buying baby things

cogbot · December 2012

We have been waiting over a year and have purchased nothing. I feel awkward even walking through babies r us. My husband thinks it's crazy to look at stuff, because we don't have a baby or even a potential situation. As a result, I feel crazy for even researching baby items. I even delete the history on the computer because I don't want anyone to know that I have been looking at baby stuff.

It's hard to explain my feelings. This is soooo dumb,,, but I think it's the best I can come up with. It's as if I have no feet, but I'm shoe shopping. And I feel like everyone's looking at me like "that poor girl."

I know that most of you did some baby shopping before you were matched. Did anyone else feel awkward, sad, or ridiculous?

[Deleted User] · December 2012

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jackieo1309 · December 2012

You are definitely not alone. My mom and MIL want to have a shower for me so DH and I started making a registry and I felt so strange being the only one walking around PBK with a scanner but no baby bump. It was awkward in a way, but I was still so excited to be able to do it. I know some people can't bear to buy baby items or think about baby names or anything during the wait, but for me these things have been kind of helpful. You might not have your baby tomorrow, but every day is one day closer. You are still "expecting". If it makes you happy, then I say go for it.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

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IRR · December 2012

I didn't buy anything until after we matched and I knew we needed stuff for when we picked up the baby that needed to be washed before we left. We ordered the car seat and stroller to be sent near the hospital and we ordered the furniture with the contingency plan if it didn't work out they would not deliver or charge us. As you all know, our nightmares came true. We were able to return the carseat, bassinet and some of the clothes that I didn't wash, but still had a bunch of stuff that we did. The unisex items I am keeping in the attic until the appropriate time, but all of the girls clothes I did wash I am giving to a friend who is due right after Christmas. She felt bad when I told her I wanted her to have the items, but if she doesn't take them I will feel a bigger loss. I am already sad that we won't be MOMs together watching our daughters grow up together, but I think seeing her daughter wear some of the outfits will provide me with some peace to know that some little girl that I know will get to wear the outfits. I did paint the nursery and buy a rug which is very girlie and for now we are leaving everything in place since the carpet still makes me smile vs. sad because it is so darn cute. I agree with PP, it is ok to buy some things if you are ok knowing that you may be waiting awhile, but as so many on here can attest too you may just get the call one day and be totally unprepared if you haven't even started looking. For instance, even if you don't buy a car seat and stroller now you should see which one you may want so you will not be overwhelmed when the time comes. We returned the one we bought but will most likely buy the same style again when the time is appropriate. Hope this helps.

Dr.Loretta · December 2012

I felt a little awkward at first, but then I got addicted We didn't go overboard either. We got what we called the Big 4--crib (no mattress, just a crib), carseat, stroller, and Pack n Play. We knew we could most of that in the basement until we needed to set them up, and setup would be a whopping 5 minutes each (except for the crib). I started buying a few clothes here and there, and stocking up on cloth diapers. I had a wishlist on Amazon, but I didn't broadcast it. I didn't want a fully stocked house, but I wanted the basics just in case.

Once we went active, DH put up the crib and a changing table. That was really all that constituted DD's bedroom at the time. We had a lot of activity with our profile, and we had another opportunity where we declined to have our profile shown. At that point DH suggested I look for more clothes because it seemed like things might move fast.

The next day we were matched with DD, already born and ready to come home in 36 hours. She came home in a 6-9 month sleeper because it was the only "cute" one we had. DH went out at 9pm the night DD came home and bought out WalMart, including the elusive crib mattress.

Long story short, I never felt sad, but I did sometimes feel weird. Until I saw something cute

Foster1Mom · December 2012

When we got licensed as FP's we had to have a bunch of stuff in place. It felt sooooo strange shopping for baby stuff. If I didn't "have" to do it at that point I do not know that I would have. I do have to say looking back THANK GOD we did because even with all that we had it felt like we were at the store all the time those first few weeks.

hey_its_jenn · December 2012

We are still VERY early in the stages of this whole process, but I made my first baby related purchase. I bought two stuffed animals last night online from Babies 'R' Us. It was from the comfort of my couch because I don't think I'm ready to go out and shop yet. I hope I'll be able to get there soon but for now, online shopping it is.

GL!

sarahtoledo · December 2012

I go back and forth between enjoying buying baby things and then hiding them away in bins under the bed because I feel foolish. But now that we're really getting into adoption, I am feeling better about it. You're not crazy or sad or ridiculous.

orange1414 · December 2012

Some days it makes me feel sad. I tend to do as much of my research as possible online because being in baby stores ALWAYS makes me feel ridiculous.

But, I like to be prepared. So, I have picked out a crib, dresser, glider and car seat. I have also purchased a stroller because I found an amazing deal on one that I wanted (with a 365 day return policy just in case).

((hugs)) Just know that you are just as entitled to dream and plan and hope and pick out cute things as any pregnant woman. We will get our babies--we just don't know when.

erinms · December 2012

I don't have adoption experience, but I feel sort of similar looking despite our infertility. I think the pp got it right when they said to do whatever makes you feel good. For me, that changes by the day. Some days it feels crappy to look at baby stuff, and sometimes it feels encouraging. So, I don't think you have to feel the same way about it every day. Ultimately, I have to remind myself that we will have another child one way or another and it is OK to be excited about that.

A good friend adopted and I remember they bought things while waiting for their match- and I think they were glad they did because their daughter showed up earlier than expected. So, honestly, I think it is pretty smart to pick up things here and there- especially on sale. If you got to BabiesRUs, they give you a coupon when you check out and so buying things a little at a time on sale and with coupons will save you money.

One thing I noticed about your post was how you erase your history and feel like DH thinks it is ridiculous to look. I feel that way sometimes, and I think the best way through is to have an honest conversation with DH and tell him why you are looking and how it makes you feel. He might get on board once you talk with him. Maybe not, but at least you don't have to feel embarrassed or hide it.

Rachel Sonnier · December 2012

"Ultimately, I have to remind myself that we will have another child one way or another and it is OK to be excited about that.

One thing I noticed about your post was how you erase your history and feel like DH thinks it is ridiculous to look. I feel that way sometimes, and I think the best way through is to have an honest conversation with DH and tell him why you are looking and how it makes you feel. He might get on board once you talk with him. Maybe not, but at least you don't have to feel embarrassed or hide it. "

This.

If it makes you feel better to look online, then look. If it does't, then don't....but don't let anyone make you feel foolish about it, because your baby WILL find you eventually.

My H is also a bit more reserved and thought that I shouldn't browse/buy any baby things until we were matched. He kept making comments about it being silly, and finally I kind of got tired of feeling stupid about it. I told him that we obviously weren't going to have 5 kids like we thought before we got married. This is my time. I feel like, for me, doing the whole nesting and "getting ready for baby" thing is kind of a maternal right of passage of sorts, and that since this is my last baby...that we have waited and waited for...I'm going to enjoy it, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. If that means we wait for 3 years, I'll stock up on cute baby things for the next 3 years, and not regret a single minute of it. If I don't look on the bright side, I get sad and dwell on the negatives, and can't understand why it isn't easy for us. Someone told me that the great thing about adoption is that everyone eventually gets a baby, and I believe them, so I am choosing to live it up.

Do whatever makes you feel good. I'm sure you have already had enough of feeling bad to last you a lifetime. If shopping, or looking, makes you anxious, don't do it. But if you enjoy it, go for it. I was anxious the whole time we TTC and even when I was pg with DS, and I was miserable...my family had to force me to have a shower and then I only agreed to invite family and 2 close friends. I regret that, but I refuse to let my nervousness/embarrassment ruin all of the fun for me this time around. Everyone else gets to do the whole baby hoorah, so why can't we? Life is too short.

lafayettegirl · December 2012

I started a private baby registry at Amazon.com. You can keep it marked private so only you can see it. I add stuff on there all the time. I also delete stuff that I hear other people say I don't need. When I feel the urge, there is my list, locked up tight and I can add and subtract items at will. It is awesome.

JodyA118 · December 2012

how do you make a private registry on amazon? I have matched and STILL have not bought a thing...

After reading of all the failed situations, i'm scared to start.

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