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Parenting after a Loss
hopefulmom81
member
Talk to me about choosing to be One and Done
hopefulmom81
member
Crystal's post below got me thinking...
DH and I had always talked about having 1-2 children, before we even decided to start trying for a family. I am an only and we both were VERY comfortable with the idea of 1 child, both for financial and emotional reasons.
All of the emotions with losses and accompanying rough end of pregnancy (PIH, constant NSTs) and 30 hours of intense/painful labor and delivery ending in a C-Section followed by awful/crippling post partum anxiety has really made us 95% sure we are one and done.
I know what it is like to be the only child, but would love to hear your experiences of being the parents of an only.
I know that, sadly, lots of women with 1, don't get the luxury of a choice, so I am talking in the ideal world where I would get to choose to be able to have a second baby.
I ask, because, though I am comfortable and really like the idea of 1, I also look at her in her little footie pajamas and start thinking, "COULD I go through it again?". So, I figure if I am already thinking that, how will I feel when she is 2, and we feasibly might reassess the situation? I am scared for my own health and the safety of the baby if I did it again.
How do you deal with the hankerings for another baby? What is it like being the parent of an only when they become a toddler/small child? Do you always second guess your choice?
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Re: Talk to me about choosing to be One and Done
((HUGS)) sounds like we are in the same boat.
I am firmly in the one and done boat. I have no hankerings for another child, I get no nostalgia about little clothes or the newborn days or anything.
My issue is getting my H on board. He seems to think we are having more. I keep telling him not until he gets another wife because I'm sure as shiznit not doing this again for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that my LO didn't STTN once until she was 11.5 months old. Physically and mentally I simply cannot take that type of sleep deprivation again.
That said, I think if you have any inkling that you might want another, perhaps it's not time to shut the door fully on that option.
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]
We keep going back and forth. I think I am to a spot where we are no longer actively trying for #2, after a year of TTC it takes its toll. If it happens, that is good, but I am ok with just 1.
We can do so much more with just 1 child it makes it so appealing for me. I also consider how horrific I would be with two non sleeping children. DD is a good sleeper overall, but she has her nights. The next morning I am always like, "No more children!".
I've never posted here, but Hi...
We are One and Done. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, followed by a wonderful, healthy baby boy who is now 18 months old. I am 41, and DH is 45. When I was 36, I had to have open heart surgery to replace my mitral valve. During pregnancy, my pulmonary valve started leaking as well. When my son was 7 weeks old, I had 2 small strokes. There is just too much risk for me to try it again. My body has been through a lot, and my son deserves to grow up with his Mama!
My high risk OB said that he loved having me as a patient but not to have more babies. I am at peace with this most of the time, but I will always feel like our family is kind of incomplete because of the baby we lost.
I wish more people really stopped to think and pray about whether or not to have more kids. It seems like many people don't consider their finances, energy levels, or anything else before making this very important decision.
I agree with this completely. And I considered for a while having one and done. I was completely unprepared for how hard being a mom of a newborn was going to be! I was never a mom that wanted 2u2. I honestly don't see how people do it. But now that DD is approaching 2, I am getting the itch for another. We KNOW that financially we can't have a lot of children & theres a lot of things we needed to get accomplished before having another. The timing is starting to feel more "right" now. I'd give yourself another year or so and re-evaluate things, and TTA in the meantime. I don't see anything wrong with 3+ years in between children. That whole "they won't be close because they are so far in age" is bs. My brother & I are almost 6 years apart and still close.