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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Inconsolable 13month old thrashes
Hi:
Looking for some advice.
Life seems to have fallen apart to some degree and this 13monthold baby boy is pushing us to our limits.
Circumstances:
Lost my job three weeks ago, but worked from home anyway. Before I could just tell my wife to deal with it. Now I am more involved.
daughter is out of kindergarten third day due to fever, and I got a soar throat morning and postnasal drip, but 13month old isn't dripping or drooling all over. Maybe molars or soar throat.
he takes a morning and sometimes afternoon nap, but hasn't much recently. Attached neighbor building addition about 10feet away from his crib. Air hammers and all.
13monthold baby doesn't walk much or talk at all. Never taught sign language and cries until he gets what he wants. What he wants is the mystery, but he never wants to go to sleep. Throws food and things on floor when he wants out of the height chair. Bad behavior has been rewarded. Recently started throwing temper tantrums even banging his head on hardwood floor and crib so we installed the bumper pad.
I am the type of parent to say "screw it" and let him stay up and play until he finally crashes overtired and wants to go to sleep. But he will wake up before getting enough sleep from noise from other kids 46 years or construction. Right now I am getting the time to type this only because I brought him down to the basement where there are lots of toys and it is very far from his crib. So he knows I am not trying to put him to sleep. He was throwing a fit until I brought him to the finished basement.
So my questions:
1 should I try to teach this third baby sign language so he can tell me what he wants?
2 what is the new way to not reward tantrum behavior when he bangs his head?
I can post videos on YouTube if it helps.
Thanks!
Mike
Looking for some advice.
Life seems to have fallen apart to some degree and this 13monthold baby boy is pushing us to our limits.
Circumstances:
Lost my job three weeks ago, but worked from home anyway. Before I could just tell my wife to deal with it. Now I am more involved.
daughter is out of kindergarten third day due to fever, and I got a soar throat morning and postnasal drip, but 13month old isn't dripping or drooling all over. Maybe molars or soar throat.
he takes a morning and sometimes afternoon nap, but hasn't much recently. Attached neighbor building addition about 10feet away from his crib. Air hammers and all.
13monthold baby doesn't walk much or talk at all. Never taught sign language and cries until he gets what he wants. What he wants is the mystery, but he never wants to go to sleep. Throws food and things on floor when he wants out of the height chair. Bad behavior has been rewarded. Recently started throwing temper tantrums even banging his head on hardwood floor and crib so we installed the bumper pad.
I am the type of parent to say "screw it" and let him stay up and play until he finally crashes overtired and wants to go to sleep. But he will wake up before getting enough sleep from noise from other kids 46 years or construction. Right now I am getting the time to type this only because I brought him down to the basement where there are lots of toys and it is very far from his crib. So he knows I am not trying to put him to sleep. He was throwing a fit until I brought him to the finished basement.
So my questions:
1 should I try to teach this third baby sign language so he can tell me what he wants?
2 what is the new way to not reward tantrum behavior when he bangs his head?
I can post videos on YouTube if it helps.
Thanks!
Mike
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Inconsolable 13month old thrashes
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time.
Overall, it sounds very normal (though I agree, frustrating). We saw a growth/developmental spurt around that age (about 12.5 months). I'm going to take this bit by bit:
- takes a morning and sometimes an afternoon nap - sounds like your LO might be ready to drop down to one nap/day? My son sleeps from about 11-1 every day.
- Doesn't walk/talk - NORMAL. I think it's 18 months where a pedi will worry about them not walking. Can he put weight on his legs (like pull up to stand, or hold your fingers?) If so, no big deal. Does he babble, but not say words you understand? No big deal then. As long as he's not completely silent (other than crying), you're good.
-throws food and things to get out of chair - yep, that's how he's saying "I'm done". When he does it, take him out of the chair. It's not "bad behavior", it's his way of communicating, and you respond to it.
- Tantrums/headbanging - normal, but a pain to deal with. I asked my pedi at my son's 12 month appointment. When dealing with it, try to ignore, or (in case of headbanging), redirect with a different toy or activity.
- sleep (which sounds to be one of the biggest issues). Obviously, there's nothing you can do about the construction going on next door. I would recommend moving the crib to somewhere that will remain a little quieter, or trying a white noise machine in his room to drown some of it out. Letting him get overtired and eventually fall asleep won't work in your favor, he'll have a worse night of sleep (sleep begets sleep and all). If sleep is a continuous issue in your house, I highly recommend researching different sleep training methods and finding one that will fit your family and parenting style. I used the Sleep Easy Method and LOVED it, and we had wonderful results.
Teaching sign language can't hurt, only helps. But it takes them some time to learn the sign, and then additional time to be able to sign to you. And tantrums - ignore and/or redirect.
I was going to respond to this yesterday but didn't have time...so here goes.
You've got a lot going on here. I'm sorry your kindergartner is sick and hopefully she gets better quickly so you don't have as much to deal with during the day. Do you have three kids currently or are you expecting another? I don't quite understand the 3rd child thing.
As for your 13 month old, what kind of negative behavior have you rewarding and how are you rewarding it? If he is bashing his head on the ground get down with him and hold him in a tight but not harsh embrace until he calms down. I don't usually advocate holding a kid during a temper tantrum but bashing his head is not healthy. It's not a typical for it to happen occasionally but as frequently as you are making it sound is not healthy.
Before you can discipline the behavior you need to identify if there is really a need for discipline. What is causing the behavior? Is he hungry? Overly tired (sounds like it)? Is he bored? Is he craving more attention from you or mom? Most kids are not bad just because. Try to limit your use of "no." I try to reserve it for the big things. I tell DD "not for Natalie" if she's not supposed to touch something or "not for eating" if she's chewing on the Kindle or my cell phone or something. She is at the place now where she will shake her head no and walk away or take whatever is in her mouth out. Until your son gets there remove him from what you don't want him doing/eating etc. and redirect with something else.
His behavior is not atypical for 13 months. Communication is hard and when baby wants something but can't communicate what that is a temper tantrum is not uncommon or unexpected. If you think sign language will help (I do) then start teaching some basic signs. More, eat, drink, milk, etc. We taught DD sign language starting at 4 months. Now, at 14 months, she communicates very effectively. I believe this had a lot to do with sign language and staying consistent.
It sounds like you don't have a set schedule. Some babies and kids NEED a set routine. They thrive on it. Try implementing a schedule for naps, food, play time, etc. at the same time every day. Eventually you can become more flexible but give some structure to his day and you should see some improvement.
As far as the noise goes, can you talk to your neighbor about keeping it quite at a certain time of day? OR can you move his crib to the basement where the noise level is less? Where is the quietest place in the house? Can he be moved there to sleep?
Lastly, don't just tell your wife to handle it. It sets a bad example for your older daughter and is setting a bad example for your son. If you start dealing with the issue, finish dealing with it. If you are the one in the area at the time, step up and do it. I know it's tough, parenting is not an easy gig and being a SAHP can be overwhelming. I'm sorry you lost your job and are dealing with all of these issues and pray your family can find something that works for you.