Hanky Panky....or lack thereof :(

Clevelandgal2 · December 2012

Okay, this is a first time mom talking...It is super hard for me to write this, but I need advice from moms who have been through it . Basically not to be TMI but hubby and I had a normal and nice sex life. I had our sweet little girl in late June. I delivered, and unfortunately had a double tear (front and back) ouchie! It took a little longer and at my checkup the Dr said to wait a couple more weeks to have sex / exercise. So we have attempted (after I was all clear of course) to have sex - and it still hurts / is not enjoyable. I hate to say this but I dont enjoy it anymore and honestly I am scared that I will never get back to enjoying it. I feel horrible. Is this normal?

laoch101 · December 2012

Invest in some lube. Also it maybe a progesterone drop off since your not prego anymore. Plus are you nursing? In the beginning I noticed I need a lot more foreplay and lube. Felt like he ripping me apart, lol. Now 6mth pp were more normal.

Socialworkgirl · December 2012

You could also ask your ob about estrogen cream. I think it has helped us some.

Sigir · December 2012

With my first [8 yrs ago] I had a second degree tear. To be honest it took a Long Time to get back to normal, unfortunately. and honestly, I used to feel badly about needing so much lube, plus it made me feel self conscious [stupid I know but it is how I felt]. I would have rather avoided sex than have to deal w it, at the time.

If you are feeling in the mood, how about mutual oral? If you have a few good, satisfying encounters with oral, it will help to build up your self confidence around sex IMO and then you will feel better about yourself, which can translate into actually feeling better down there [since for me at least, enjoyment of sex is tied to my mental state and feeling comfortable ]. What do you think of oral for a few months to give yourself more healing time and build your confidence?

It does get better, and after a year or so I was feeling normal. I am sure that seems like a long time away for you, but I wanted you to know that this should not last forever!

Eta and I don't know if you are contemplating a second baby, but when I was pregnant w my dd 6 mo, my biggest fear was the pushing and possibly tearing again and having to go through it all over again. Dd popped out in 3 pushes and I had a great recovery... So don't worry about that!

caeraRose · December 2012

I know this sounds counterintuitive, but the more sex you have, the more enjoyable it'll get. I had a pretty bad tear down the front and I was having the same trouble... but I read online that the scar tissue has to learn how to stretch properly again, and that you'll have to force it for awhile, but it'll get better. I can say now that there's only one position that hurts after awhile... if we're not in that position I'm just fine.

kdjudd · December 2012

I had a pretty bad tear. Sex hurt a lot afterwards. It took a lot of tries and I had to be very vocal about telling DH what was too much. My advice is to keep trying. Try various positions, lots of lube, and lots of foreplay. If you don't see any improvement after time, I would see a doctor!

mylittlesunshine · December 2012

After I had DD1 I tore pretty bad. I ended up having so much scar tissue that it was making it impossible to have sex without a ton of pain. I tried lube and my ob/gyn even gave me estrogen cream with no luck. I ended up needing surgery down there to take away some of the scar tissue. I have no clue what the actual name of the surgery was, but after 6 weeks of healing I was able to enjoy sex again.

FWIW: Like the previous poster who tore the first time and didn't the second, I was the same way. My OB was pretty sure I would tear again and even tried to see if I wanted to schedule a c-section to aviod the possiblity of needing surgery down there again. I held my guns for a vaginal birth and when it came to delivery day, DD2 was born in 5 minutes and I didn't even have a nick down there. Recovery was super easy!

I say if you are still having problems to have your doctor take a look. It might be something simple or might require a little intervention, but it is worth it to go get it checked.

forestdancer · December 2012

Everyones always like you will be back to normal but no one ever gives a time frame. It seemed to have a big tear and its going to take some time. I had a couple small ones and 6 months PP it is good not great like it used to be. But there are days thats its better. When we take more time with foreplay and such and really helps relax the muscles and the my mind about think it may hurt. Then I just make sure we take it nice and easy until for the first couple minutes.

Just take it easy, try it a little more and invest in alot more foreplay, Which i know is easier said than done with the lack of time we have

drbethc · December 2012

I hated it for awhile as well..For me, it was quite psychological, if I anticipated the pain, i would tense up and it would be worse. I had to learn to relax and not expect pain in order for it to be bearable. Things are much better now.

Clevelandgal2 · December 2012

I wanted to thank all of you ladies for sharing your advice and experiences with me. It makes me feel a little better and definitely like I am more normal. I am gonna take the advice and give it a little more time! We do plan on trying for baby 2 next fall so, I want to enjoy and be happy with my hubby! Thanks again I truly appreciate it !

rubber_chicken · December 2012

I had a csection and I STILL find it really uncomfortable. We've used TONS of lube and it's still too uncomfortable for us to get far. So we've basically stopped trying.

Doesn't help that foreplay is a big no go for us either - I don't like the stuff I used to like, and my boobs leak all over the place.

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Hanky Panky....or lack thereof :(

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