining the yard for them, etc. I do not think we would all co-habitate well in a shared living space.
But...I will be honest and say that I am not cut out to handle the care of someone who needs serious, regular medical attention. While I'd like to hope that I could overcome this for our parents, I don't really see that happening. I'm extremely squeamish when it comes to medical matters, always have been. We would need to get a private nurse or look into an assisted living and care facility.
That said, our parents would probably opt to go into a 55+ community, or an assisted living facility, before living with us. My mom has already made it clear that she doesn't want to be a burden to any of us in her old age. My grandmother (her mother) moved in with us for 6+ months when I was 19, and it was a huge strain on my parents' relationship.