Parents of biters....help!!

Re: Parents of biters....help!!

• newly_naugler

  December 2012

  DS was a biter whenever he didn't get his own way. There wasn't much that we could do about it - tried time outs, taking away fav toys, even biting him back! Nothing seemed to work. Eventually he did stop and it seemed to be when he could better communicate with us and tell us what he felt and wanted. I'm sorry I don't have better advice, I just know what your going through. Hang in there.

  

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• rlyttle member

  December 2012

  I know people don't agree with this, but DS was biting me for a bit and this is what I did....

  fake cried nd made him kiss my bonobo and say sorry

  I have 'smacked' him in the mouth after a bbite

  my friend actually would bite her little girl back. I never did this

  DS quit after a few months. 

   

   

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• flyingsaucer member

  December 2012

  This is totally normal and developmentally appropriate. Lots of 2 year olds bite.  I think that it sucks that your daycare is handling it by making your child stay at home.  This is wrong.  Toddlers don't have the language or skills to cope with frustrating situations and early childhood programs should know this and help you work through it.  That said, this is a phase.  Not a whole lot that you can do but talk your kid thought it.  Keep reading the books and make a big deal about how much it hurts when he bites.  It is just a phase.  He will grow out of it.  My kid was a biter until about 3 and a half, now he is totally fine :-).  Hang in there!

  

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• chemistry

  December 2012

  My DD was one of two biters in the room this summer.  She would bite daily, sometimes several times a day.  We were at our wits' end and felt really bad about it.  She would bite mostly over an "argument" with the other child over a toy/shared space etc.  We'd constantly reinforce, no biting, biting hurts and worked with daycare so that we were consistent.  We bought this book "teeth are not for biting". 

   Daycare was great.  They don't send kids home for biting because they realize that it's developmental.  They provided consistent feedback every time she'd bite. Fuss a lot about the child who was bitten and ignored DD so that she wasn't getting attention for biting.  When the biting escalated (several times/a day for a few days), they dedicated a teacher as a shadow for her to diffuse the situation before it happened. 

  There has been a dramatic improvement since the fall.  Her language skills have exploded so she can express herself better.  I don't have any real advice, except to be consistent each time she bites and really talk to daycare as to how they will handling the situation. Personally, them sending home really doesn't help the situation and you need to figure out a way to work on this together. Good luck!
  

  

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• EMOmamma member

  December 2012

  The only thing I got from toddler books about biting was that none of those authors was ever the parent of a biter!  Seriously, you don't think I tried saying NO and timeouts?!  

  The one article that I did find helpful talked about toddlers needing to release tension and not knowing how.  It basically advised hugging them and letting them have huge tantrums.  Sounds weird but the first time we tried it we had almost a week of no bites.  

  https://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/14/64/What-to-do-When-Your-Toddler-Bites

  We also did some role playing where my husband and I would pretend to bite each other and either a) bite and get in trouble or b) the biter would stop themselves and express whatever it was with words - then we would super praise when the person didn't bite.  (if that makes sense) 

  There's a Yo Gabba Gabba clip (you can find it on youtube) where they sing about not biting friends.  DS doesn't watch much tv so it was like a treat for him to watch it and I think that helped his soak it up.  

  Good luck! 

   

  
  

     
  

  
  

  
  

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• jenn_darrin1515 member

  December 2012

  I'd be kind of pissed if my dc was sending my child home b/c of biting. it is developmental and unfortunately a lot of kids bite. my dd was a biter from about 15 months - 2 years...shortly after 2 her language exploded and she stopped biting. my other dd (who was speech delayed) was a biter/hitter (she liked to mix it up) and she stopped close to 2 years 9 months when her language picked up too. when they were at their worst biting/hitting almost daily, their dc provider (inhome)would have them strapped in a booster seat doing quiet colowing while she would prep snacks/lunch (since at that time her eyes couldn't be on them 100%). they got timeout for biting/hitting immediately (at home and at school) and they did a lot of reading "teeth are not for biting", "hands are not for hitting". for my speech delayed child it also helped to work with her at home on an alternative to hitting/biting (which almost always happend when a kid would get in her face or take a toy) and practice at home....saying "no thank you"...telling the teacher....finding another toy... GL! a lot of us have been there...it sucks...but eventually it will pass!

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• acaudill75 member

  December 2012

  As PPs have said, and there seems to be a trend, children bite out of frustration. Its a phase, most of the time, and I really believe it is down to an inability to communicate what is upsetting the child. DD1 bit last year for about a month or so. She was about 16 mo, in a new classroom setting, and I was newly pregnant, sick, and daddy was doing most of the hands on parenting. A lot of upheaval for her. As soon as she became acclimated, and her ability to speak improved, she stopped biting. One of her classmates now, who is 2 weeks older than her (they will both be 3 in March), is still biting and throwing tantrums. I heard some of the other parents remark "must be autistic" which I think is kind sh*tty to say. Anyway, he is a super sweet child I have known all his life, but he has difficulty communicating what he wants, get frustrated, and then breaks down. Have you tried signing with your child, if communication is an issue? I seen it work with children who speech delayed, and it made a world of difference in their behavior.

  

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• Brewtowngrl member

  December 2012

  DS got bit back last week.  Really bad.  It sucked that it was so bad, but he hasn't bit since.  Ok, not a real solution.  One issue you might also be having is one on one time.  You have a new baby so he might be acting out even more because of the baby.  take a few hours and do something special.  

  
  
  

  
  

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• williswifey2

  December 2012

  I can't believe your daycare is sending him home.  They need to watch him or separate him from the kids if need be!  Not send him home.  My DD bit at daycare.  She'd do good for a few months and then start doing it again.  She'd have to sit in time out and even was bitten herself by another child.  We talked about it every single day and stressed how mean it was to bite her friends.  She bit me a couple times and I smacked her a mouth.  It scared her more than anything.  I never punished her though when she did it at school b/c I didn't see it.  I relied on her teachers to put her in time out and follow through with punishment.  The crazy thing was, we switched daycares back in August and not ONCE HAS SHE BITTEN.  I think she was bored in my honest opinion.  Good Luck, it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it.  I would definitely talk with your daycare though.  They are not handling the situation right.  You pay them to look after/care for your child.  They need to do just that.  Not send him home b/c it makes their job more difficult! 

  
  

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